Forever Husband

Forever Husband

A Poem by House of Immite
"

Hesitation is the major obstacle

"

The church bells ring in my ear

Hurriedly following, organs screech.

Every settling-seeker wants near

The awkward position I now reach.


A weary smile drags itself down the isle.

Her open toes give me cold feet.

Her snow white dress sweeps a mile,

Trailing asphalt through the dust sheet.


“We are gathered here today to celebrate

These two lovers with friends and family.

What is Love?” A question of debate.

Robbing people’s money emotionally.


It is film industry’s consumed concept.

It is mainstream radios’ only salvation.

Mind manipulation easy to accept,

Still effective in spite of revelation.


“With the rituals , shall we begin?”

Pours holy water into glasses of gold.

Stare at the blade gently tearing my soft skin.

To dilute and purify our love as I’m told.


Disgusted, sipping our intoxicating drink.

Visual premonitions race through my mind.

“Why am I here?” A thought I can’t stop to think!

The excuse of expectation excels to bind.


“If anyone has an objection, speak now

or till the end of eternity hold your peace”

To love, honor and cherish, I ought to vow.

This merger will only lead to my decease.


Stern Perfectionist, middle name commitment.

The foreseeable future not worthy of trust.

I decide is a constant predicament.

Difficult to distinguish love from lust.


Surrendering at this stage is such a shame.

The bride’s unmeasurable beauty is to brew.

Fate’s plan follows not the general acclaim,

“I object” emerges as my first “I do”

© 2012 House of Immite


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"Every settling-seeker" -- fantastic turn of phrase. It suggests not only "settle down" as in marry, but also the shuffle of a hungrily watching audience settling into their seats, giving audial depth to the scene you're setting in the opening quatrain, and the alliteration just cements it as memorable.

In the second quatrain, you have an internal rhyme in the first line (smile/aisle). That sets up an expectation for a similar rhyme in the third line, and the eye stumbles a little when that rhyme isn't there. Could I suggest "Her snow white bridal sweeps a mile," or some other word with a long I sound?
One spelling tip -- "down the aisle ," not "down the isle."

"Robbing people's money emotionally." What does that line mean? Does the ceremony use emotion to bilk money out of people? Or does it rob them of some kind of emotional wealth?

The fourth quatrain is an incisive commentary on the commercialization of love (c.f. Hallmark cards), and the last two lines in particular ("Mind manipulation . . . / ...revelation") give us good insight into how this paradox of recognizing commercialization, yet still buying into it, exists in the young groom's mind.

"The excuse of expectation excels to bind." I can't decide whether to classify this device as alliteration or assonance -- is it the 'e' or the 'x' sound which is most crucial in defining the use of repeated sounds in this line? Either way, repeating the same sound 3 times in 7 words makes this line extremely weighted with importance, the 'ex' sounds coming out clipped and bitten.

Your recurring inclusion of the priest's lines from the wedding ceremony make an excellent anchor -- the poem itself is a stream of consciousness inside the groom's mind, but these excerpts from the ceremony, intruding upon his thoughts, convey to the reader how much time is passing while these thoughts flicker past. What's more, they are deftly woven into the structure of the poem's rhyme and meter. It's a great use of a common reference point -- something most readers will instantly understand -- employed in an uncommon way.

What is your thinking behind ending most of the lines with a period? I ask because in much of your poetry, you use very little end-punctuation. I'd like to know more about the effect you intended to create with these almost terse lines; it is neither bad nor good, simply different, and I am curious.


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

House of Immite

7 Years Ago

"Robbing people's money emotionally"... i was referring to the first bit... using the ceremony to ta.. read more



Reviews

"Every settling-seeker" -- fantastic turn of phrase. It suggests not only "settle down" as in marry, but also the shuffle of a hungrily watching audience settling into their seats, giving audial depth to the scene you're setting in the opening quatrain, and the alliteration just cements it as memorable.

In the second quatrain, you have an internal rhyme in the first line (smile/aisle). That sets up an expectation for a similar rhyme in the third line, and the eye stumbles a little when that rhyme isn't there. Could I suggest "Her snow white bridal sweeps a mile," or some other word with a long I sound?
One spelling tip -- "down the aisle ," not "down the isle."

"Robbing people's money emotionally." What does that line mean? Does the ceremony use emotion to bilk money out of people? Or does it rob them of some kind of emotional wealth?

The fourth quatrain is an incisive commentary on the commercialization of love (c.f. Hallmark cards), and the last two lines in particular ("Mind manipulation . . . / ...revelation") give us good insight into how this paradox of recognizing commercialization, yet still buying into it, exists in the young groom's mind.

"The excuse of expectation excels to bind." I can't decide whether to classify this device as alliteration or assonance -- is it the 'e' or the 'x' sound which is most crucial in defining the use of repeated sounds in this line? Either way, repeating the same sound 3 times in 7 words makes this line extremely weighted with importance, the 'ex' sounds coming out clipped and bitten.

Your recurring inclusion of the priest's lines from the wedding ceremony make an excellent anchor -- the poem itself is a stream of consciousness inside the groom's mind, but these excerpts from the ceremony, intruding upon his thoughts, convey to the reader how much time is passing while these thoughts flicker past. What's more, they are deftly woven into the structure of the poem's rhyme and meter. It's a great use of a common reference point -- something most readers will instantly understand -- employed in an uncommon way.

What is your thinking behind ending most of the lines with a period? I ask because in much of your poetry, you use very little end-punctuation. I'd like to know more about the effect you intended to create with these almost terse lines; it is neither bad nor good, simply different, and I am curious.


Posted 7 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

House of Immite

7 Years Ago

"Robbing people's money emotionally"... i was referring to the first bit... using the ceremony to ta.. read more
very well written, its powerful, especially with the
"Hurriedly following, organs screech." This phrase could be understood in so many different ways, to so many different people.. It is well written, but i would challenge you to remove any abstractions, or obfuscations in the text, you want to make it as clear as possible so that people who dont understand your situation or circumstance, can better understand what you are trying to say.. its a really really nice poem though, it flows well, it uses end rhyme, (which i love, however remember that end-rhyme is not a popular form these days, dont ask me why, i guess the intellegent college instructors, and people who cant write, want to give people who have no business writing the ability to get a good grade in a poetry course without using rhyme.. so.. for me, your poem is brilliant, and i encourage you to remember that no work should ever go unfinished, Loved it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

this is really well written, thanks for sharing!

Posted 8 Years Ago


I love this poem :) Everything is flawless, and I couldn't imagine a more fitting title for it either: 'Forever Husband' successfully evokes the kind of sardonic disgust that I imagine the protagonist in the poem is experiencing as she's walking down the isle and performing the rituals. You did a great job of narrating a story in poetic form, progressing from the opening organ and ending on the perfect cadence. The first two stanzas and the final one are the best in my view, but the others are equally strong. The second one in particular I could read over and over; it just has a really nice lyrical quality to it.

I've read that you are from Palestine, so I'm assuming that this describes a traditional wedding in your part of the world because of the idiosyncrasies described in the 5th stanza. The poem as a whole could be read as a personal rejection of a bad match in one marriage, or a critique of the institution as a whole, depending on the perspective.

Good job :)



Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

A very good poem with words that hold great meaning. Tho I felt it was a tad long and found lately that if enterd into a contest it should not be longer than 34 lines. Still Android awesome job.

Posted 8 Years Ago


The story in this poem is amazing. Allowing the reader to feel and understand the thoughts of a new marriage. I like the internal thoughts. The strong ending made the poem complete. Thank you for the excellent poem.
Coyote

Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on February 20, 2012
Last Updated on February 20, 2012

Author

House of Immite
House of Immite

Amman, Jordan



About
The past formulates who we are today. This is the loose basis of my poetry. I'm 19 years old and I study architecture. I speak Arabic and English fluently, now learning German and hopefully after t.. more..

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