How to Fake Convincingly

      At times, being fake is less messy and convenient than blurting out the truth. I have experienced their miraculous benefits at various instances. They come in handy in sticky situations where you bump into your ex-friends or annoying relatives- the ones who without fail keep a track of your varying complexion, body weight and relationship status and volunteer to comment on them without hesitation each time you are unfortunately thrown into their point of vision.

How do you do it convincingly?

Step one: Make sure the subject has spotted you, if not tactfully slip away or hide behind someone/something.

Step two: If the subject has spotted you (hard luck), slowly approach him/her. Smile convincingly- but do not overdo it. If you are meeting an ex-friend and you are a girl, then you could try screaming and fanning your hands about as if you are suffering from a heat wave or blow fake kisses, but I am personally against them. If you are a guy do not do this, you would just look like a freak.

Step three: Talk before they do, so you get to choose the topic. Focus the conversation on them and make sure it is never steered towards you- even if it does, just smile and kill them in your mind. In case of annoying aunts, you could ask about their children or pets- that would get them going for hours.

Step four: Maintain eye contact and feign absolute interest. Nod occasionally and convincingly. Paraphrase what they say and convert them into questions, so that that they wouldn’t suspect your new-sprung interest in their lives.

Step five: Look down at your watch/cell phone and look up, disappointed- tell them you are late for something and that you will call or text and slowly walk away (Do not run, screaming). Or wait for someone you don’t like to walk by and introduce him/her to the subject-whichever comes first.

Thus, you escape unscratched and un-irritated......until the next time.

 

Reviews

[~]

perfect Annie!! I completely concur with the pathological liar that you have so skillfully and deliciously explained :)
this was really fun to read :)
Step six - offer wine and chocolates so they will not remember what they wanted to say first place ;)

[Isabel25]

Lol! Moon.....but id rather go have them myself after enduring the torture, rather than waste them on such horrible people :p

[sereenaoutloud]

lol this is fantastic annie so fun to read and yet so very true (we all know someone like this)!!

[Isabel25]

So true Sereena :) Thanks a lot for reading this

[Abilash Uttama]

now I'm all set to tackle annoying aunties, thank you so much for this valuable lesson :D

[Isabel25]

haha...u r always welcome kid

[Joel Armstrong]

oh god...
honestly u gt me laughing after reading this.its very humourous.i absolutely loved it.pretty much spoken from experience .well done.im gnna save dis one in my library : )

[Isabel25]

Yes...and you very well know who all have gifted me with this experience. Im happy that i made you laugh on this :*

[Delmar Cooper]

I think it was Martin Cruz Smith who wrote, "In the absence of eye witnesses a consistent lie, resolutely maintained is wonderfully hard to break." You must admire a writer who notices little things like that.

[Isabel25]

Thank you for sharing that wonderful quote Delmar :)

[Marie]

All very good advice. I personally try never to meet anyone at all...

[Isabel25]

Yes...that is step zero! Thats usually the first step I try out :D

[ANTO]

You describe coping mechanisms for people who find it excruciating to walk down the street full of people they know and view them all like assassins wanting to capture you and hold you hostage while their words dissolve your mind like sulphuric acid and who leave you after they've done their work like a zombie - going W.T.F. ??
Thank God for the dark night and headphones, Annie lol.

[Isabel25]

'Excruciating' doesnt completely describe the pain I feel in such situations..but yes, that is the closest word that exists I guess. You have described the feeling perfectly- their words dissolving our minds like sulphuric acid...I cannot think of a better imagery Anto :D

[ANTO]

Do you scan the whole street - I bet you do, like a Terminator for threats lol. Its okay laughing but its no fun actually Annie. I empathise big-time.
:))

[Isabel25]

I actually do..I hate talking to people....even smiling is too mich at times.

[wordman]

well annie i sure learned a lot,thank you for the lesson

[Isabel25]

If u dnt mind I would like my fee in Indian Rupees, thank you :p

[wordman]

i will send it right over

[Stonz P.]

I do this whilst chatting too ;-P

Looks like Cosmo could pay you a fortune for this.. haha..
This is good guidance to those who're confused how to do this.. but for the masters... too many failures in avoiding such situations, they develop ninja focus over time and that is all that is needed to face these confounding circumstances..

Lesser punctuations than before. How did you manage? :P

[Isabel25]

Do u know anyone in Cosmo? If so show this to them...I thot u didnt chat with anyone...and about the punctuation-though extremely painful, I managed.... :P

[Stonz P.]

You can probably find them on their website I guess.
I chat with people on an occasional basis; pretty boring if you ask me :P

[Isabel25]

I didnt know that they changed the meaning of the word 'occasionally'....sniff sniff...I can smell something burning....oh look down! Its you pants!

[Stonz P.]

Don't wear pants so don't know what you're smelling but you should get it checked... in case of fire, people need to get up to run :P

[Isabel25]

joey could afford to do that cos he was handsome. What are you trying for anyway?

[Stonz P.]

Boxers?? Heard of them?
And not wearing pants is not exclusive to Joey and I'm no Joey.. I do whatever I likesss..

[mappingthenight]

This made me laugh aloud, but it also made me reflect on how many times I actually do this, especially step 3. The easiest thing to do is to keep asking them questions, make it about them, and keep them from getting to personal/invading my privacy.

However, I love this. I enjoyed the humor.

[Isabel25]

Thank u MN...I really enjoy reading your reviews:)....iam glad that you could relate to my stream of thoughts.