Pain and Tears

Whisper to me, even a lie,
That I am worth a single breath,
Look deep into these weary eyes
And tell me not to look for death.
I'd hold you close if just to know
A moment's peace inside my heart
Even if my macabre soul
Says that you'll tear me all apart.
I cannot live this ugly life
Knowing that I'll never find peace.
I have been stabbed by fate's cruel knife,
Giving no hope that I'll release
These tears that I have kept at bay
From years of pain kept locked away.

Author's Note

"Whisper to me, even a lie, that I am worth a single breath."

Reviews

[Pete]

Powerful. I love every line of this. Favorite - "macabre soul". Excellent write.

[Fragilebrokendreams]

Beautiful, it brought a tear to my eyes. Explains so much in such little words, you can feel thy pain and suffering to the core...

[realmwriter]

This is where my ex ripped out my heart. So I've been here

"Whisper to me, even a lie,
That I am worth a single breath,
Look deep into these weary eyes
And tell me not to look for death."

Also my favorite lines.

I think it would help the flow a bit to break it up into individual stanzas of four lines each, though this is just a thought. I think it would also help the rhyme scheme as well. would make it a bit easier to identify them. They are very well done, it just seems as if they run into each other there by making it a touch difficult to follow.

Keep in mind these are simply suggestions and yes, I need to go through my pieces as well and clean them up a bit.

I really can identify with the entire piece as I think we have all been here and are searching for that peace in ourselves. Awesome piece my friend...!

[Miss Marie Riorden.]

"Whisper to me, even a lie,
Ttat I am worth a single breath,
Look deep into these weary eyes
And tell me not to look for death."

Speaks so deep and horribly alone. As if you should know that you are worth more and it's not a lie if someone told you to live. It's not a lie, it's truth and that penned out should show more that can be said.

-Marie Riorden-

[Lily Mae]

"Whisper to me, even a lie,
That I am worth a single breath"

Very powerful... wanting so bad to just know...xx