Not Anymore

Not Anymore

A Poem by Lynda

this is for a contest i'm entering.


"He didnt make it."

Those words repeated inside my head. Over and over again. It was about six months after I had first heard those bitter words.

I had gone mad.

            A month after, i woke up crying again. I dreamt that he was there, he was alive, he right in front of me, telling me that he loved me again and again. I ran towards him, but when i reached him. He was gone, in place was an empty tree. There was nothing there. I woke up and fell from my bed. I was on hands and knees, every breath was harder and harder to make as I started to sob. I didnt even get to tell him that i loved him with all my heart. I cried until dawn came, even then there was nothing that would make me feel any less than an empty body. I felt nothing, nothing but the pain and sorrow that came from those words. I didnt want to do anything. Soon after, I didnt feel the need to eat anymore, so i didnt eat.

I didnt want to do anything, so i locked myself inside my room. Sure my family would come to give me food, but i didnt eat. I would drink a cup of water, every now and then when my throat was so dry that i could cry anymore. That i couldnt talk or breathe, i would have a cup of water then. That's when i would.

I looked down at the world, at the yard that i would play in, the place that was filled with happiness and laughter. I could still hear that laughter. But i didnt care, all i knew that i just existed in a body with nothing inside. I walked towards the bed. I hated it. I hated sleep every since that dream. I would sleep when I needed to, but i would dream. Not anymore. I didnt want the things in life that i was so used to before, not anymore. Not anymore, will i talk, will i communicate with anyone. Not that i didnt have anyone to talk to, it was just that i didnt want to bother anymore. It was too painful. I just screamed and shouted and started to sob. I threw every picture of us at the mirror. Glass flew everywhere. But then i looked down, to see that a picture of him had surived, the entire frame and picture was perfect, completely untouched. I grabbed it. Then a light appeared from the sky, for the first time i had saw the light. I laughed, I smiled, i felt every joy of happiness as the light filled me with its warmth. I knew. 

I knew

I knew then that he was in a better place. He was all right. I was going to be alright. I could feel myself again as i stared down at the picture. I heard a knock at the door. 

"Honey, are you okay? Do you want to go and talk to me?" My mom entered the room. I sobbed, but this time, it was tears of joy. 

"I'm fine mom. I'm back, i'm back. I'm back." I hugged her and started to sob into her arms.   

© 2009 Lynda

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I'm absolutely speechless. It's so, so sweet, so sincere, so touching, so, I can't even think of a good adjective to sum up the amazingness of it! When you say it was good, you really meant it, and I believed you! if you wrote it, it's going to be good, because you've been writing for so long, that you know what works and what doesn't. you know what to put in a story and what not to, what to emphasize and what to take out all together.
I feel so inferior.
I hope that one fateful day, I will be able to show you a piece that is anything close to this.

Posted 11 Years Ago must be truly heartbreaking to have had love and lose it. When the cruelty of fate rips it from you. Sad write indeed. Thanks for entering the Missing Him, Missing Her contest.

Posted 11 Years Ago

This was very emotional. I kept coming back to this thinking "I'll read it later" and later has come. Fantastic work. I really grasped how much the speaker was in pain and how she/he was learning to cope with it.

Keep up the good work!

Posted 11 Years Ago

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Added on January 29, 2009



Me? I'm just a writer and a poet from Missiouri. I'm always writing. I write mainly fanfiction, but i just got a deviant account so then there's that too. more..


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