Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[Laura Kate]

This is simply stunning, Such heavy, deep and isolated sentiments, untangled and brought together again with a sense of fragility and innocence. I feel both sorrow and acceptance for both characters in this story. The raw openness on behalf of the narrator is inspiring. Thank you.

[Relic]

I'm glad you liked it. I appreciate your kind review.

[Patricia Wedel]

dear Relic... It seems we were born with an innate Spirit to explore; however, we respond to kindness and thereby will recognize the opposite as we live our days. We learn to love, but need to fight when necessary. To our own self be true, and it shall follow as the day, the night, we cannot be false to anyone. It is human to Er, but Divine to forgive. Amen
truly, Pat

[Relic]

Thanks very much for your review, Pat. :)

[@_av_poetry]

A very gripping poem. I loved this:

"But, flowers--I've discovered--are fragile things
that in a short period of time
will die from the slightest chill."

It is indeed simple needs that people are completely blind to sometimes, but the neglect of them can, with time, destroy a person and lead them away, somewhere where they can look for someone who can see clearly.

[Relic]

Thanks very much for your review.

[Sarah K Cass]

How sad. Well, that's how this struck me.

[Relic]

That's fine. Poetry encompasses many feelings. Thank you for reading.

[The Black Penman]

I found this to be full of thought and depth not to mention life.
I enjoyed the read.

[Relic]

Thank you very much, Black Penman.

[Cherrie Palmer]

I came back for a second read and it's beauty has not wilted one little bit.
As far as our new generation of lovers go, they seem to use the catch and release method. There is no interest in cultivating.

[Relic]

Thanks for reading, Cherrie.

[Richard M]

I'm not great on reviewing, but really like this Relic. So deep, honest and true. Thank you for finally finishing it and sharing it with us a WritersCafe. Take care my friend, stay safe and all the best to you.

[Relic]

Thank you, Richard.

[Paul Bell]

You just summed up life.
After the honeymoon is over, real life begins.
Sometimes we get so wrapped up we actually forget why we got together.

[Relic]

So true, Paul. Thank you.

[Cherrie Palmer]

It created a parallel universe immediately. Whither the damsel was deceased/ or merely dead to him. It rang out with regret, without the possibility of redemption.
A great piece of literature

[Relic]

Thank you, Cherrie. :)

[Lorry]

Ambivalence struck a deep chord within me, making me look at my own ambivalence that came about for the sake of some peace and wuiet, from nothing she done, but for life and all its other niggles.
Sometimes we forget that which is most important, as we get caught up in our own choking thoughts, that seem trivial now, that I finally got that quiet.
Your words here slow the reader to a pace where we can contemplate our own errors, while waiting for the next line to fall. very well written.

[Relic]

Thanks for reading, Lorry.