A Life on the Shelf

Now in your life, how many times did you have to postpone something or keep something on hold? whether if its an idea or an action just because you wanted to focus on something else? that may or may not be as important.

How many things that are personal to you have been pushed aside for something else or kept on the roof until "the right time or day comes" such as the need of someones else's or your dreams? There is nothing wrong with that decision and in some cases it can be admirable. However, it's not admirable if your personal needs never come off that shelf.

Now we all know that during the safety instructions on an airplane, we are instructed to put the mask over our own mouth first, then on our child's.  Why? its quite obvious and reasonable, if you get knocked out cold there will be no one to look after the child, putting them in such danger just because you took those few seconds to put it on the child because you were scared and then you get knocked out and then they are left with no guardian. The wisdom of this is readily apparent once we think about it, and is good advice to take forward into all areas of our lives.

For as long as I can remember, I have always used top put the needs of others in front of mine, as my personality grew and evolved, I came to understand that it was ok, and its very good for the heart and mind to put my wants and needs equally to the needs and wants of others. As a matter of fact, it is how I define the word "self centered" and use the term "selfish"  for someone determined to live as though the world revolves around them.

Now even with that advanced knowledge and understanding, however, I still didn't even gave my self the attention that I needed or took care of myself as much as I needed. That included delaying doctors' appointments or working past the exhaustion point because someone else needed me. Even though I felt my needs were equal to the needs of others, the reality is that 90% of the time I still opted to take care of others before myself. This isn't bad, either, because for the most part these were conscious choices I made.  Unfortunately, there has been a physical and emotional cost that becomes harder and harder to bounce back from.

Where will this Leave me today? or tomorrow or in the next 5 years or so? With a new understanding, one that advises that, in fact I need to give myself more than 10 or 20 percents of my time.

However, 'm still basically someone who likes to give, and I like that about myself, so it's really important for me not to become that "self-centered" person I described earlier.  And that brings me to the concept of choosing to put me on the shelf, to live on the shelf.

This analogy is really appropriate for me.  I think it works because I

still am a person who cares for others.  So, while I may have neglected myself on the back burner, I find that I do not neglect others back there.  The result is that I am truly taking care of myself and caring for others at the same time, for the first time in my life. Sometimes we just need the right analogy or framing for an idea to really take hold. This 'front burner' idea is perfect for me. In fact, I now keep the tea kettle on the front burner on the stove.  This way, every time I walk into the kitchen I am reminded of this shift in my thinking and it helps me remain focused and clear about this positive new action and change in my life.

So, where in your life have you been putting yourself on the back burner and forgetting about you?  A harried parent, juggling work and family? An over-conscientious leader or manager? Oldest sibling? Youngest sibling?  Caught between aging parents and developing children? No matter how overwhelmed you might be feeling, it is possible to find some moments of time just for yourself. The key is remembering that it is not an either/or situation.  You get to take care of yourself and handle your responsibilities to others. Make a conscious decision to live YOUR life on the shelf!

Reviews

[Nankya Yudaya]

The irony is, it's actually pretty cheap to put other people's needs and onus above one's own, you hardly consider the injustice to yourself until you're frustrated and fatigued. It then downs on you, "when was the last time i had a minute all to myself?" This is a wonderful piece worth reflecting upon, thanks Joe.

[Joey Nizz]

Thanks and I agree with what you've said, people need to put their needs ahead of others sometimes.

[KT-B]

I can totally relate to this one Joey - whew I'm currently worn out after running about after everyone else this summer and making sure my kids have not had a moment of boredom, whilst keeping the work flo going and the house, washing/ironing etc on top off - its a fast paced existence and trying to find time for yourself and your needs is excrutiatingly hard at times - well written piece, that does beg the question of the importance of being a better version of yourself for others, like the analogy of the safety gear on the plane - well thought out - thank you for sharing, it's an important quest! KTB X

[Joey Nizz]

Thats great, to keep your kids with smiles in their faces instead of boredom, sometimes some people are trying to find them selves but they drift away from the idea just because of the things they need to do in life as you mentioned such as washing, ironing, work flow, house erends and etc.. but that doesnt mean that we cannot come back from the drift, no matter how long it take or when to know when is the time to do the things you need, you'll know.
Thank you very much for your thoughts regarding this.