The Talking Walls

A Villanelle

 

Voices echoing down the halls;

The spirits all wail and moan.

Hear their far off tormented calls.

 

Within the night my skin now crawls,

Fear permeates me to the bone,

Voices echoing down the halls.

 

My fists are clenched tightly in balls,

And no form has yet to be shown.

Hear their far off tormented calls.

 

Throughout the asylum it sprawls;

Darkness blacker than I have known,

Voices echoing down the halls.

 

In the Louisiana squalls;

Their haunting voices have been blown,

Voices echoing down the halls.

 

Trapped within the asylum’s walls;

On and on without end they drone.

Hear their far off tormented calls.

 

I feel that now my bravery falls,

My choice to enter I bemoan.

Voices echoing down the halls;

Hear their far off tormented calls.

 

09/24/2011

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

My fists are clenched tightly in balls,
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Fists are clenched tightly into balls,

My choice to enter I bemoan.
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Choice to enter I bemoan.

Again these would be better... slightly as they are...
Your usage of the word "HALL" give the added feel to the audience... in this passage... the repeated echo like sense to the reader...

[.]

well done!
the refrains and repeats fit the subject perfectly.

[Raven Starhawk]

Your craft is well harnessed. I found the first few opening lines intriguing and therefore I was compelled to read onward. Towards the end I was left in a satisfied state as your writing is quite filling.

[K.C. Zbryk]

The format choice was perfect for this poem, the repeated lines seem to echo the panicked thoughts of someone trapped. Very well crafted and leaves me wondering what the next piece will involve.