The Girl Who never Smiled.

This is the draft for my in class writing exam.

I couldn’t understand why, no matter how hard I tried to penetrate my pale white skin. It simply wouldn’t work. I sat there alone, desperate to relieve myself of the pain that ached in my chest, yet couldn’t understand why every time I brought the blade near my body, my sweated fingertips would slip and I’d lose my grip.

“Jay!” I heard the frantic cries of my fiancé, he sounded close, yet so far away. I started to panic, unsure of what he’d do if he found me.

“Babe where are you?” his voice grew louder, my sobs were muffled by my own hand. I didn’t want him to see me in that state; he had a heart of gold which is the very reason why I knew he would worry.

My fingers took hold of the blade once more this time I was certain, this time I wouldn’t chicken out. A cry escaped from my chapped lips, a cry filled with sadness, one filled with terror and pain. Somehow I had to hold my fears inside I bit into my lower lip to contain any further cries. I had to pry my eyes away from my bloodied wrists, the more I saw of them, the more it hurt.

Hurtful words flooded my confused mind, memories of those hateful words, those pack of lies which were spread across the nation. What did I do to deserve this pain? Surely it was my fault people aren’t vicious for no reason, maybe I was the heartless cow my sister always called me. Maybe I was a filthy slag the papers labelled me as. But if it were true, then how’d I still have Lou?

“Babe, are you in here?” Lou knocked on the door, I couldn’t bring myself to answer him, I wasn’t ready for his questions.

“Babe?” he repeated as he tried to pick the lock, I crawled desperately over towards the toilet, if he was going to come in here; I had to try and cover up the blood somehow. It would have been easier to rinse it off with the sink, but in case you hadn’t realised yet, I am a wuss, I couldn’t even stand the thought of the water’s sting against my freshly opened flesh.

Another bang on the door startled me, as I wiped away the blood drops that ran down my arms. It was a gamble that I was willing to take; I should have had enough time to get to the cupboard, to find myself a bandaid, I would have if Lou didn’t burst into the bathroom, with the doorknob in his hands.

“Jay?” he cried his face softening as he noticed what I had done. I took a few steps backward and landed on the closed toilet seat. He rushed to my side fear filled his usually bright blue eyes. I realised then that I hadn’t just hurt myself I had hurt the one person who could make me happy. The one person who’d made me smile.

“I love you.” He whispered, as he wrapped his strong arms around me, I whimpered into his shoulders as he carried me over to the bed in our room.

“Why’d you do this?” he asked after bandaging up my wounds. All I could do was shrug I had no words to say and everything I wanted to say wasn’t coming out, I watched as he finally noticed the magazine I had been reading when he’d seen me last. He went straight into the article I had dog eared before I dropped it on the floor. His face turned from sunshine straight into a fearful storm.

“How can someone say these things?” he almost yelled, I’d never seen him like that before it was quite amusing.

“It’s probably true.” I whispered softly as I laid there in the middle of the bed.

“No, its definately not true Jay, you know you’re the smartest, funniest and most breathtaking girl I have ever met?” he asked, I wasn’t sure if he was expecting an answer so I stared at him blankly.

“I wake up every morning and turn over to see your beautiful face beside me, I start praising God for the blessing me with such luck. When I am away from you all I have to do is look at the sun it reminds me how my life was just like a rainy day before we met. Sure I had everything the looks, the fame, the girls but none of it compares to having you now. That’s why next week you’re going to be my wife and the rest of the universe is going to have to suck it up because from now on nobody is going to get away with saying anything like this again.” He pointed at the article before throwing it away in the trash. My whole body shivered as he gently stroked my aching wrists, my heart even raced as his lips met mine. That very moment was what I called happiness, the very definition of love. The boy with the golden heart had accomplished the impossible. The girl, who never smiled, was now the girl who never stopped.

Author's Note

I wrote this yesterday in my exam we were allowed to keep our draft copy sooo I decided to show you to see how I went??

Tell me what you think xxx

Reviews

[Tala]

This was really well written, usually when i review i have to quote tons of stuff that's a bit rubbish but here i could not find a fault. from the rest of your reviews i'm in the minority but i wasn't a big fan of the plot, sorry. i found it cheesy, a bit unrealistic and honestly a bit embarassing. i guess i really hate stories where the girl's weak and the guy "saves her" and i thought the guy's speech was a bit cliched and annoying. it is really well written though and i'm sure the examiners wont have the same hang ups as me and will love it.

[Racy Daniel]

I don't know how in a appropriate way way I can review you,
Indeed it is a touchy story. This story holds vast meaning, within very few lines and pictures you brought out here much more things usually a story can bring. That's great topic on which you have written your poem. Carry on.

Do writing more.

[Jack Isaac]

Ohhh, poor Lou doesn't know the least of what he's getting himself into. Such a quick fix in his mind will stave off the pappos, but for how long? A month -- or two? Okay, maybe Jay isn't THAT diva in fear of THOSE paparazzi, yet in her context she might as well be --ya know wut I mean? Yet this write does get to the short of it: as long as Lou continues to amuse, Jay will always smile. Hmmm, nicely put :)

[Clever Forever]

The end was amazing!! Great write overall too. Shocking, and sweet.. Good job.

[Sunflower 20]

i really enjoyed this, especially the end. as for writing this in an exam, i think you did pretty well considering you didn't even know the topic before you went in. great job :)

[CHRIS ANDES]

you did it well suicide pact =]

[caroline]

I like it. It seems like the girl in the poem is fretting and trying to feel anything but mental pain by cutting herself. Will she really be happy or will the pain continue?

[Not Your Typical New Yo..]

Beautiful, shocking, and a very much like a true story. I am suffering from depression, and I do sometimes have these thoughts, but I would never try to end my life, because I'm not the type of guy to give up. I've been there, and so I really feel a strong connection to your main character. Nicely done with this flash fiction piece.

[Barbara Walker]

I know this is a rough draft, but you asked what I think...this would be a good flash story. I would change a line-"Maybe I was the filthy slag the papers had labeled me."
I found it difficult to believe that she was so trite, she would find his reaction "quite amusing".

[Krista Weiss]

Amazing story and very well written! I'm sure you're gonna get a great grade on this :) I loved it