I no longer recognise myself.

I reach toward my bedside table to reveal the knife I had hidden inside the empty tissue case.

 

I can feel the aching of my veins, they control my inner thoughts, wanting to be opened, wanting to be exposed.

 

No time for quick decisions, I can't choose to just ignore, so I bring the blade towards my pale white skin.

 

Which quickly turns to crimson, I suck in my breath to avoid my pain from escaping my lips.

 

Tears stinging my eyes, burning down my raw skin, my heart aching, I feel sick from the inners of my being.

 

What are people going to say? Attention seeker! emo! loser! the hateful words I am yet to come by.

 

I play with my blood, tracing the blade with my bloody finger, and I slowly begin to look up.

 

When I look into the mirror I see the devil, I'm no longer me, and I never will be.

Author's Note

# This is a little different to my usual style.

#I'll happily fix grammar and spelling, please point it out.

# tell me what you think honestly.

#The ending I'm not too sure about, any thoughts on that one?

Reviews

[Leah]

The second line is sexy. BUT since you asked for honesty, here's how it would have captured me instantly:

" I reached toward my bedside table. My being wished to reveal of a blade that I had hidden away in an old empty tissue case.

I could feel the aching of my veins for they controlled my most intrinsic thoughts... Wishing to be opened... Waiting... to be exposed.

No time for quick decisions, I cannot choose to avoid any longer. So I brought the blade toward my pale white skin...

Quickly, it turns crimson! My lips imprisoned my pain as I held my breath.

Tears stung my eyes, burning my raw skin. My heart ached even more as I was sickened within my innermost being.

Tongues shall soon wag of my act. " Fool! Attention w***e! Dirty emo!" Hateful words that I have yet to come by.

As I played with my blood, tracing the rosey blade with my finger, I slowly began to look up.

And as I looked into the mirror, what I saw was the Devil. For I am no longer what I was before. And never will I ever be."

Firstly, your enchanting poem was of past tense. Try comparing and recognizing the changes! Proper punctuations, proper usage of different relative words, capitalizing and of course, grammar. Nonetheless m'dear, everyone has different ideas of how their poems or writings should be composed. I do apologize for messing up your work though.

[Eleanor]

Wow. Honestly that's all I can say. I just really liked it,. I related to it so well. Amazing job.

[Alex Vidmar]

This is very interesting. Honestly was a little.... unnerved.

[S. Michael Long]

i might change seeing the devil to seeing my devil, but i love this its very powerful, i love the use of description and imagery with it... nice work -s

[Dayran]

Its certainly a matter of crossing the line. Nice write!

[Tamia123]

Every feeling in here is raw and beautifuful :) And no the ending is fine! That you can leave. and I really can't see any grammer mistakes so job well done :)

[Brantwijn]

This poem speaks to me on many, many levels. I love the last line especially. It is exceptionally powerful, and speaking from experience in self-injury, it rings so, so true. The lines about seeking attention, what people will say if they learn the truth, are also powerful. This poem is one that feels very, very real, and very honest.

[Rasputin]

With poetry, grammar really isn't something that should be judged or corrected (at least in my opinion). A poem should detail the flow of emotions, thoughts and images from your mind onto the paper (or the internet; whatever your chosen medium is), as opposed to adhering to grammatical guidelines. Personally, I rarely edit my poems, except for spelling mistakes, of which this poem is devoid.
One question, though: in the line "...the inners of my being", did you possibly mean to say "innards"? Otherwise, I liked this one. I like pieces that express the thoughts people have in their final moments (I myself have written two poems about just such a subject).

[Barbara Walker]

Fifth line- I'd write-"I feel sick from the depths of my being" Sixth line"The hateful words I HAVE yet to come by" is grammatically correct, but"I have yet to hear" sounds better to my ears. Last line- the finality of "I never will be" hit me in an odd way. I suppose you could know that, without a doubt, but this speaker doesn't seem to be a real confident, self-assured person, so I see that last line as more of a question or uncertainty....and I don't know if I ever will be. Just my thoughts:)
This is intense and the imagery is good.

[Siren]

This piece is heart-wrenching. So much emotion. Well done!