Halfway To Heaven

A mother and son, age and illness

For many years now this her place,
a tightrope walked unsteadily between life and death.
Stooped by both age and illness she sees no way forward,
planning no further than the next meal,
her life lived ever in the now.
This existence she only ever briefly escapes
with turned pages and dreams revealing what could could been,
had she not had 2 failed marriages, 9 kids, many jobs,
and many, many, more lonely nights.
On good days her mind, wit, has her tongue running humorous rings around us,
on bad, she falters, trips on words, forgets, "What was I saying.."
We drink tea, I get the latest death count,
"He/she was only," and then an age applied.
At her lowest, when most ill, I asked what gives her the strength to carry on,
if she was afraid of dying, she laughed.
"I'm not afraid of death, I fear only what I'll miss when dead, I'm to nosy to die"
And so she carries on, precariously balanced, halfway to heaven,
with me prepared,
stood down,
prepared,
stood down,
but never really ready.

Author's Note

At the time of writing this mum was on the up from yet another illness. Sadly mum passed away on 09/04/2019

Reviews

[Phill Oz O'fee]

Solemnly sobering write my friend - indeed - your poetically poignant piece does bring out this reader's own thoughts on the subject. More than two thousand years ago, the Greek philosopher Epicurus constructed an argument against fearing death that has since become even more plausible: “Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.” - :-)

[Gee]

It's not so much the dying it's the suffering that may be involved travelling to meet Mr Reaper. A great review, cheers

[Stella Armour]

Being an old mum myself i understand her stubbornness to keep going, sometimes life is so hard when you have children that it makes you strong enough to get through anything.
"I'm not afraid of death, I fear only what I'll miss when dead,
I'm to nosy to die" .... haha that's me too !

[Gee]

Long may you both live on. Cheers

[Ken Simm.]

It does indeed make sense. Been there, done that and bought the t shirt, several times.
A quality write about what really happens. The reality is what struck me most.

[Gee]

Cheers Ken. Amazing the shite she has gone through and is still here

[Norah]

Brilliant selections of words..you have a unique style to write poems and I really love that.

[Gee]

Thank you. This is actually me and my old mum

[Carol Cashes]

"...but never really ready." So very true and a truly heartbreaking scenario to be in. I can't comment on the "disjointed" (what do I know from disjointed? eh?), but it made perfect sense to me and I grasped the difficulty with which son also balances his mother's precarious state. A sad sweet little gem.

[Gee]

Thanks Carol. It is actually me and my old mum, one of my true to life pieces

[Carol Cashes]

I'm so sorry, but so glad that you have your wife and daughter to lean on. I'll not werry overmuch, then....

[Gee]

Thank you. Can't fret too much over those things that are beyond our control.plus, she's to stubborn to pop her clogs

[Carol Cashes]

"pop her clogs'? Translation for Ugly American, please.

[Gee]

Lol, die.....

[Carol Cashes]

Oh. Carry on...

[Coyote Poetry]

I loved the below lines.
At her lowest, when most ill
"I asked what gives her the strength to carry on,
if she was afraid of dying, she laughed.
"I'm not afraid of death, I fear only what I'll miss when dead,
I'm to nosy to die"
Life make us stronger and wiser if we are lucky. Thank you dear friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Gee]

Thank you Coyote

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome my friend.

[AprilRN1210]

we're never really "ready"... This is quite affecting in a honest and straight forward way. This reminds me of my grandma and grandpa. That sass and wit on good days always surprised me. the ones where I wasn't remembered hurt deeper and deeper. Beautifully written and expressed here..
(one little side note: "I'm to nosy to die" did you mean "too" nosy to die?)

[Gee]

Thank you. I will address the highlighted issues

[Island Hippy]

Aloha Gee, so moving and incredibly honest. Not prettied up just as it is.
What a magnificent woman! Mahalo for sharing this wonderful piece. Izzy

[Gee]

Thank you Izzy

[emmajoy]

' On good days her mind, wit, still razor sharp
has her tongue running humorous rings around us,
on bad, she stumbles, trips on words, forgets,'

What a beauty of a poem this is, Gee. In fact I reckon your mum actually wrote it, Start to finish it is so her, so honest, so real.. no frilly tat. d OK, ok, so she only looked over your shoulder as you 'wrote' but oh my, don't you know her dearly. Such a lady, brave too, full of determination but I reckon, a sense of humour - cos she did have you!
I so love people of walking history age, they have so much to tell, if allowed. And yes, they do rather look out for those disappeared orf. But as someone said, 'I read obituaries every day just to check my names not there!'
Just realised I have a tear or two in my eyes, you've written such a precious poem. Plus, it shows yet another facet of he who is Gee.

[Gee]

Thank you Emma. She is some women. It's a pity she doesn't write because she has some great tales, funny mostly, of her younger life. Saying that, my good lady wife reckons I should write as with a semi feral upbringing, being fostered, and for respite purposes (time for mum to catch her breath from bringing 7 kids up alone) being plonked into care, I have a few myself.
Thanks for reading, hope you have a good kip.

[emmajoy]

I did have a good kip, thank you - didn't want to wake up but the dogs thought differently. Childhood really lays its own kind of DNA into our characters, don't you think; in one way or another, we become what absorbed our hearts and minds..

[Gee]

I guess so. Subconsciously I believe that all of the good in my childhood I have taken into my adult life along with my old mums great work ethic. Having had absolutely nowt growing up I have strived to be financially secure and to give my daughter all that she wishes for without spoiling her. I am also to her all that I would have wished for from a dad had he bothered to stick around.
I'm exceedingly fortunate that both my wife and daughter are beautiful, caring human beings.

[emmajoy]

Yes you are, but then... perhaps they're just a little lucky too. Happy and blessed Sunday to you and your darlings, Gee.

Will add this, wasn't going to - my childhood was so different from yours although am one, the youngest, of seven children. But we were blessed with security, not loads of dosh, but two parents who loved each other and us, and their community and their world., Like my siblings, I grew up caring and not too bad a human being. Depends on which way the sun shines inside, and the rain falls outside.. doesn't it!

[Gee]

It certainly does, you come across very well, grounded and life wise. However, you might be a raving loony nutter who is part way through dismembering the postman for waking you prematurely from your Sunday morning slumber......but I doubt it.
Have a great afternoon

[emmajoy]

How did you guess, my secret's out! Many's the bro or sister, best friend or whoever who's called me 'raving loony'. But would rather that than utterly bore-inggg!

Tarrah, must away too. Think Lidls calls, then must visit a friend who has migraine.. nasty, argh. Gone.

[Lorry]

Words that will reverberate deeply with many Gee. Too nosy to die could be my own Ma's mantra, she even expects Coronation Street to end if she ever does. They certainly don't make 'em like they used to. I doubt modern Mothers can bring up a tribe of kids while cooking from scratch, boiling nappies, having three conversations with neighbours on different streets without the use of phone or internet, giving at least two of the kids into trouble, while mentally jotting down her shopping list while getting the price right to the penny. Nope, they don't make 'em like they used to.

[Gee]

Cheers Nemo. The "you have made your bed now lie in it" mothers are a thing of the past. It's all benefits and whinging now.