Vacant

A poem, with a bit more rhyming then I usually use. I always try to just focus on the meaning and how I want to express it, usually emotional topics, so with any writing I do I try to keep it raw.

The Axe slams on the chopping block

Rips apart my thoughts - hits the latch - on Pandoras box

Upon the door a tremendous knock
Slips past the locks - Now the sins full spin - and the mind begins

To unfold such a devious plan

laced with iron clad - "Hey-hey this ain't so bad"

Then it topples - pops like a bubble

Corrosion flows from the inside - like a spider mine - set with my mind

Makes me blind - towards anything that matters - like friendships or a father
Or like that poor little girl down on the street

No shoes or glasses for those eyes so blue

Or what about that man crying under the bleachers

No longer has his soul or food - the dirt buries his features.

Still in a matter of seconds

The Axe hits the pavement - reality awakens - clothed yet still cold and naked

Screaming in the vacancy of my own visions 

Helpless - useless - such feelings of familiarity 

then its over - gone with life's cold shoulder

the suns warm - back in form - the darkness back in hole

Enjoy it before your vacant once more

   

Author's Note

Ignore grammar please.

Reviews

[modtoddinc]

This is a wonderful poem... (the first I have read of your writing at this point) I was drawn to your page by you name. :) Jrocktothebeat. I am an artist at heart, music being at the forefront, writing what I am best at, multi-media an addiction, and all the rest close behind. I also love comparative mythology, but enough about me... I liked this piece because it a) grabs the readers attention, b) carries the reader through to the end, and c) (Which is the most important to me) uses good metaphors. My favorite verse/line is "Then it topples - pops like a bubble Corrosion flows from the inside - like a spider mine - set with my mind" I do want to say 'within my mind' but that is just me. I LOVE the idea of a spider mine of thought. (I would edit slightly, if it were my choice to do so, in that I would try to use the word "like" less) but overall a very good job. I will be reading more of your writing for sure.

~Peace, Todd