Echoes of You

~Echoes of You~

Your ghost hides in corners of our wrinkled sheets

reaching out transparent hands to grasp at my foolishness.

I've never enjoyed swimming naked in guilt's sea - 

It leaves me dripping remorse.

It seems, death's formidable grip can trump a full hand 

of indifference every time.

The mundane, repetitious days of our existence

held me in perspective as one

too ambivalent to shake his disembodied shoulders. 

The scent of your demise to me seemed innocuous -

fleeting, and unable to bloom;

But, flowers - I've discovered - are fragile things 

that in a short period of time

will die from the slightest chill.

And I...unbelievably -

immersed in my neglectful, narrow corner -

unable to sympathize or relate to simple needs -

never noticed at all -

your petals -

falling one by one.

How often have men picked their flower in life only to ignore her later through the trials of marriage? Her tears like petals have fallen. Now, through her absence, he realizes too late, what he has done: Disregarded and Ignored his soul mate.

Your thoughts are always welcome.

Author's Note

Note to self: Changed the picture and a couple of words.


A quick note:

~~This is by far my most popular poem. And yet, it didn't start that way. Many young people are offended by advice or suggestions from others. They feel insulted that someone would critique their writing.

As for me, I came here not just to share my writing but to learn as well. If it wasn't for suggestions from Rick Puetter and Girl Friday (see below) I don't think the poem would have been as good. The poet Richard also helped me fine tune the poem and it is now--after all these years--(in my mind) complete.

We can always learn from other people as long as we know they have more experience and know-how than us.~~

Reviews

[ZakLeonRamsey]

I am really sorry if this offends you, but what is this poem about? From the 'swimming naked in the guilt's sea' it makes me confused, but does that line refer to something she/he has done bad which means the protagonist doesn't like swimming in the sea of guilt?

[Relic]

He ignored the woman he loved. The lines you refer to are a metaphor.

[ZakLeonRamsey]

Ah, okay. I keep getting mixed up with these kinds of poems, in this style, format.

[‘Thoughts In Time..]

I think it’s just beautiful how you look back and in reflection you learn of the longing of your soul and can admit to weakness which are part of our growth and learnings- sometimes regret comes too late but life gives us more than one chance to make right- well let’s hope- everyone deserves a second chance- love the words the deep connecting with self and your honesty where having failed- well written 🌹

[Relic]

Thank you for your thoughts, thoughts. :)

[‘Thoughts In Time’🌹]

My pleasure🌹

[conversations with her ..]

I really enjoyed this poem, and I’m looking forward to reading more of your pieces. I'm kind of new on here and it would be an honor if you can review my 4 new recent poems. (The world is ours, Nostalgia, Paradise, and You)

Thank you and Keep up the Good work!

[Fatima]

this is so good and meaningfull

[Relic]

Thank you, Fatima.

[...]

Begin of poem was great. I feel drifted into your poetic stream . But in middle this long words cannot take me in. I feel like something pushing away. Maybe cause my English is so bad. Or I except another progress of your poem. I am sure it's great poem but somehow i cannot relate it .I am sorry if my words hurt you. Just another opinion . For your note about reviews. I have actually opposite experiences.Mostly I get praises and sweet words without any analysis of my writing. Also is not just young writers but also quiet old and veterans writers. Yes is depending also how you say what's wrong with a poem. I think it will be great if here will be more honesty and kidnes

[Relic]

Thanks for your thoughts. :)

[Moonie]

"But, flowers--I've discovered--are fragile things
that in a short period of time
will die from the slightest chill." --Those are my favourite lines...i feel that your writing style resembles mine in some ways, but it has much more finesse and delicacy. Good writing!
And i agree, writers shouldn't get offended by critique over here... I have almost given up giving harsh criticism to poets now, since many of them seem to take it the hard way...

[Relic]

I know what you mean. Thanks so much. :)

[Escribe]

I read this more than once out loud. The words were just too powerful to not be heard.

[Relic]

Thanks very much for your thoughts, Escribe. :)

[Haneefah]

it is indeed echoes of d absent.
interesting. To me the poem is perfect.

[S.Jane]

Absolutely beautiful..I felt your mood..whatever mood u were in when you wrote this..

[Relic]

To tell you the truth, I was in a frustrated mood and wanted to write something different. This came out.

I appreciate the review S. :)

[S.Jane]

I know..I felt it

[Relic]

.................. :)

[DiskartetHaraya]

Your metaphors flow so naturally, as if noticing them were as natural as seeing the material world.

Your profile and writings closed, I found your works through DIVYA's. (It's amazing how our writings are connected, isn't it?)

The first of yours I read was "Abandoned Writers Café". Reading your Author's Note here, I don't know why but despite just having found you today, I am grateful.

I hope many writers would come to appreciate feedback and not be afraid to voice out their own as well.

In the meantime, though you have moved away from here and the relics of you remain, today I'm pretty sure writing is alive. Exploring sites and avenues like you.

[Relic]

You're very kind, thank you.
My account will be opened again....just not now. :)