M.I.A.

A piece of flash fiction

The room was quiet, with only a faint hum of roadwork’s coming from the freeway. The toxic stench of stale cigarettes and incense caused Jim to gag and cover his mouth with his t-shirt. The bunk bed was full of magazines, books, and junk that had no purpose. The floor was strewn with dirty underwear, empty beer cans, and half full take-away boxes. He lifted a slice of pizza and eyed it in disgust, ‘Hmmm, pepperoni and penicillin’ he whispered, as he placed it carefully on top of the overflowing pedal bin. In all his years serving as a Marine in hell holes around the world, Jim had never seen filth quite like this.

Jim moved to the window and tried to lift the sash. His barrel like arms strained and heaved, but it had been stuck fast when his son Jacob had painted the room black a few years ago.  He stood back from the window, with the sound of potato chips breaking beneath his feet. ‘How can anyone live like this?’ he mumbled, while scratching his arms and neck roughly.

 The black walls were covered with posters of bands that wore make up and angled fringes that covered half their faces. They had names like ‘Don’t look down’, or ‘Kids that cut’. They disgusted him, and he stared at them through hate filled eyes. They were the ones who had kidnapped his strong and healthy boy, and turned him into a weak minded little prick.

‘Why can’t he play baseball or something, like a normal kid’ he spat while rummaging through Jacob’s chest of drawers. Jim found a Playboy magazine which made him smile, ‘at least he ain’t no f*g’ he chuckled while flicking through its contents. He placed the magazine back in the drawers and found a small notebook which he opened. It was completely blank except for a small poem written in calligraphy.

  LIFE SUCKS:
 Pop’s never at home
 Can’t reach on the phone
 With a w***e, drunk in bed
 Crying alone, my Mom is dead.

Reviews

[Baby Ricochet]

Sounds like where I was held up at after my divorce but no band posters. Great story

[ian8777]

It wa based on an old flatmates living arrangements..thanks for the review!

[Marie]

Very good; very pointed. You didn't tel about your characters, but "showed" them, which is a mark of good writing.

[ian8777]

Thanks Marie. I am always torn between the balance of showing and telling, nice to know someone thinks I got it right.

[Marie]

You got it just right. My own descriptive powers are somewhat lacking.

[ian8777]

just read your story 'straws' and I think your descriptive powers are right on!

[Marie]

Thank you. I don't describe backgrounds or people, but hope they are defined in the context of my writing.

[ian8777]

Yes i get that. This is also the way I like to write. I feel that a person's actions can determine how the reader will make them look in their minds...

[Lost in Wonderland]

Nice imagery throughout the whole story. You wrote it very well, no uninspired beginnings. The emotions at the vet end were raw and well done in the boy's journal. Nice write
God bless

[ian8777]

Hey thanks very much. All the best..

[Lost in Wonderland]

No problem