Chapter 7

I'll always hold your wish

“Hey Dad, I’m gonna go!” I yelled, sliding down the stair banister, my jacket clutched in my clammy palms. If Angelo was out there, I needed to find him, way before any one else did.
       “Wait! You just got home, and are you sure it’s okay to be wondering out by yourself right now?” He asked, getting up from his football game.
       Running to the door, I almost didn’t respond, but changed my mind, when I realized how perceptive he had been. “Its okay dad, I promise. I’ll be back soon.” Hugging him quickly, I rushed out of the house. With rugged breaths, I pushed my legs further and further down the street. Nothing he had said gave me any clues to where he might have gone. If he were truly Mother Nature, then couldn’t he go any where? Thoughts of this made me augment my speed; to scared I would never see him again. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself, if things were left untouched. Just like my mother, I had been completely and utterly stupid. I had let my emotions get the best of me, and in return had damaged the one person who had stayed by me. I was no better than she. But I could change things, just like she had done. I could learn from these appalling lessons and change the person I was.
       My legs were about to give out, having been pushed for 3 miles, but I wasn’t going to stop. Even though the sun had gone behind the clouds, there still was enough light to get me to the next street. Not exactly knowing the location he might have been, I let my mind begin to wonder, desperately trying to forget how cold and nauseating I felt. What had he meant saying he would always hold my wish? In the last few days, or maybe even weeks, I had entirely forgotten about the real purpose of his visit. Even if I hadn’t been overly mean, would he have stayed any longer? Maybe this was just a job to him…nothing more. With a sharp pain concentrating its self in my ankles, I screeched to a stop. My legs began to quiver, almost as I they were to give out any moment. But I couldn’t stop now; no, I needed to reach him.
       “Come on!” I ordered myself, but my legs wouldn’t budge. The pain that had begun near my ankles had spread up to my thighs. I had sprained something. Wincing only once, I started off with a slow walk, trying to ignore the throbbing. With heavy breathing I felt as if the world were shrinking. The once short street seemed to stretch out the further I went. On both sides of the street, the once familiar houses turned into old desolate yards. By now, I could only see a sliver of the moon. Only wearing the slim jacket I had carried, I started to shiver. The cold air had made its way through the holes in my jacket and into my skin, right to the bone.
       I hadn’t expected to be out this long. And I didn’t want dad to come searching for me. But where was Angelo?  Fighting the urge to cry like I had, on so many occasions, I bit my lip. Maybe this was it; maybe I was never going to see him again. Amber had been right; I hadn’t used my wish and now I was screwed. Even if I weren’t a tree, it was just as bad. I wasn’t free any way. Finding a rock to sit on, on the side of the street, I debated whether to call my dad to pick me up. I decided against it. He would ask me question that I knew I would not feel like answering. My heart hurt. The wish no longer mattered; it was his presence that I yearned for. Even if I hadn’t known him that long, he had still allowed me the greatest gift someone could have ever given me; time with my mother. Originally, that was what my wish was for. I was going to wish her back, but now, knowing she had a family, it would have felt like a sin to take her away. Even though, she couldn’t be a mother to me, she could be a great one for someone else.
       I curled my knees up to my face and wrapped my hands around them. Resting my head, I rocked back and forth, feeling the wind blow against me. It was silent out here, other than the occasional bark of a dog. And for some reason; it didn’t matter that it was dark and cold; I felt more alone than I had ever felt before.
       My dad came to pick me up. Getting in, I could see the worrisome look in his eyes, as if the 4 whole hours I was gone, he had done nothing but wait for me. I didn’t say anything; too afraid an apology would not be enough. The stiff air in the truck felt rather cozy, compared to the chilly temperature out there. I had never realized how safe I had felt in here with my dad. All those mornings of arguing while riding to school, seemed to evaporate. Looking around, everything was the same, papers scattered on the floor, Kevin’s toys in the back, and dad’s cigarettes in the cup holder. And all this felt oddly comforting.
       What took 4 hours by foot, only took 20 minutes by truck. We had arrived home. Shutting of the truck, I expected dad to get out of the car but he didn’t and I didn’t know why. Instead, he settled back in his seat and sighed.
       “What’s going on with you lately, huh?” He asked, taking a cigarette out of the pack. I opened my mouth, well aware how dry it felt.
       “I don’t know.” That’s all I could say. How was I going to explain that all that was missing now was Angelo? How was I going to tell him that there were things in the world well past science?  
              “Aren’t you happy that you got to see your mother?” His tone wasn’t angry or even upset, it simply was just curious.
       I looked at him, desperately wanting to tell him everything. But I couldn’t and I knew that. “Yes, very. I’m glad things were cleared up.”
       “Ya me too,” he added….hesitantly. Something about the way he had said that made me fear he was upset with mom coming back. Of course, he knew I wasn’t going to leave him for her. Didn’t he?
              “Dad, mom said you were a great father.”
              “Oh, did she?” He asked, flinging his cigarette out of the vehicle.
              “Ya, she says she thinks about you sometimes, too.” I smiled, remembering the way she had sounded. As if there was hope.
       Dad turned to me. He didn’t speak, just looked at me. I took a deep breath in, wondering if I had said too much. “Hope do you know how you got your name?”
              “Not really.”
              “Your mother came up with it.”
              “I kind of guess that,” I replied, giving out a quiet chuckle. “I doubt you could come up with such a girly name.”
       “Hey, that’s not fair,” he laughed. Then his face turned to stone. His voice got quiet, almost to a whisper, and he said, “Your mother came up with that name, thinking it would give us hope as a family. She thought you would keep us together.”
              I looked down at my feet, almost ashamed. “But I didn’t.”
              “Honey, yes you did! You gave us all hope. Even when we weren’t looking for any.”
              “Then why are things the way they are right now?” I asked through teary eyes.
              He leaned in and brushed a piece of hair out of my eyes. I tried to smile.
       “Things are the way they are because of us two, not you. You had nothing to do with how we felt about each other. From the beginning I had a feeling things wouldn’t last. I mean, if you have a baby in high school, there isn’t going to be any happily ever after. Things just don’t work out that way.” I knew what he was saying was true. How many girls did I see drop out because they were pregnant or because they couldn’t take care of their baby by themselves? Their boyfriends had left them. It had been a miracle my parents had lasted so long.
              “So your mother still thinks of me, huh?” He continued.
              I gazed up at those aging eyes, well aware that they were trying to open me up.
              “Yes, she told me herself.”
              “What did you guys talk about while you two were at the park?”
              “I have siblings.”
              “Yes, you do.”
              “I want to go visit them sometime.”
              “Sure, you just say that word.” We had spent the last half hour talking but now…now he seemed distant, like he was thinking.
              “I’m gonna go now.”
              “Oh I almost forgot we were in the truck,” he laughed.
              As soon as I got to my room, I sluggishly got into bed.
              I couldn’t sleep that night.

Author's Note

Rough draft