Again

A sky filled with sorrow

C       d      t     o     p    

 r       o     e       f     a

y       w     a               i

  s    n         r           n

               s

They'll land on me and you

As lightening flashes

 

It fee     li       an a   i

        ls     ke         c  d

Eating away what we have

Built over so long

W    p      s          r

h    l         prea     oo

 i     a n        d     t

  l    ts                   s

 e

 

Our walls CRumble

 

Now it's over

The chips are down

Leaving us both hoping

History won't repeat itself

Again

Author's Note

Experimenting with format here. Tell me if you thought it worked well/ what could have been improved?

Reviews

[Jake Staffeld]

You're excused for your assumptions ;)

[Ben Taylor]

Lol was this in response to my poem you reviewed? It sounds cluncky to say "an" acid. Just say acid. If you were trying to replicate the type of thing that I did, you should read Grasshopper by E.E. Cummings. He does this extremely well, and the capital letters are not used for emphasis; they are used to convey the position of the subject in relation to the reader. For example: guSTs. You can see the gust of the wind rise in intensity partway through, as a real gust would. The position of the letters on the page should be directly in relation to what the actual subject of the poem would be doing. This is a good start, but if you want to refine this, read the poem I mentioned.
You commented on my poem, about how the structure detracted from the comprehensibility; that is how it should be. You shouldn't be able to tell everything that there is to know in a poem from your first read, especially if the structure is meant to be experimental and different. This is a good "transition" poem to the type of poem I have been describing; the lyrics are good, and what you did with the words adds some dynamic to the poem, and it makes it more interesting.
If you weren't attempting to imitate what I did, I apologize for my pompous assumptions.