The Beauty that is Home

The Beauty that is Home

A Poem by Anastasia

Rippling waves calmly gliding onto the cool serene moonlight beach,

A drop falling from the sky,

More drops,

Falling,

Raining,

Pouring,

With a no longer serene sea,

With the waves reaching astonishing height by the howling wind surrounding us like we have been embraced by the devil himself,

Loud cracks of thunder come from the sky,

Only being delayed by the blinding flash of lighting

The rain,

The light,

The sound,

The sky reaching a new jubilante,

Slowly,

as we encompass a new day,

The loud waves battering the beach slow,

Crashing into a more melodic, relaxing sound,

And the new day rejuvenates the destruction of the storm before,

And life is restored to its natural beauty,

The beauty that is home

© 2018 Anastasia


Author's Note

Anastasia
I would really love some advice on some of the words I used, I feel like the wording was a little repetitive and awkward.

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Featured Review

Nothing like a raging storm- was caught in a 15 foot sea swell in the middle of a raging storm leaving the Panama Canal crossing over to Inside Passage when I worked onboard cruise ship- in way to Alaska- now that was an experience of a life time when u learn to respect the sea and the forces of nature and you learn to have faith when satellites and stabalizers don’t work- lightening is a beautiful wonder work- well written and very much alive🌹

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Anastasia

2 Years Ago

Thank you, as someone who has seen something like this, you saying it was good is so amazing.



Reviews

Nothing like a raging storm- was caught in a 15 foot sea swell in the middle of a raging storm leaving the Panama Canal crossing over to Inside Passage when I worked onboard cruise ship- in way to Alaska- now that was an experience of a life time when u learn to respect the sea and the forces of nature and you learn to have faith when satellites and stabalizers don’t work- lightening is a beautiful wonder work- well written and very much alive🌹

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Anastasia

2 Years Ago

Thank you, as someone who has seen something like this, you saying it was good is so amazing.
I love being outside during a raging storm. I love all the noisy threatening aspects of dramatic weather & you've done a great job of whipping up a maelstrom with your words. I like the way you use a variety of line lengths, which resembles the way it is when watching a storm -- sometimes lots of action, sometimes we wait for the next bolt or flash. All in all, strong word crafting (((HUGS))) Fondly, Margie

You ask for advice on word choices & I see two main things . . . (1) this could be pushed a little further toward intensity by replacing "blah" words like these: Falling, Raining, Pouring . . . with some less predictable: Tumbling, Dripping, Lashing, Hammering, Spilling.

And (2) instead of telling about a sound: "loud cracks of thunder come from the sky" . . . try creating words that SHOW instead of tell: crrrrrack! ka-bang! snarzzzzle! snap! sizzle! . . . such words are called "onomatopoeia" -- words that sound like what's actually going on.

Posted 2 Years Ago


Anastasia

2 Years Ago

Thank you, I'll try to work on that.
barleygirl

2 Years Ago

When I give suggestions, I'm not asking you to rip up your poem (nobody likes doing that) . . . just.. read more
You're feeling awkward cause it's the first write here. But your writing and the meaning convey isn't awkward at all in fact emotions were dark and lies truth it it.
Keep writing!

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Anastasia

2 Years Ago

Thank you so much.
Not awkward at all. In fact, it's quite beautiful. The wording and flow are nice.

Posted 2 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Anastasia

2 Years Ago

Thank You so much.

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Added on March 31, 2018
Last Updated on March 31, 2018

Author

Anastasia
Anastasia

VT



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It's an F'ed up world but it's a two player game. I love Disney more..

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