Alone

Prompt for week 2. I decided to make it set in WWII, with a refugee the main character.

   As a burning flame ate away what was left of his home, Alicot walked towards the dock and his new life. Over the past few days, his life had fallen to pieces. His buisness had failed, his friends had left or died in the bombings, and there was almost no time until the enemy was at the gates. So it was he boarded the boat to America.
   He had been one of the few with enough money left to escape Poland, and it showed. The boat was almost empty. The few on board were all filled with sorrow, and obviously bereft. That was the price of crossing on a ship through Nazi waters. As the smoke of G' Dansk faded into the distance, the fear of being sunk grew.
   Soon enough, Alicot saw the first of many British ships on their route. As they made their way into the Atlantic Ocean, the passengers got into little groups and got even quiter than they had already been. As he started to fall asleep, memories flooded into Alicots mind. He remembered  escaping from Warsaw, and his parents refusing to do so. He assumed they were dead, as they were of Jewish decent. And his fiance, the lovely Rita, had died in the fires as houses burned down in the port.

   With no one else to cling to, Alicot became the outcast of the ship. He was left alone by all the others, with the crew avoiding him as much as possible. It was in this state that he arrived at Ellis Island. As he was shuffled through the gates along with thousands of others, It finally struck him. He was in a new land, the Land of Opportunity, and he was all alone, without anyone, anywhere.

Author's Note

The prompt was greatest fear. My greatest fear is to be all alone, with out anyone to love.

Reviews

[Blue Moon Ice Cream]

I like the setting you picked, and you seem to have given a lot of thought to the background information. I noticed a lot of helping verbs (had, was, were) and it would improve the story to try to rephrase where it's possible so that you use more active verbs. (That's something I struggle with, too.) The horrible events Alicot experienced in the war might be more emotionally compelling if we were given glimpses of them through his eyes, rather than informed about them. Great story, though. I always enjoy reading WW2 pieces.

[Coyote Poetry]

Opportunity for a strong story. I met a few prison camp survivors in my life. I would not talk. I would listen to them. They lived through hell and back. They taught me you could do anything. I like the way the story is getting set-up. I look forward to reading more,
Coyote

[Ravyne Hawke]

I love the setting (WW2 buff) and the imagination you put into this story. Being all alone is scary, especially to never be loved again. I was glad to see you stepping out of your comfort zone as a poet and writing a short story. Excellent job!

[M.Babu]

Nicely done.

Being alone is every human's fear...it's primal instinct to stick with your kind and this really vindicates that.

I'd read more. Keep writing my friend.

~M.Babu~

[Becky]

a very good starting piece, Jake.

just a quick note to watch your punctation and the tense you wish to write with. you jump between past and present in this short story.

[Lily Mae]

I love it.. It was like reading a letter from my G.G. Grandfather on his journey here from Poland.. Hiding your faith, hiding everything, even his true identity.. I love it.. Great write..x

[Tasha]

this was so amazing! you did a really good job.

[sarah]

that is amazing