Dimension 22
A Book by Johnny Jack
 This is the tale of a young god that has his whole world flipped over his head when his home realm explodes.  © 2016 Johnny Jack
Author's Note
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Please enjoy my story. Also I welcome honest criticism but don't judge me(Yes the two are different) about the story. Things like story development, detail, character development, and other stuff of the same ilk. Thanks and please enjoy.
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Reviews
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Centering is usually reserved for poetry. As it is, it's hard to figure out who's saying what. Left margin adjustment makes the paragraphs clearer.
Watch out for correctly spelled words that don't mean what you want them to mean: I seethed Obsidian --seethe is a real word, but it refers to boiling fluid --the stew seethed. Sheathe is another real word, and may be what you intended.
Intrusive capitals are jarring.
The red lines don't transfer to the post.
Posted 8 Years Ago
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Overall, I like where this is going. It feels like Dragon Ball Z, which I enjoy. However, it does need some refinement. There is a lot of exposition, especially at the start, and your dialogue is a little stilted in places. But, I do like your characters and the interactions between them.
A second draft would improve this.
I can see a lot of potential in what you do.
Posted 8 Years Ago
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Author
Johnny JackHazlet, NJ
About
I love reading books and writing stories. I'm working on a potential book and a horror story that might send chills down your spine. I hope you can tell what I can do to get better and how you like my.. more..
Writing
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