Doctor Who: The White Lady of the Lake

Doctor Who: The White Lady of the Lake

A Screenplay by JordanIsaacSmith

A screenplay that may be made in the near future. Based on the tv series Doctor Who.





















Doctor Who

The White Lady of the Lake


Written by Jordan Goodier, Samuel Rahaman

and Tayla Fonseca


Story by Samuel Rahaman



















1.  INT, Living Room " Night


A close up shot of a fire. The shot pans around to show Damien sitting down on a sofa, looking tired. Children are sitting on the floor, waiting for Damien to speak.



Are you all sure you want to

know the story?


The children cry “yes” in unison.



It was a dark night, not unlike

this one, where the wind howled

through the trees and the

shadows in every corner appeared

to be hiding a secret.





There was once a rich governor,

who owned a large mansion.

His mansion was hidden away

from the world in a large

forest, with a lake nearby.





He had a daughter, the most

beautiful woman. There were

many balls held in that mansion,

her father attempting to

marry her off to another

wealthy family, but she

was stubborn and protested

against every suitor her

father invited to the ball.


Child #1:

But she did get fall in love!



Yes, she did.


A shot of the children, excitedly waiting for the story to continue.



A man came to the house one

night and the woman instantly

fell in love with him. They

danced the night away and

became engaged to be married.


Child #2:

What happened then?




I’m getting to it now.


Child #2:





One night, however, when the

woman was walking down by the

nearby lake, late one summer’s

evening, she saw the man. And

he was with another woman.

The governor’s daughter

confronted them both and,

worried that people would

find out, the man took

his wife to be and drowned

her in the lake.





And every Halloween night,

it is said the white lady

haunts the lake. Seeking

vengeance for her death.


The children are all silent, their attention completely focused.


This story is by far the most

important one to me. Because

it is also a lie.





I am going to tell you how

a friend and I met her, a long

time ago; the White Lady of

Willow Lake.


2.  EXT, Forest " Night


A shot of a dark forest, the moon can be seen through the trees. A few more atmospheric shots of the forest as two figures are seen walking through the forest with torches.


Damien is carrying an electronic lantern. Sophia is carrying a normal torch.



You’re sure it’s this way




Of course! I’m not going to

get us lost in a forest!



Your sense of direction isn’t

exactly the best.



No, but, I’m an excellent map




You don’t have a map…







So you’re getting us lost?



Soph, I’m joking. I don’t need

a map, I remember the route from

when I used to come here as a




Stop trying to worry me.



Hey, you were the one who

suggested coming here anyway.



Because you mentioned it!



I only mentioned it because you

couldn’t come up with any other

places you wanted to go to get

an original story for Halloween.

You’re probably the fussiest

journalist in the business at

the moment.



I think it helps my reporting.

No one else reports on what I




Well, what do I know? I just take

the photos.


More shots of the forest as the characters walk through. A shot is then shown of Sophia walking alone through the forest. She realizes Damien is no longer with her.





A first person perspective shot from behind a tree is shown as Sophia becomes more panicked.



Damien! Where are you!?


A shot from the first person perspective as the camera gets closer to Sophia.



Fine Damien, but if you dare

jump out and scare me I will

hit you so hard-


This line of dialogue is intercut with a first person perspective shot from behind Sophia as the camera charges toward her and Damien shouts his next line.



Is that a threat or a promise!?


Sophia jumps as Damien begins laughing.



You are so predictable!



(Still laughing)

There’s predictability and then

there’s consistency.


Sophia storms off ahead, annoyed.



Sophia! C’mon, the opportunity

was too good to miss!



I will make you regret that later.


Damien stands behind Sophia and hugs her.






I’m sorry, I promise I’ll remain

serious throughout the rest

of the evening.



You’d better. Or you’re sleeping

on the sofa.



Oh wow, this is serious.


Damien smiles as they both continue walking through the forest. More atmospheric shots as the couple walk through the forest and a lake can be seen through the trees.


3.  EXT/INT, Old Mansion " Night


A shot of the old, abandoned mansion. Sophia and Damien enter. Some atmospheric shots of the interior.



(keeping her voice low)

So what’s the story behind

this place? Who owned this







The Legend says that

 a wealthy Governor owned it.

And it’s in here he

used to host these lavish

balls in the hopes of marrying

 The White Lady off to another

rich family.


Shot of Sophia and Damien making their way further into the room.



And it was there she

met him? Her husband to be?



Yep. This very room

 in fact.


Sophia stops suddenly as she hears a noise, like a whisper calling to her. She puts her hand out to stop Damien and turns to face him.



(Low voice)

Did you hear that?


Damien glances around the room listening out for the noise for a second, and then looks at Sophia with a puzzled expression.



(low voice)

Hear what?



(Low voice)

That noise. A whisper.






Damien looks at Sophia and grins mischievously sensing an opportunity.



Ohhh. That’s probably her. The

White Lady! She’s after us!


Sophia hits him on the arm.



Oh Stop it.


Damien grabs her arm, still smiling.



But don’t you see? This is it.

The house is where it happened.

And this is the night. The night

of the ball.  The night she died.


Sophia pulls herself from his grasp.




I said stop. It’s not funny.


Damien continues, enjoying the moment too much.



She’s angry Soph. Her husband cheated

on her; drowned her in the lake.

She’s been here all this time,

waiting for her revenge.

And now you’ve found her.

You’re next on her list.


Sophia glares at Damien before grabbing the camera off him, and makes her way back to the entrance. Damien, knowing he’s over stepped the mark, chases after her.




Oh c’mon Soph!

Don’t be like that.


Sophia deliberately ignores him and continues walking at a fast pace. He catches up to her and steps in her way.



Move. Now.





She tries to move past him but he grabs her by the hand and pulls her to him. Sophia looks away from him.



Soph. Please. I’m sorry ok?

I was just joking.


He strokes the side of her face tenderly. She’s still refusing to look at him.




I love you.


Sophia glances at Damien. He smiles at her, eyebrows raised in anticipation of her reply.



You’re so sleeping on the

sofa tonight.


Damien laughs and kisses Sophia lightly on the forehead.



If you say so.


He winks at her to which she responds with a small smile.



So. We carry on looking then?



Yeah. I want some more shots

of the house first. I’m thinking

it’s the right angle to use. Every ghost

story needs a creepy, abandoned




Whatever you say, boss.


Damien takes his camera back off Sophia and walks in the direction of the next room. Sophia goes to follow but notices a table to her side.


Shot of a table with a small envelope addressed lay on it. She makes her way over and picks it up. A close up shot of the envelope with Sophia’s and Damien’s names written in distinguishably male hand writing.


Intrigued, she opens it up and reads the letter slowly.



(Raising her voice)



His voice comes from the other room.










Come here for a sec.

 I’ve found something.


Damien makes his way over to Sophia from the other room stopping in front Sophia a question already forming on his lips. Sophia shows him the envelope with their names on, then hands him the letter.



Read it.


Damien reads the contents of the letter aloud.



Your lives will change forever.

You’re in danger here, it isn’t safe.

I’m sorry. But I’m going to try to

help you. I’ve left you clues; letters.

I can’t interfere too much, it’s too

dangerous. Time lines will cross, etc,

it’s complicated. What matters is

that you do not leave each other and

you follow everything I say to the letter,

 I may be able to save your lives.

Good luck, Damien and Sophia.

John Smith


Damien looks up at Sophia laughing.



Yeah. Nice try Soph.

I ain’t falling for that.



This wasn’t me!

I found it here,

on that table


She points at the table in front of her.




Mhm, sure. You just happened to

Find a letter. Addressed to

both of us. Where you would

just happen to find it.

 How convenient.


Sophia snatches the letter back off Damien.



This wasn’t me alright!

I swear to you.

I found it here.



Fine whatever. If you say so.


Damien winks at Sophia, still not believing a word.



Fine. Be like that.

You obviously know best.


She stuffs the letter into her pocket and glares at Damien. Damien looks back in amusement and turns in the direction of the stairs



Come on. Let’s go look upstairs.


4.  EXT/INT, Mansion " Night


Various creepy shots of the mansion again, the creak of the floorboards are heard.


Damien and Sophia walk into an empty room. We see them looking around in awe. There's an air of mystery about the room. As the camera zooms in towards the table, we see a Journal lying there covered in dust.


The characters look around the room. Sophia is the first to see the journal.



Damien, come look at this!


She picks the journal up. It looks really old and tattered.



What did you find, Soph?


He walks over to her and looks over her shoulder.



I don't know, it's a journal

of some kind. Hang on, it

has a name on the cover.


She wipes away more dust.



It just says Elinor.



You’re joking!


Damien grabs the book and he and Sophia look at it.



There may be something to

the legend after all!



Isn’t there always? Where

would the stories come from




This’ll be great for your




You’ll have to get a picture of






Damien takes a photo of Sophia posing with the journal and another of the journal in her hands.



We have to be careful with

this. It looks to be in

impossibly good condition

considering it’s age!



I’m going to read it.



Careful with it! It’s over two

hundred years old!




You just said it was in

good condition.



Yeah but-




Well then.


Sophia opens the journal and an envelope falls out. Puzzled, she picks it up and hands it to Damien. Sophia begins to read from the journal before Damien can voice his confusion at the letter.



(Voice over)

My father has told me that

he is holding a ball for me

this evening, in honor of

my birthday. According to my

maid, he has arranged for

suitors to be at this ball.

I daresay I’m looking forward

to meeting them. I’ve become

so used to this life that I

am living, anything that will

cause sudden changes, I am-


(Voice over, continued)

afraid of.



Come on, skip to the end!

Let’s see if she really did

kill her fiancé.



We can continue reading it

later! You should get a few

more photos, so we can wrap

this up and go home.



Yes mam, I’ll get right on




I’ll hold the letter.


Sophia takes the letter from Damien as he walks around the room, taking photos.


Sophia opens up the letter. It has that exact same writing as before. Sophia takes out the other letter and compares it to the new one. It's the same handwriting. Sophia frowns in thought.


Various creepy shots of the mansion are shown as Sophia begins to read the letter.



You should get out of the

house now. It's good you’ve

found her journal, it'll help

 you in escaping and solving

this. You've probably started

 reading the journal, but you may

want to stop now. She is coming.

She knows you're inside the

house. All she wants is to

feel the love she once had, but





she's going to kill you to

get it. She's not evil, she's

just lonely and you need to

help her. You may want to

turn around now. John Smith.


Sophia and Damien give each other worried looks as loud creaks are heard. In the background, behind Sophia and Damien, the white lady slowly walks into the room. Both Sophia and Damien turn to see her. She stands still for a moment and her head begins to slowly turn towards the couple. She raises her arm at Sophia and begins to walk towards the couple.


The couple slowly back away, but then Damien grabs Sophia’s arm and they run out of the mansion. Creepy shots are shown of the mansion as they run.


Sophia and Damien, outside the mansion, stop to catch their breath.


5.  EXT, Mansion " Night



I didn’t… I couldn’t.



I don’t believe in the




You can’t deny what we both

just saw!



I don’t know what I just saw!



And who wrote those damn




I don’t know Damien!




(Relaxes a little)

We should leave. We should

just go. We have good usable

pictures and a great story.









If what we just saw was really

a ghost… a ghost that needs help,

according to the letters… then

shouldn’t we try to help?







You’d help someone if they

weren’t… you know; dead.



Soph… I understand what you’re

trying to say, but this is

insanity! You want to help out

a ghost, something we’ve always

dismissed as an interesting

concept or idea, based on the

suggestions of letters that

have been left in an abandoned

mansion, by a person we don’t

even know?!



It does sound… odd, when you

put it like that. Look, we got

spooked by whatever we saw in

there. But that’s no reason to

freak out. We continue with

this. We try to learn more.



Just think how incredible

this story will be when it’s




Sophia, do we really need to

do this?



Well, you can go home if you




Then how would you get back if

I took the car? I’m hardly

going to leave you alone out

in the middle of a dark

forest. Come on.


The couple begin walking towards the forest as Sophia looks into the journal again.



Is there anything else

interesting in there? Maybe

about the night she died? Or

the day she met her fiancé?



I’m looking now.


The couple continues to walk through the forest. Creepy shots of the forest as the couple look through the journal.



Wait! Here’s something!

(Sophia begins reading some

of Elinor’s lines as the

voice turns to Elinor’s






(Voice over)

My heart is heavy with sorrow.

I am too late. There was nothing

I could do and now the love of my

life… but I cannot bring myself

to write the words. I do not know

what to do. I’m losing everything

all over again.


The shot transitions to a hand writing in a journal, the shot is lit by candlelight.



When I first came to this world

many years ago, I didn’t know

where I was or what to do now

my own planet was gone. I’d

managed to take over the body

of a young daughter to a wealthy

lord and he’s become a father to

me. But now I’ve lost the man

I love and my father’s health

is failing too.


A shot of Damien and Sophia, looking shocked.



I am not from this world. I had

nothing when I arrived and it

seems I shall have nothing again.

my people are all gone. I am

one of the Gelth. I didn’t

mean to end up here. I was

running from a war; a great war.

My people are dead and so is

my greatest love, Nathaniel.


A shot of the couple in silence.



I don’t believe this… everything

about this journal seems genuine.

But this?



This is a lot of information

that’s kinda flying in the face of

everything I thought I knew.


Elinor is shown suddenly appearing behind the couple.



Everything in my journal is the




What do you want?



I do not wish to harm anyone.

I just want to feel. So very much.



Feel what?



What is your name sir?



I don’t see how that’s important.



Do you love her?

(She points at Sophia)






And you? Do you love him?



I do.



I know you do. I can see it.

I want to feel, to feel the love

You both share. I want to feel…


Elinor begins slowly walking towards Sophia as she points at her again.



Please… I need this.



What do you want?






I don’t…



You can’t take ours!



We’re trying to help you! What

can we do?



Just let me be you… let me be his




Soph, let’s go.



Elinor, what do you want!?


Elinor lets out a high pitched scream and Damien and Sophia run deep into the forest.


6.  Ext, Forest " Night


Shots of Damien and Sophia rushing through the forest. Action shots and atmospheric, scary shots are shown. Damien and Sophia hide behind a tree and calm themselves.



Are you okay?




I’m alright.



You sure?



She lost Nathaniel. He didn’t

kill her, like the legend says.



Legends are never accurate.



She really doesn’t seem to

want to talk.



You might be right about-



Wait, shh!


They both duck further down and Sophia looks around from their hiding place, seeing if anything has found them. Whilst she does this, Damien sees another letter, close to him. He looks back at Sophia and quickly grabs the letter and reads it.



(Voice over)

Damien, I’m sorry. I wish

there was another way, but

there isn’t. You’re involved now.

She will never stop chasing

the both of you and too many

lives have been taken by her

already. There’s going to be

a choice and you’re going to

have to live with that choice

for the rest of your life.

Time is no longer in flux.

She’s looking for you both.

Find the lake. I’m sorry.

John Smith.


Damien looks up from the letter, looking upset. He quickly hides the letter in his pocket.



We’re leaving, now.






Come on!


Damien grabs Sophia’s hand and they begin running.



Damien! We should try and help!



It’s not worth risking our lives









The couple run through the forest and end up by the side of a lake.


7.  Ext, Lake " Night


They both take a moment to breathe.



Damien, what was that?



We have to leave. This is

getting too dangerous!



If we can help her, she can

leave us alone-




How are we supposed to help

her Sophia, how!?






Her planet is gone, her people

are gone, the love of her life

is dead! There is nothing we

can do for her!



So, we’re just supposed to

leave her here so she can

kill others?!



We could warn people to

never come here.



You really think that’ll




It’s better than you ending

up dead!





I can’t lose you Sophia.



We can’t leave. She may kill

others Damien.


Sophia walks over to Damien and kisses him passionately.



We have to do something.




Soph, please…


The couple turn around to see Elinor emerge from the forest. The couple keep their distance as Elinor circles about them and stands by the lakeside.


Damien keeps Sophia behind him and confronts Elinor, who now has her back turned to them, looking out over the lake.



All you want is to be loved,

right? The way you were loved

by your family on your own

planet. The way your adopted

father loved you.





The way Nathaniel loved you.


Elinor immediately turns her head to look at Damien.



I beg of you, do not say his

name. My heart cannot bare

the sorrow.



You possessed the body of

The daughter of a powerful

and rich man. Why? Is that

what you’re going to do to

us? Possess us?



Not you, my love. Just her.



I won’t let you take her.


Sophia sees a bottle, as Damien and Elinor are talking, sticking out of the sand. She reaches down and picks it up, slowly.



(Turning to face the lake again)

In extreme cases, the strongest

of my people, can possess a living

host body at the cost of said

 host's personality. I needed to

do this or I would have been

hunted by the people of

this planet. When possessing a

body, a Gelth undergoes a

process of bonding that

binds them to their new

body until such a time as

it burns out and we are



Pause. Damien notices the bottle in Sophia’s hand. It has a letter in it.



Gelth killed during the

process of bonding are

susceptible to a permanent

death. As such, we only go

through the process in extreme




Why are you telling us all




When I possess her body, I

Don’t want there to be any

Secrets between us.


Elinor turns around to face the couple.



I want us to love

unconditionally. And how

could you love me unless

you know everything about




I will never love you!



Please… all I need is your




You will never have it.


Elinor falls silent.



Your body, the body of the

real Elinor. It burned out,

didn’t it?





The scene switches to every montages of what Elinor is explaining.



(Voice over)

When Nathaniel and my father

found me by the lakeside,

on the eve of my wedding,

they believed I was dead.


A shot of Nathaniel crying out in agony.



(Voice over)

He was distraught. In the



A shot of both Sophia and Damien.



He killed himself. By the

time I’d possessed a new

body, it was too late.


Elinor turns back to face the couple.



I have lost everything I

have ever cared about.


Sophia has taken out the letter from the bottle and is about to read it when Elinor directly addresses her.



You love this man dearly,

and he loves you. Can I

not have the opportunity

to feel that way, and have

someone feel that way about



Sophia hands the letter to Damien (who proceeds to read it) and she steps forward, bottle still in hand.



I can’t let you have my

body. Love doesn’t work that

way. Damien loves me for who

I am. If you take over my body,

all that will be left of me

is my body. The woman that

Damien loves will be gone

and he will never love you.


Damien looks up from the letter, tears in his eyes.



I can access your memories!

I can become like you! I

will mimic every thought

and desire and feeling

you have ever had and he

will love me! I will have

what I desire!





Do you know what it is like,

to lose the person you love?



(Tears in her eyes)

Very well. You can have my




Sophia no!


Damien, holding Sophia, faces Elinor.



Please, there must be another

way. You can possess me instead!



I would not be compatible

with a male of your species.



Damien, there is no other way.


The couple look at each other. Sophia begins stroking Damien’s cheek.



It’ll be okay. I promise.



No, it won’t. You won’t be here.



I’m so sorry. We should have




We can still run.



She’ll catch us, we can’t out

run her now.



Soph, I love you. Please…


Sophia begins to cry as she backs away from Damien, towards Elinor. She drops the bottle on the ground.


No! Please! Elinor, wait!


Elinor puts her arms around Sophia and a bright light shines. Damien screams and drops to the floor, the letter in his hand and the bottle in front of him.





Damien looks towards the blinding light.



I will always love you.


Sophia then quickly reaches down for the bottle, smashes it and as the shot cuts to Damien looking terrified, Sophia stabs herself.


The light brightens even more and we hear Elinor let out a scream. The light suddenly cuts out and Damien sees Sophia’s body on the floor.


Damien crawls towards her body and holds Sophia in his arms whilst he weeps.


Fade to black.


8.  Ext " Lakeside/Forest, Night


Fade up from black; a shot of the lake. Various shots are shown of the lake and the mansion and forest. A shot is then shown of Damien, kneeling by Sophia’s body, the journal next to her.


Damien picks the journal up and turns to the last page. A letter is there and he begins to read.


The Doctor:

(Voice Over)

She was so brave; braver than

she will ever know; braver

than anyone will ever know.


The shot cuts to Damien picking up Sophia’s body and walking away.




The Doctor:

(Voice Over)

She saved so many, but at a

cost. That cost was her life.


A shot is shown of Damien walking through the forest, carrying Sophia.


The Doctor:

(Voice Over)

I know there are no words or

deeds that will give you

comfort. If there was anything

else I could have done, I

would have.


Shots of Damien and Sophia before they came to the forest are shown.


The Doctor:

(Voice Over)

 I will never forgive myself

for what I’ve done. I misled

you. To you, one life to

save countless others,

especially if that life is

Sophia’s, is not worth it.

I'm sorry Damien.


Shots are shown as if a person is filming Sophia and Damien on their holiday, etc. They’re smiling, happy.


The Doctor:

(Voice Over)

There’s nothing else I can say,

other than she loved you,

and you her. Elinor took

Sophia’s body, her life;

everything… but her heart.

That is something she gave

to you. And that is something

no one can take away from

you both.


A final shot of Sophia and Damien in an embrace before the shot cuts to an older Damien.


9.  Int " Living Room, Night


An extreme close-up shot of Damien’s eyes is shown. The shot slowly zooms away as he speaks.



So, you see, Elinor was

killed by her lover.

Her own desire for love

is what killed her in the

end. And Sophia saved

perhaps countless others

from suffering.


Child #1:

But who was it that wrote

the letters?



I don’t know. I suppose I’ll

never really know.


A woman appears and smiles at everyone.



Alright, I think it’s time

you all went to bed now.

No more stories for tonight.


The children are reluctant, but go off to bed. Damien pulls out the letter from his pocket and smiles at it.



Damien, what’re you reading?


Damien stands up and hands her the letter.



Ahh. How we first met.


The woman kisses Damien on the forehead, they both smile, the woman puts the letter down and the couple leave the room. The camera then slowly zooms in on the letter. Fade to black.



© 2013 JordanIsaacSmith

Author's Note

Probably best not to judge it as you would judge a novel. It is a screenplay, after all.

My Review

Would you like to review this Screenplay?
Login | Register

Featured Review

Few things; What's a Gelth and what's this planet of theirs? Also, the ending was a little confusing to me because you established that Sophia was dead but at the end it's implied that she was alive and that Damien might have been possessed?

The characters also seem remarkably stupid to me. The writing is great but the characters just appear like the typical Hollywood trope that would run headlong into danger and then out of it and back in it again for the most fragile of reasons.

However, despite the nagging issues I felt, I could not stop reading the story once I started. A typical ghost story turned into a sci-fi/horror hybrid was amazing and the simplicity of the tale combined with the effortless way of you telling it was so conducive to my enjoying of it. At some points I really felt for the two dimwits but John Smith and Elinor intrigued me so much. I wanted to know more about them.

It was a good script, I'd love to read more!

Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


6 Years Ago

Sorry! This was originally written for a few people that were familiar with the Doctor Who mythos, b.. read more
Christopher Angel

6 Years Ago

Oh. Well if anything, you've made me interested in Doctor Who so that's a good thing!


You've written more than one kind of this script. It's interesting that both of your Doctor Who screenplays are love stories. One ends bittersweet and the other rather happily. This is another great screenplay!

Posted 6 Years Ago

Great script! I understood a bit more of this than your other script because I've read up on Doctor Who now :) Really, really good story!

Posted 6 Years Ago

Nice length I thought a lot effort went into this. I'm not overly familiar with Doctor Who so that's why I miss some of the elements this script has. There parts at the beginning where I felt a little lost and confused but overall good luck in the contest guys and girl.

Posted 6 Years Ago

I loved the story:) Your really talented at this:)

Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

I have never read a screenplay before, so i can't really comment. But i found the storytelling very interesting.

Posted 6 Years Ago

Few things; What's a Gelth and what's this planet of theirs? Also, the ending was a little confusing to me because you established that Sophia was dead but at the end it's implied that she was alive and that Damien might have been possessed?

The characters also seem remarkably stupid to me. The writing is great but the characters just appear like the typical Hollywood trope that would run headlong into danger and then out of it and back in it again for the most fragile of reasons.

However, despite the nagging issues I felt, I could not stop reading the story once I started. A typical ghost story turned into a sci-fi/horror hybrid was amazing and the simplicity of the tale combined with the effortless way of you telling it was so conducive to my enjoying of it. At some points I really felt for the two dimwits but John Smith and Elinor intrigued me so much. I wanted to know more about them.

It was a good script, I'd love to read more!

Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


6 Years Ago

Sorry! This was originally written for a few people that were familiar with the Doctor Who mythos, b.. read more
Christopher Angel

6 Years Ago

Oh. Well if anything, you've made me interested in Doctor Who so that's a good thing!
From one whovian to another i absolutely loved it:)

Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Hi JlGoodier,

I don't generally read or review screenplays (or poems, for that matter) so I am not going to launch into a lengthy tirade especially since the screenplay is mainly dialogue anyway. There were a few grammatical errors, missing commas, missing words etc., but nothing major so never mind. I am sure you will clean it up when you edit it.

That being said, I found this very captivating. I could almost envision it as I would on television which is something that I assume any screenplay writer wants to achieve anyway, so kudos to you in that regard.

Also, I enjoyed the story as a whole. You built up the tension really nicely, you created an eerie atmosphere commendably well and you brought your characters to life. What I did find a little bit disconcerting, however, is that there were a number of times (especially when Soph was reading the journal) that I found things too co-incidental. Also, the journal itself didn't sound authentic especially when Elinor (I think her name was) was writing about her not being from Earth. Thing is, she already knows she is not from this world so why would she write it as such in her journal? I would have found it much more believable if she were reminiscing about her world or remembering the love she shared with Nathaniel in her journal because that is generally how people write for themselves. To me, it seemed as if it was just easier to create Elinor's back-story using her journal but it didn't really ring true.

Apart from that however, it was very entertaining and there were times when found myself wishing that I was watching the story unfold rather than reading about it. Very well done! I enjoyed myself :)


Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Great! Amazing you must keep sending me more invites so that I could read sucha better Screenplay,
Mate this one was really better. Adding line to my statement - This was my 1st ever screenplay which I read on WC :)
I'm Surprised and will add this to my favorites :)
- Singh :)

Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

Did you write this? If yes, I am not surprised. I can't even begin to fathom how amazing your screenplays are. I can only HOPE to become as good a writer as you are. Job well done,once again.


Posted 6 Years Ago

1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

First Page first
Previous Page prev
Request Read Request
Add to Library My Library
Subscribe Subscribe


13 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on July 17, 2013
Last Updated on July 17, 2013
Tags: Doctor, Who, Doctor Who, Screenplay, Script, Ghost, Ghost Story



Bangor, Conwy, United Kingdom

22 year old author from North Wales. Aspiring actor, screenwriter and director. Born in England. I'm studying BA Hons in Film Production at UCLan in Preston. I've currently three books published by In.. more..


Related Writing

People who liked this story also liked..