The Brotherly Warm-Up Duel

The Brotherly Warm-Up Duel

A Story by Hunter-Arkaman

Hunter and his older brother Vincent have a brotherly duel to see who is the toughest swordsman of all.


There were two young men walking in the forest of Bridas to a clearing where they will commence their challenge. They are both related as brothers who share the last name Arkaman by blood. The brothers are both swordsmen sharing a little bit of rivalry towards each other in a sibling rivalry.


The older brother had long hair-black as ebony, eyes blue as sapphire, white and black long sleeved armored tunic, black leather gloves, red cape, black pants and dark leather boots. He goes by the name, Vincent.


Vincent's younger brother had mid-long brown hair that is almost the length of a waterfall, green emerald eyes, armored green long sleeved top, dark green Baltic gloves, long cobalt fuzzy cape, blue pants with black wolf fur leggings, crisscrossed graphite leather belt and green shoes with white soles. He happens to be called, Hunter.


Hunter and Vincent disembarked their spot in the huge clearing in the forest. Before they could raise their swords and fence, they took their time to meditate in order to concentrate their strategic styles.


As the brothers wrapped up their meditation, Hunter took off his left glove and puts on an iron steel claw gauntlet glove on his left hand and picked up his sword. Vincent picked up his sword and held a pistol in his left hand. In order to prevent accidental causalities in battle, Vincent changed the setting on his pistol to safe without any cause of death.


"I'm ready when you are, brother," Hunter said getting ready to fight as he held his sword close to him like he is getting pumped up for the challenge.


"Always ready for a challenge, brother," Vincent smiled and clanged his sword lightly to Hunter's.


The men stared at each other as if they were having a staring contest. Without hesitation to strike, Hunter took the first chance to attack and slashed his sword giving Vincent the chance to block the attack with his blade as the swords made loud clanging steel noises.


"You're learning how to use a sword very well, my brother," Vincent congratulated Hunter. "But we're only just getting warmed up."


"If we get warmed up, we'd be the hottest knights out of all swordsmen," Hunter said with a little arrogant attitude but never meant it like that for real.


They swung their blades and clashed harder and harder until Hunter raised his left hand to slash Vincent with his metal claw but missed as Vincent dodged from the claw swipe and clashed his sword against his.


"With your metal claw still intact, you’ll need a scratching post," Vincent smirked jokingly.


"I can't have a scratching post if I'm not a cat," Hunter blushed feeling a little embarrassed.


"Enough talk," Vincent said getting serious wanting to focus on their daily fencing. "Let us continue our fencing."


"Right," Hunter agreed and held his sword up high.


They both continued to clash mercilessly in an epic scene using a lot of their vigor. Vincent loaded his gun on his left and aimed at Hunter. Vincent pulled the trigger and shot a bullet causing a shiny silver bullet to fly out of the pistol like a bird but Hunter blocked the bullet with his sword like he is using it not only for attack but as a shield.


"The bullets are meaningless against my bulletproof blade," Hunter said feeling a little cocky. "You best better get a better handgun."


"I'm good without a replacement," Vincent replied with his decision of not getting rid of his favorite handgun.


"True to that," Hunter replied.


As the brothers felt a little bit tired, they decided to relax and recover their strength to continue fencing.


With enough energy refueled in their bodies, Hunter and Vincent both continued clashing their swords once more and gave everything they got in them.


"The pen is mightier than the sword," Hunter said using the adopted metonymic adage coined phrase from Cardinal Richelieu and pushed his sword against Vincent's slightly.


Vincent proceeded to push Hunter's sword away with his and stared at him as Hunter looked at him straight in the eye as well to see who is the strongest to push away one's sword. Hunter gave all his strength to push but lost it when Vincent decided to push him away real hard causing Hunter to stagger giving Vincent the chance to attack but Hunter was able to cancel the attack by clashing his sword against Vincent's.


"You can make me stagger but you cannot make me shatter," Hunter said.


As Vincent finally felt exhausted from the clashing against Hunter, he laid his sword and handgun on the ground and lied down in the pastures and relaxed.


"That was a pretty good fight there, brother," Vincent said congratulating him once again. "It feels good to have a brother like you."


"Us together as swordsmen, we have two heads that is better than one," Hunter agreed and lied down next to him to look up at the sky.


"Imagine what if we could challenge at Tenugaia's coliseum in a tag-team," Vincent dreamed about sharing their victory with the others.


"We would be able to take home the gold and live up to the name of Arkaman," Hunter said in an agreement.


Vincent sat up and Hunter did so too. They both then got up and gathered their battle possessions and decided to walk back home.


As they are willing to continue fighting, their last name will eventually be renowned as one of the legendary swordsmen they could possibly be.

© 2012 Hunter-Arkaman

Author's Note

What do you think of this epic battle? Is there anything I should change as far as sentences, dialogue and grammar?

My Review

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I like the premise. I love a good sword fight and the bigger picture involving a colosseum is intriguing. However, there are a few issues.
The verb tenses kept changing. You need to get all of those in past (preferably) or present.
There are also a few places where you chose to tell rather than show, and some where there is a redundancy of telling and showing.
These are just a couple of the big things you should take care of first. The smaller offenses will stand out more after those are smoothed out.
If you have any questions about the review or help with polishing up your piece, feel free to ask; I'd be happy to help.

Posted 11 Years Ago

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1 Review
Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on May 29, 2012
Last Updated on June 22, 2012
Tags: the brotherhood warm-up battle f