Wind Walkers: The Fall of the Great Nations

A prologue to Wind Walkers.

Patient zero came and went, in a slow and agonizing descent. Quarantined for months on end she waited for a cure, while her body and mind incubated the viral bug. Upon her death, the doctors believed that they had at last identified and eradicated the virus. Except that, the virus they contained was not the virus that killed patient zero. That virus remained alive and well, even after her body had begun to harden and decay.

Procedure had been followed until the last wisp of air escaped her lungs, and she fell into the eternal sleep. It was not until after her death that the virus was spread, first to the mortician - who made the fatal mistake of touching his own flesh after making contact with the body - and then to his wife, who happened to be ovulating that day.

As the virus spread, it was quickly discovered that it was far more deadly than doctors had anticipated. Not only did it ravage its host, but it gave them an unquenchable thirst for blood. While leading researchers scoured their texts and sought out immunity to the virus, those who remained uninfected above ground began to band together in groups. Tribes were formed over all the land, finding comfort and safety in numbers.

Among the many tribes of the great nations were the Wind Walkers, who rode on the drafts in balloons. John Roon, the father of the tribe, had ushered his family into the sky in an attempt to escape the hell below. Soon, others joined him, procuring balloons of their own and letting the wind carry them. The Wind Walkers became a prominent force, and thrived despite the bleak state of the world. For every generation from the time of John Roon, the title of chief was passed to the eldest son of the tribe's current leader. This ensured the tribes survival and for many years they continued on in this way. Then there was Bethany.

Author's Note

This is meant to be a prologue to the story. It may or may not change as I go.

Reviews

[e.clayton]

I really liked the first chapter. I believe that many young readers will enjoy this, as well. It has many things that are popular in the younger crowd, but I also think that young adults will enjoy this too! i will finish reading the rest of it later =)

[J.A. Marquez]

Thanks I love writing for younger readers because they (we) are growing up in a world where technology dominates life. If I can draw in a youth and get them to love reading the way I and many others do, then I have done my job well. I hope I can start my career as a young adult, teen, and children's writer and as I age allow my writing to mature with me.

[B-zero]

Cool concept

[Stephen]

I like this prologue, very well done. I definitely want to read the rest, and I will. Thanks for sharing, im excited to read on

[@juliza]

I love how you crafted your words! They flow nicely and I enjoyed reading this! cant wait to read more from you!

[A.G.Adair]

This is a well written start to your story and i like the idea of a civilization seviving on the wind. I'd consider giving the reader more info on the infected. Do they still have there faculties or are they more your run of the mill zombie's

[J.A. Marquez]

As the story progresses there is more to be learned about the blood hunters. Their function ranges from lucid and violent to mindless beasts. Later on in what I have already written the main characters have encountered two different levels of blood hunters, plus they have to contend with hostile tribes. This is something of a prologue to the story. I din't want to give too much away right away.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Sounds similar to a zombie plague situation. Just started reading...i'm excited:)

[J.A. Marquez]

Exactly. There is a plague situation going on. It won't be a big part of the story right away, but trust me it is coming.

[Dani The Unreviewed]

Okay:) i can say that i love the story so far.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

The story flows yet needs some help…the quick read with shorter chapters…makes one attain the story line in bits and pieces…I would give a certain area and time in the first paragraph…there’s no real start…just goes right into the plot…without no introduction…I would also watch the way this goes with the presence of commas and capitalization…give us time within areas…I will put an example below:

Yours…

Patient zero came and went in a slow and agonizing descent. Quarantined for months on end she waited for a cure while her body and mind incubated the viral bug. Upon her death the doctors believed that they had at last identified and eradicated the virus. Except that the virus they contained was not the virus that killed patient zero. That virus remained alive and well even after her body had begun to harden and decay.

Procedure had been followed until the last wisp of air escaped her lungs and she fell into the eternal sleep. It was not until after her death that the virus was spread, first to the mortician who made the fatal mistake of touching his own flesh after making contact with the body and then to his wife who happened to be ovulating that day.

As the virus spread it was quickly discovered that it was far more deadly than doctors had anticipated. Not only did it ravage its host, but it gave them an unquenchable thirst for blood. While leading researchers scoured their texts and sought out immunity to the virus, those who remained uninfected above ground began to band together in groups. Tribes were formed over all the land finding comfort and safety in numbers.

Among the many tribes of the great nations were the wind walkers who rode on the drafts in balloons. John Roon, the father of the tribe, had ushered his family into the sky in an attempt to escape the hell below. Soon others joined him, procuring balloons of their own and letting the wind carry them. The Wind Walkers became a prominent force, and thrived despite the bleak state of the world. For every generation from the time of John Roon, the title of chief was passed to the eldest son of the tribe's current leader. This ensured the tribes survival and for many years they continued on in this way. Then there was Bethany.

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Patient Zero came and went in a slow, but agonizing descent. Quarantined for months on end; she waited for a cure. While her body and mind incubated the viral bug. Upon her death, the doctors believed that they had at last identified and eradicated the virus. Except that the virus, they contained was not the virus that killed Patient Zero. That virus remained alive; well even after her body had begun to harden and decay.

…see how this gives time for the reader…and the capitalization: Patient Zero…the way you have it now…the reader is quite confused --- form the start of this story line…since you are in actuality given “Patient Zero” as character…to continue…

Procedure had been followed, until the last wisp of air escaped her lungs. She fell into the eternal sleep. It was not, until after her death. That the virus had spread. First, the mortician who made a fatal mistake of touching his own flesh. After making contact with the body and then to his wife who happened to be ovulating that day.

…see the development of this carrying into this paragraph…but when someone looks at the wording…you see it point blank for what it is…and clarity is noted…but from here…I believe you can take over and edit through this chapter…I would put your synopsis in the beginning…just as a reminder…since that gives us the bread and butter of the story --- to get us into reading this novel…

As the virus spread it was quickly discovered that it was far more deadly than doctors had anticipated. Not only did it ravage its host, but it gave them an unquenchable thirst for blood. While leading researchers scoured their texts and sought out immunity to the virus, those who remained uninfected above ground began to band together in groups. Tribes were formed over all the land finding comfort and safety in numbers.

Among the many tribes of the great nations were the wind walkers who rode on the drafts in balloons. John Roon, the father of the tribe, had ushered his family into the sky in an attempt to escape the hell below. Soon others joined him, procuring balloons of their own and letting the wind carry them. The Wind Walkers became a prominent force, and thrived despite the bleak state of the world. For every generation from the time of John Roon, the title of chief was passed to the eldest son of the tribe's current leader. This ensured the tribes survival and for many years they continued on in this way. Then there was Bethany.

[J.A. Marquez]

I agree with some of the punctuation here, which is something I usually tackle as I read over it again. Some of it, however has left me a bit boggled.

[J.A. Marquez]

And the synopsis is supposed to be at the beginning, but my phone won't allow me to move it....it's frustrating.

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You'll get there...phones are not the tools for writing...I stray away from them...they hinder your typing when you're on a regular keyboard...and start to get side track where the letters are...by memory...

[J.A. Marquez]

I'm 21, I am proficient at both (intended to make you grin). I actually agree, though. My computer is currently ill. He has lost something valuable to him and is in the greiving process. We expect a full recovery, however cannot yet pay his medical bills. It is a shame. My writing has indeed taken a blow, but if I let it stop me then I would be a quitter, and that I am not. Also, my phone and computer keyboards are nearly identical, so that isn't really an issue for me. You're right, I'll get there. Thank you dearly for the feedback and the response.

[613]

Pretty amazing concept! I plan on reading the rest of it soon!

- Brittney

[B-zero]

Hey great start of the book. It definitely introduce the backstory of the subject of the story. I appreciate your response to my book and thanks for the friend request.

[Nila M.]

I wanted to add that I like the approach of an outline that then gets filled in as you go along. Sometimes a great story starts with a single sentence.

[J.A. Marquez]

Wow, that means a lot to me. Fiction is sort of a passion of mine. Well, books are in general, but I love fiction because it appeals to a lot of people. And yes I have quite the imagination. This is pretty restrained for me, lol. Thank you so much for reading this. If you ever have any suggestions for me I am open to them.

[Nila M.]

My pleasure, I'm going to keep reading more. I love the idea of the balloon tribe, it adds a really kind of magical feeling to the post apocalyptic tone which I think is a really cool approach.

[Nila M.]

I really like your use of words and everything progresses very well and all fits in the right places. I love the idea of the balloons and definitely did not see that coming which I think attests to your imagination and also makes the story unique. I am looking forward to reading more! Ps. I'm always impressed by good fiction, it is not an easy thing to do.