A Man Does Weep

 

A Man Does Weep

 

 

1

   I sat rustling on a forest bench,

   Staring blankly at an empty park,

   Weeping softly into my hands.

   Troubled. Waiting for them to come,

   Becoming locked inside a desolate cage,

   For a crime that I was blamed for.

 

2

   I noticed two uniformed policemen,

   Working inside this concrete pen,

   I stood up swiftly, taking flight

   I journeyed through the wilderness,

   Hunting to find my sanctuary

   Or they will take my last few breaths.

 

3

   I found peace. I had a girl,

   My arm tight around her shoulder,

   Hearts joined with unbreakable rope.

   She lay motionless in my arms,

   Sleeping naked in Rose Red Blood.

   That night I did nothing but weep.

 

4

   A sanctuary found my soul,

   A sturdy shack hidden in the country,

   I told them all what had happened,

   About the sin and my girl.

   They smiled. Gave me a blanket.

   Safe from this deceit ridden world.

 

5

   The next day, I heard the door knock.

   Two police entered carrying guns.

   A snitch pointed them towards me.

   They raised their weapons; I was their scapegoat,

   Trodden on when necessary,  

    In cuff I said my last goodbye.

 

6

   The cell stood desolate and cold.

   Nothing green was within my sight.

   I stared endlessly at the dead metal bars.

   Weeping my eyes to sleep each night.

   It was not long before I began to think;

   Why did I kill my girl that night?

 

 

Reviews

[Andrew (not Andy, A.J. ..]

Whoa...I had to double take a few times on that last line...And what's up with pigs holding guns? And the rat thingy? I don't get it...Is this the type of pig that says oink and rolls in the mud and eats gross things? If so, why are they holding guns and sending people to jail?
I DON'T GET IT!!! Could you perhaps explain in the author's notes?
"I found peace. I had a girlfriend,
My arm tight around her shoulder,
Hearts joined with unbreakable string.
She lay motionless in my arms,
Sleeping naked in Rose Red Blood.
That night I did nothing but weep."
Fav stanza. No mention of barnyard animals holding guns...

[Alex Caine]

I think it's pretty good, though not one of my favorites of yours. It has promise, that's for sure. It also had a lot of imagery in it.
I did completely understand the barnyard animal illustrations. i thought they were genius, but not exactly for this poem.

[Scott Free]

Wow, this is a really powerful poem. Amazing.
I love the composition of it--it flowed really well. I really liked that you didn't tell us what happened until the end.
One thing--I would refrain from calling her a girlfriend. That makes it seem trivial, that's how I read it. Then when I realize it has more promise when I read on, and that's a bit jarring. You know, being the amazing poet that you are, that one word can decide something.
Great job. Amazing. I loved it soooo much.
Write on!

[Chelsea (Jade)]

Wow a very powerful write.

[deeps]

I can realy feel the powerful emotion you have put into this.
Well written and the feelings are expressed well.

[Jwana Creer Yeshua]

Everyone one weeps over things that are happening or thning that are not yet happened. Somethings we do we do without thinking. The man loved his girlfriend yet his girlfriend is dead. The man was blamed for the death of his girlfriend. He wonders what, what did I do to get this. Why me? That is always the question why me? If we only new all the anwser life would be easier but we don't have the answer. So we go through our life trying to find our selfs as human beings in this rat race. Which we call the world. Great Write!

Humbly,
Jwana Creer Yeshua

[Suicidal Teddybear]

briliant i like how it switches at the end i thought he was framed butt thats just me i might have got it wrong

x

[Ralphy]

John, what are you trying to do to me emotionally? This poem borders on criminally injustice and insanity. It's well written, powerful and shamefully all tied up in a neat package, that rivals the very cage he is was in. To respond to such a wicked endeavor grapples the heart and brings tears to this man�meaning me... eyes. I feel for him but out of the confusion I could not but wonder why he did such a heinous act to someone he loved.

Ok, John, you need a part two or three�so we the reader can see deep into this mans mine.

Great write

[Ameerah]

omg! this is another sad poem that touched me..was it meant for sadness? because that's the feeling i got..i loved it a lot..

[Marlena Salvant]

I enjoyed this poem.