Sleeping Peasants

The Straw

 

All day long, in the fields he had thought of the straw.

Seeing the heat in her eyes through sidelong glances,

And thinking of the straw.

He had worked his hoe towards hers -

Stabbing. Stabbing. Stabbing.

Stabbing as he saw the smoulder in her eyes

And thought of straw.

 

Homeward, she walked ahead of him –towards the straw

And he knew the way it would be, noting the swaying hips

Moving on robust limbs,

Limbs even now around his mind

Gripping. Gripping. Gripping.

Gripping now, a vice about him

In the straw.

 

His great feet thrashed for the earth as

The power of his arms held tightly

The waist that moved over rolling hips.

Shed clothing fell unheeded.

Rolling. Rolling. Rolling.

Rolling into heaven through

A seismic eruption of - straw.

 

Subsiding, earthquake’s

Shuddering tremors and moans fade

Into the heavy breaths of ecstasy.

Lovers emerge sated, to remain

Lying. Lying. Lying.

Lying dishevelled; at peace upon the straw.

The straw – the straw – the straw. 

Reviews

[Kena Dawn Augustine]

Great poem! well, we know who rolled around in the straw a couple times in the past! hee. anyway, i never knew why people find making love in straw with the whiff of cow manure romantic, but hey, that's probably where the phrase, "let's roll around in the straw" comes from. but you did it here in a very poetic way.

i always love your poems john l. just from your reviews and way you think, you have a very keen mind. good job!

kena

[Buddy]

Yes!! A HOT little effort here indeed. One can almost feel the race of the heart and the rush of adrenaline as he comtemplates the sexuality of his pent up desire for this fair maiden of the field, the sweet musky aroma of the 'bed' of hay freshly thrashed beneath their summer sweat bodies, the deep breath of lust sated..but need I go on? Nay, nay, more words would only clutter the raptured mind. ;)

[Gandré]

This was sweet and calming and I almost was able to smell the land's air with all its fields. I liked the repetition in your work. I like how you have woven the movement with the shape of her body. This was my favorite part:
Lovers emerge sated, to remainLying. Lying. Lying.Lying dishevelled; at peace upon the straw.

Enjoyable poem affording a special structure how it was written, almost sedative quality. I liked !

[Emily Rose]

I really like the movement in this piece, although I'm a little surprised by the paucity of imagery. The repetitive structure is really interesting and gives the poem a rhythmic feel, but it seems a little... dryer than your work usually is. You focus in on several key images (the straw, the woman's hips, the movement of the lovers' bodies) but the repetitiveness detracts from your usual vivid imagery. Are there any other ways that you can describe the straw? Any other movements you can use for the hips? It's a lovely piece as it is now, but it doesn't grip me the way your work usually does.

Oh! Also, I think it might be best to change the period after "swaying hips" to a comma; the fragment in the next line bothers me (that could just be me getting distracted by faulty grammar, though...)


All in all, I really like this piece, but it feels like something is missing from it, and I think that bolstering the imagery a little more would make it better. Great job, though!

[Fran Marie]

love the format and reptition of structure in each verse

very effective leaving the reader craving, craving more~

Well DonE!!~Fran Marie

[Leah Simone]

I wonder which came first - the avatar or the poem, because this poem fits the picture perfectly - simple and vivid - the repitition made it melodic and a tad funny - how the straw was far more than straw to him - it represented their love making not just chores or feed - but a bed and dreams.

[Ninelilies]

It reminds me of the recent exhibitions of Van Gogh's peasants in straw fields. What an amazing look into life that I think not many will wonder. I especially like the line "Lying disheveld; at peace upon the straw"...you've taken a common image of peasants working in fields and made them people with sexual desires. And I didn't know how to look at the last line at first until I looked at your other repetitions...because now, they're lying there satisfied for moments when all that is around them is the straw. Good work--S

[Pakino]

lol the poem took me for a surprise at the end. But throughout you where gearing towards that altitude. Interesting....