Trials

     The sky was dark, as clouds obscured a dim moon. No life was in sight. John knew he was near the goal, but he couldn't tell where it was in the darkness.

     He was cold, hungry, sick, and tired. His perseverance was at an all time low. He could feel victory ahead, though, and this drove him on.

     In truth, he hated this entire ordeal. It took so much time away from what he really wanted to do, from his life. It was difficult and dangerous, and uneccesary. In the day, the blazing sun bleached everything bone white. At night, the darkness was so deep it made him blind. The few animals that managed to survive here were viscous beasts with teeth that could cut through bone and claws like swords. By far the worst thing was a lack of supplies, though. There was virtually no food and no water for his entire journey.

     He quickly realized that speed was key. If he took to long, he wouldn't survive. John found he was crossing ten miles a night, and he still wasn't going fast enough. He grew exhausted in  short order, and this affected more than just his physical strength.

     He'd started to notice changes in himself early on. Soon he was hallucinating. At first he talked to himself, but the sound of silence became sweet very quickly. Shudders racked his body every time he thought of his old home. He felt stronger even as he weakened. The Wastes started to feel like a home, and he began to feel comfortable there. Hatered and distrust of people and the society he had come from took hold on his fevered mind during moments of clarity.

    John fought this change as hard as he could. He knew that he'd been altered by the trial. He realized that if he had never taken the trial, he'd be happier. But he also knew he was helpless against such a powerful tradition.

Author's Note

It started as a war story, but became a trancendentalist story.

Reviews

[Althelia Marie Caine]

It's a very dark, strategically beautifully done writing.

[warrencook]

compelling. good writing, drew me in easily.

[Rayne Stanton]

nicely written jake :)

[M.Babu]

I think there's a typo in the third paragraph "unecessary---> unnnecessary"

But aside from that...WOW! What a mysterious tale. The suspense was very fulfilling and the monologue vivid. I wouldn't have written this this way so kudos on your approach:)

Good one

[Ravyne Hawke]

I love this Jake.. such emotion and powerful imagery.. I am glad you went trancendental with this. Great write!

[Coyote Poetry]

"Hatered and distrust of people and the society he had come from took hold on his fevered mind during moments of clarity."
A very strong story. I like how you brought me in with mystery and a road trip. I like how the story got stronger and more interesting. I like the ending. You left out a lot of hidden story. The story had great possibilities. The who, what, why, where and how could create a great tale. A outstanding chapter.
Coyote

[Alice In My Own Wonderl..]

" In truth, he hated this entire ordeal. It took so much time away from what he really wanted to do, from his life. It was difficult and dangerous, and uneccesary. In the day, the blazing sun bleached everything bone white. At night, the darkness was so deep it made him blind. The few animals that managed to survive here were viscous beasts with teeth that could cut through bone and claws like swords. By far the worst thing was a lack of supplies, though. There was virtually no food and no water for his entire journey."
This paragraph was almost like a poem. You described everything perfectly. Wonderful write :) 100/100