Romeo Juliet 121 Where are you

A modern Romeo and Juliet

An American soldier walks into a shelled ruin to find a young girl huddled in a darkened corner, her hands covering her face, she is shaking.

Soldier ~ How Amongst this war torn masonry,
             could Grow so fair a desert flower.
             That hides so soft her eyes from me,  
             but yet steals from me the very power. 
             To reason love amidst this scenery,
             as I ashamed now turn and cower.   

She looks up and on seeing his uncertainty and gentle face finds herself drawn to him.

Girl ~      By what star was this night born,
             that alights on so silent a step.
             Adorning this dark with love not scorn,
             and into my heart so softly crept.
             Doth now my soul such thoughts adorn,
             as through his eyes such sorrow wept.

They look at one another as the sound of automatic gunfire shatters the silence...

Soldier ~ If I could but steal one solitary hour,
             and thus pluck it out of time.
             Wouldst I not share it with this flower,
             that has so ataken this hard heart of mine.

Girl ~      If I could but steal one unashamed look, 
             and seal this chance meeting with a kiss.
             But for this war we are unstuck,
             and never may we share such bliss. 

Soldiers screaming orders and receiving commands.

Radio ~   Romeo Juliet 121 where are you,
             let fly the shells that rend this night.
             and burn surrounding building too,
             leave no cover from which for them to fight.

The soldier turns and runs out casting one final look over his shoulder towards her, she stands and walks to the doorway speaking.

Girl ~      May whatever God you pray to keep you,
             and May he safe your journey be.
             So when at last this madness through,
             he leads you back to be with me.

Soldier ~ May whatever God you pray to guard you,
             and keep you safe from hatreds eyes.
             That come a time when we're unbound,
             He let's us love without disguise.

The radio crackles into life orders are screamed and a shell whistles over the soldiers head, striking the second floor of her home causing the roof to collaspe.
He turns and screams running toward the smoke and dust billowing from the open doorway...

Soldier ~ What hell hath such disdain to break a heart,
             With mortar shell and racial hate.
             Imprisoning my soul now ripped apart,
             amidst the sands of this damned state.

He falls to his knees, rifle butt driven into the ground..

Soldier ~ Then let me here atone this crime, 
             ending this ache within my beating chest.
             For without your love what use is time,
             when by your side I seek to rest.

 He pulls his trigger and falls over slowly hitting the ground as she appears through the smoke coughing, she sees him and runs to crouch down by his side stroking his bloodied face..

Girl ~      In suicide are we both damned,
             and hell will own here our mortal soul.
             But just to be once held soft within your hand,
             would I suffer all to be made whole.

 His knife in her hand she closes her eyes and thrusts deep into her Breast, falling limp across his body and in death knows his touch.

Sergent ~ Why when all men are brothers,
              do we scar both heart and earth.
              Feel humbled by the sight of lovers,
              who knew that war attains not worth,
              Killing the sons of faceless mothers,
              that mourn now the life that they gave birth.

He walks away head bowed, other grunts gather around the couple and stare uncertainly at what transpired as love conquered death and cast doubts amongst the living.

Author's Note

Romeo Juliet 121 is his call sign and the 121 is a nod towards he and she one to one

Reviews

[Mary Fioratti]

I am just speechless with this writing. Really really beautiful. Like a chapter in a book, that you leave on your nightstand.
Perfect, and awesome!
*Mary*

[.]

brillant..wow...a little speechless..how very original, to incorporate a modern scene and built a poetic play around it ..bravo..and your rhyme and meter was superb

[Liza]

This was a poetic stage play and the title fit right into the theme of Romeo and Juliet, only Romeo was a soldier and Juliet surrounded by thieves of peace and security; i'm glad you found me today - it is refreshing to read someone who paints reality of emotions in a creative sight without a living hell or a constant utopia...there is still hope when love is conquered even in the death or transition of fears.

[Muse]

My favorite part:

Soldier ~ If I could but steal one solitary hour,
and thus pluck it out of time.
Wouldst I not share it with this flower,
that has so ataken this hard heart of mine.

Girl ~ If I could but steal one unashamed look,
and seal this chance meeting with a kiss.
But for this war we are unstuck,
and never may we share such bliss.

This is true talent. To capture a classic in a new and original light. 100/100

[T. J. Blackburn]

I like it very much. makes me think of the modernized movie from the 90's. Cheesy in a guilty pleasure kind of way.

Good job!

Creative criticisms/suggestions:
1. A few commas here and there in the stage directions.
2. "find a young girl huddled in a darkened corner, her hands covering her face, she is shaking." to ----> "...girl huddled in a dark corner, shaking, her hands covering her face."

[Sleeping Maiden]

GOSH, this is breath taking! All i can do is just be amazed. =D You write so well and i love your take on it. You captured the way it would be like in a Shakespearean write. I love...I love ... I absolutely LOVE IT!

I love the 2 different sides of the two characters...

this is going in my favorites!

[Baz]

Holy smoke - where to begin?! You call this a modern Romeo and Juliet and there is no doubt that you have captured the Shakespearean style extremely well. Not only that, but you transport it into the 21st century and it does not in the least feel out of place. Really well done indeed.

There are so many individual couplets that are really nice. I think my favourite is:

Killing the sons of faceless mothers,
that mourn now the life that they gave birth.

There are not too many writers as versatile you on the Cafe that I have come across. You can do plays, children's stories, adult themes poems, and much more besides. A real jack of all trades, and master of all trades as well.

[Neva Flores Smith - Cha..]

love conquered death and cast doubts amongst the living.........oh how wonderful!

[Lily Mae]

This pulled me in and captured my attention and landed in my heart.. This is beyond amazing.. You've captured the feelings and the essence of their thoughts and moments perfectly.. Excellent write. xxxx