Food: The Enemy

 

Food.

Food is not my friend. It hasn’t been my friend for a very long time, but not for the reasons you may think. I don’t have a love/hate relationship with food, it is just hate.

Most people find joy in food, or as a source of comfort. Not me. Food is not my friend.

I’m tired of eating. I’m tired of having to schedule my day around eating. I’m tired of watching the clock or setting my phone to buzz me when it’s time to eat.

I’m tired of counting. I’m tired of keeping track of how much sugar something has in it, and by that, I mean how many carbs. Some might say I made a mistake and meant to say calories, but they would be incorrect.

I have hypoglycemia, the direct and polar opposite of diabetes; however, the symptoms and results are the same. It is about sugar.

The medical solution for hypoglycemia is nutrition balance. The “can’ts” are so long, I don’t even want to list them. Mostly I need to be careful of my carbohydrate intake and output. This includes alcohol, level of exercise and stress. The constant battle between sugar and insulin.

Ironically, the more weight I carry, the easier it is to control my blood sugar. I say ironically because, I love to exercise, the kind of exercise that leaves you drenched in sweat. The kind that leaves you in high state because your endorphins are all hyped up. The kind that burns off the sugar.  My choices are limited. Either refrain from any strenuous workout or eat more.  I choose the later.

I have to eat before a workout and eat after a workout. I have to eat right before I go to bed, or I’ll have night terrors or worst yet night sweats. I have to eat first thing when I wake up. I have to eat every four hours. Sometimes I can push it six, but it is not pretty. I appear to be manic and then I am usually apologizing to someone.

My fear is that I can flip into a person with hyperglycemia or a full fledge diabetic. I have that fear, because my grandmother was a diabetic.

When people ask me what I’d like to eat, I mostly tell them I don’t care, because I don't. Food really holds no appeal to me. I eat, not because I want to, but because I have to.

Reviews

[Kevin Vorshak]

Wow, JC, to say that sucks feels like an understatement. To have to be careful of exercising, of all things! I've heard the term 'hypoglycemia' but never really understood it. I'm not so sure that I do now, but your portrayal of the results, of the need to eat as opposed to the want is vividly done. I can see how that would take the luster from food. Still though, chained or not to the need to eat, I can't imagine not looking forward to or enjoying at least some foods. This is good writing. I enjoyed it.

[An owl on the moon]

Thank you for this insightful, honest write that conveys for me a very different experience. You've opened my eyes to what I know so many face in our world; more than I realize. And something I do find pleasure in, I now realize can become such a burden. So well written...

[Mark Pearce]

I've never seen food from that perspective. Thank you for the journal piece. I've learned through reading it.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

My sister is diabetic so i have seen all the troubles of watching everything you eat so i do feel for you. How can you enjoy the pleasures of the taste when you are worried of how it will effect your health.

Not just with you and your health issue but these days food seems to be everyones enemy cause of all the additives and by products... I tend to wonder if that has much to do with increased health issues in this world. Plus pesticides they use on veggies... sure they wash the food but are we to think the constant spraying doesn't cause some of the poison to sink in.

Sorry I am a bit off track... I do feel for you cause I don't know how I would handle that situation without going crazy.

[Tina Kline]

Reading this it sounds like you have to suffer through a sort of nightmare. I'm not a
diabetic but someone I am very close to is, so I witness this sort of struggle
even though I can't know what it is like. You wrote about it very well,
what your struggle is like and your feelings about it and what your fears are of becoming
a diabetic.

I am curious as to how all those diabetic website adds by Google appeared beside and below your story.

Tina

[deeps]

I am diabetic, So I can relate to this.
I have to check my sugar twice a day.
I get so sick of eating, but it's healthy to eat on a schedule.
It's hard to do. I take care of my sugar though.
I excercise every day.
I like what you put out there with this.
I can feel this so much.