Remedy

How I wanted to feel towards my wife, but deep down I couldn't and only made my current state feel even worse. I had to learn to just move on. Still hurts, but try to keep myself distracted

I'm angry at myself. This ain't good 

for my health. I've held it in. I sit 

and pretend that it doesnt offend

I sit and descend with it all in my head

I say maybe it was all in Gods plan

But the truth is, the truth is

I hold it in

I'm convinced this guilt wouldn't

Exist if i was there to assist

If I was there may not have been 

In this mess. This pill I wouldn't  

have to digest. Wouldn't have 

all this s**t on my chest this guilt 

and shame I wouldn't have to confess

I can't help but place the blame

With all these issues pressed

Truth is... The truth is

I hold it in......

I beat myself up, it just not

Enough. This is the stuff

I wish I was free of. I take the blame

I call out your name. It's just not

The same. I feel it run inside my brain 

Your memory. It is a sad melody

Playing back to back in my mind

I think the only remedy is bound 

to be time

Sept 4th, 2018

Cj potts

Author's Note

We just got back from the my youngest 1 yr old birthday fast forward later that day pick up our oldest at respit. Fast forward again next day I went for a walk. Me n wife both agreed on it and while I was gone enjoying my exercise wife was tending to out 4 kids. Well, ambrosia had cerebral palsy and had unvolenteered movements meaning she had not control over her on movements. Any she went in to put her in her wheel chair start her feeding what not any went other room to start cooking for other kids fast forward kids are enjoying there meals. Well wife was gonna play some video games so she turned it on than she decided before she would sit down to check on our oldest, well mind you I'm gone. So she goes in to check on her and her head was caught behind headrest due to a a faulty part from company. Anyway brought her in to mayo here in ec. Bout 20 mins to an hour tops she was rushed to the cites. We waited there for her to come back for like 9 days and unfortunately for ALL OF US she only declined from her primary state. At first, we thought she was doing well but, days go by. They have her on strong meds for her brain to heal amd swelling unfortunately caused more brain damage than she already had
Anyway she did not make it. And due to that emotionally and financially we've been pretty immensely crippled

Reviews

[midniterider]

things happen beyond our control,no rhyme or reason..sorry for your loss

[boygene borice]

I'm very sorry for loss. Its greatly painful. I can feel it through every word

[wordman]

a bad feeling,guilt and loss,,but we cannot control our feelings