Chapter One

The Perfect Date could turn out to be the perfect disater

It’s like i am stuck in a reoccurring dream that i will never wake up from, it’s a nightmare, that is real. We are stuck here in the middle of nowhere, and no one knows where we are. We are probably never going to go home. I never even got to say goodbye to my parents, i guess most people don’t get to say goodbye to their loved ones when they die, they don’t exactly know when they’re going to die, usually.

My name is Jaed Morgan and I'm on the edge, trapped in the wilderness with my best friend Ariel, her idiot boyfriend Brandy and the guy who i thought would be my next boyfriend, Dex, that's obviously not going to happen now, because a stupid mistake may of cost us our lives.

The Pearl Point Lookout is the local make out haven, the parking paradise, the dessert of the date. I still don't know why we came up here in the first place, it's not like we were engaging in an orgy or anything like that. It was meant to be a simple movie date with two couples, if i had known what was going to happen I would have told my mother where we were going.  It's a memory i will forever have in my mind especially since it's now going to be one of my last.

It was three days earlier when Ariel and her father picked me up from my place to go shopping three days since i shouted my goodbyes to my Mom and Dad, and my sister Ruby as i glided down the stairs with my duffle bag which weighed a tonne.

'See you tomorrow' i yelled up the stairs and waltzes through the front door, slamming it on my way out, 'man am i going to get a lecture when I get home' i remember thinking to myself.

Ariel's dad waited patiently as we had a quick chat and she threw my bag in the trunk.

Once we were inside and Mr Johnson started driving he looked at us through the mirror and started to make conversation, as most fathers do.

"So, the plan is, I drop you two at the mall and take your gear back to our place Jaed?" Mr Johnson asks us.

"Yeah thats the plan daddy-o" Ariel replies whilst picking a song on her ipod for us to listen to.

My phone vibrates

One New Message from; Dex Matthews.

I opened the message it read: Excited for tonight?

Was he joking? of course I was! That night was going to be amazing, I was already starting to get sick with nerves, my throat was sore, i needed to pee, i felt like vomitting out the entire contents of my body. That night was my first proper date with Dex. Sure, Ariel and Brandy were coming too but I didn't care.

'So, what are you wearing tonight?' Ariel interrupts me daydreaming about Dex

'That's what your for'

it takes us all afternoon to prepare for the big date, I was so anxious and scared I felt like puking but finally we entered the cinema doors, and we hid from them, they eventually found us and we went to watch a new release.

the last thing on my mind was getting stranded on the side of a mountain. I can't concerntrate on the film, Dex's warm hand is

 

Author's Note

any feedback?
tell me what you really think

Reviews

[Lowesy]

Ok, first, do you type this straight into the text box the site offers or type it into Word first? Only because there are a few lower case i's, I suggest copy and pasting from Word. This seems like a quick run through, there's no detail in their lives, no surroundings, no description. It's jumping from one thing to the next to the next to the next. It's like me saying, 'I went to the shop today, while there I bought a t-shirt, it was white, then I went to the cafe and ordered a coffee, while I was there I met my friend David and we talked for a bit before....', you see? You're not putting us in her mind, I don't feel like she's walking me through this story of how they ended up stranded in a car on the edge of a cliff (which is quite an original idea by the way, well done). Just please go over it, imagine standing in where this Jaed (guessing it's pronounced Jade) is standing, what she's feeling, what she's experiencing. Another thing as well is that if you're going to tell it from one point of view, keep it from one point of view, unless you have multiple MC's, one point you jump into Mr. Johnson's POV and it just got weird. The dialogue sounds to cheesy, try and give the character's more of an edge rather than bubble gum teenage girls and frat boy guy's.
Have to say, I did laugh when I read that this, 'I was already starting to get sick with nerves, my throat was sore, i needed to pee,' hahaha don't know why but I can just imagine an excited girl rambling on then saying she needs a pee....no? Just me? Ok.

[Sunflower]

i really like this, very nice work