Snippet *6

Snippet *6

A Poem by John Morris
"

Can you hear the silence?

"
Snippet *6

Crawling, deep beneath your skin, digging down deep.
Arteries snap, breaths clasp for air, silence.
Cold tiles touch, you don't feel, it's here
Silence approaches, its hell-talons firm
Your hollow scream ends, you drift meaningless 
Towards the ever encroaching silence.

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Can you hear the Silence?
22ND June 2010

© 2010 John Morris


Author's Note

John Morris
I'm back and have been working on something for quite a while now. Can you hear the Silence?

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Reviews

I completely agree with Yann Bellemare! But without the critique part. You did wonderful.

Posted 9 Years Ago


I like !
The way the paragraph is clogged with broken sentences really gives it a feel. The imagery is visionary "Cold tiles touch, Arteries snap, breaths clasp" and my favorite "its hell-talons firm"

haha that was sweet !

On the critique side, I thought the 4th line could possibly avoid using Silence again, maybe "It approaches, hell-talons firm" , you know better than I do. I just didn't feel like hearing silence again after that second line.

Sick sick work !

Posted 9 Years Ago


Wow, this is such a well written poem. Very powerful. I love it ^__^

Posted 9 Years Ago


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Purely cliche, yet attractive, although you should pay attention, i think, to less overwhelming the dull motion of one image; and that is what has happened here - the potential idea is overused.

Your language is rich, but you could expend the range of imagery, to give it more motion and influential power, make a contrast, that pulls the silent, dark scream out of the sack.

Thank you!

P.S. Spotted some typos, e.g., 'beneath you skin'

Posted 9 Years Ago


a very power full poem, but sorry I couldn't hear silence, maybe thats why it is called SILENCE...
Very good poem.

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

There is a depth and darkness that flows so powerfully through your imagery here. A feeling of destruction and lostness... Good to have you back and writing again!

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.

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...
... very powerful ... bites ... cuts ... slices ... shreds ... it's a deafening silence ... brilliant work ...

Posted 9 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.


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Added on May 27, 2010
Last Updated on June 1, 2010
Tags: snippet 6, john morris, can you hear the silence?

Author

John Morris
John Morris

Cambridgeshire, United Kingdom



About
Hello Everyone. I know it has been a long time since I last was online but now I am back and ready for it. I have a load of new work from the past year to put on the site once I have done final edi.. more..

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