Ode to The Sugarcane Fires of my Childhood

Ode to The Sugarcane Fires of my Childhood

 

I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know

Where the sugarcane burns

And children wait

To see black soot rain like snow

 

I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas

Where every sunset is orange and bright

May snakes and bandicoots run with fright

And to see those fields alight

 

I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas

Just like the ones I used to know up North

Where the smoke smells sweet

And children sit

On verandas to see the ash come forth

 

I’m dreaming of a Black Christmas

With every wet hessian bag held tight

May we all be safe and right

And Good bye to the sugarcane fires so bright

Reviews

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You took a familiar theme with the repeating line...and bring back memories --- within this verse...it's those times in life --- when we are young --- that have a reflective impact in our lives...and this puts and sets that into the over-all aspect of the work...I have to agree with the lines quoted below...but if you were going for a rhyme scheme --- I see your point...

[JCWilliams]

Thanks heaps Glen for the review i really appreciate it! I will have to see if i can find some synonyms to those words that rhyme better!

[Glen Yumang Manese]

You're welcome...at times its better just to go prose and let your expression do the work for you...but if you're willing to go the extra mile and make it work...so be...

[Fire Mage Andrea]

Hot stuff - do you live near where wildfires burn?
It's funny how you mention "up north" - you're meaning in America, whereas over here, i'm in the English equivalent of up north :-)

[JCWilliams]

I'm in Australia actually, we grow a lot of sugar cane her particularly the east of Australia, along the coast line. I was born in the north of Queensland but are now living in the south of Queensland. We don't burn sugar cane as much as we use to in Australia because if you cut it green it has a higher sugar content - more bang for your buck! You're north is on the boarder to Scotland then!

[Fire Mage Andrea]

Yes - in the North West of England - near Liverpool which is where I was born and bred :-)

[JCWilliams]

so I've taken glen's advice and changed 'seat' to 'sit' and 'yearns' to 'wait'. Let me now if that's better!

[lee_jang]

You are able to convey the picture clearly to me so that's good because i can imagine what it was like during your childhood. I like the lines that you consider the soot as the snow and the smoke as sweet-smelling. We miss things that we used to see, do or experience in our childhood so i guess you kind of successfully conveyed that one too. Just a few things, probably you can change "Children seat" into "Children sit" since sit is the verb and seat is a noun, as far as i know, :-), and "Children yearns" into "Children yearn" since children is plural. But otherwise it's cool.

[JCWilliams]

Thanks they are really fond memories from my childhood. I must admit i was using a bit of poetic license with seat & yearns trying to rhyme them with the last word of the sentence above them. Lol! Thanks again for taking the time to read it!