The Slobber Mouth...or.....Monster Beneath The Bed

Another childs story

The Slobber Mouth lives deep down south,
hunting the Ner' do wells.
with candy canes and wooden trains,
with buzzers and with bells.

With fur of green, that's never clean,
and eyes so big and red.
Four filthy paws with unclipped claws,
he fills the woods with dread.

Spiked tail and horns and teeth like thorns,
fixed in a scarey smile.
A big black nose and ragged clothes,
make up his unique style.

Baiting his traps with midday naps,
false promises and lies.
with wasted hours and April showers,
and soft spoke lullabyes.

Dust bunnies hop but never stop,
and never are they caught.
For they are wise to slobbers lies,
and all the gifts he's brought.
 
The Mites and Motes in winter coats,
so quickly scurry by.
for they too know never to go,
where Slobbers presents lie.

The feather bed floats over head,
the carpet thick with fluff.
He stamps his feet knowing he's beat
and screams enoughs enough.

He packs his sock and checks the clock,
so soon the house will rise.
Stomping away to sleep all day,
and hide from prying eyes.

Beneath your bed this sleepy head,
sits down to scheme and plan.
Tomorrow night if all goes right,
I'll catch the Bogeyman.

On tippy toes in bedtime clothes,
his teddy in his hand.
He waves goodnight to all in sight,
and leaves for faery lands.

Author's Note

This is a work in progress I am unsure of it thought I would let it out of it's box and see what you all thought. Be honest ~ Shadow

Reviews

[Kat Collins]

I love it! Delightfully amusing as the monster under the bed. It's the perfect poem to capture the essence of the silly monster creeping around trying to wreak havoc until the sun comes up. I agree with the comments about more descriptive uses within the poem to describe Slobber. But at the same time, it's a poem and you only want it so long. Maybe a children's rhyming book?

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

I have said this before and I will say it again.........you are Dr Seuss all over again. Your work is wonderful and oh so magical.........need to be published. Children will love you.

[.]

wonderful!! Metered to an inch of its life..it bobs along at that cheerful singsong pace which is perfect for this type of poem..you have mastered the art of rhyme and meter, you make it look easy but (and I know from experience) that its not easy method and takes skill and art to put off to this level..brilliant..but you know that already :)

[Ruth]

Oh I love this! Good to read something different here :)
I think this holds orginality and depth, great work hon! Love it!
xoxo

[Muse]

It's very cute...I agree with Sugar's comment below...it lacks a little something....sugar perhaps? lol I don't know...I like where you are going with this, perhaps you need to add more to the poem. Slobber Mouth...what does he smell like...look like, what is he thinking. Maybe that's it...I still feel that I don't know enough about this slobbering creature.

[Raspberry Rebel]

I did like this hon, but it just seems to lack something...I can't put my finger on it.
As always it's well written and will catch the attention of children...I just feel it could be fleshed out a little more.

[*~*Butterfly Kisses*~*]

I love this, I suppose it could continue but I like it the way it is too. Wonderfully written, nicely done!

[Dark Beauty]

Wonderful master piece here i loved it,awesome word display and it flowed nicely, I think its good as is and could also continue, maybe a part two!!