A Battlefield of Linoleum

arguments and alcohol.

Finally. Spare seconds

On the cool, ordered squares of linoleum

In the white light of the kitchen

While she puts her son to sleep.

The crack of my beer-can

Was like a sniper rifle;

It revealed my position to her

Through the closed bedroom door.

And it gave her the necessary seconds to prepare

A witty bullet between her teeth.

Pray she doesn't bite down,

    snap the casing, sprackle the gunpowder

      through those teeth, boom syllables of hurt

         across the kitchen.

I position the beercan quietly on the kitchenette.

One by one my fingers release

The cool little aluminum barrel.

My eyes pray to the quiet filament in the kitchen light-bulb

That her bedroom door won't swing open,

That she won't march down the hallway carpet,

That the artillery of her teeth won't

Lodge shrapnel in the bones of my final jaw.

Reviews

[spiritwind]

I saved you for my last read of the day
like a treat
And what a treat it is--this is different in layout from the last one I read from you. A wise choice.
We all bring different lives to the table of literature--so forgive me if what I see here is different from what you intended.
To me this is the final seconds before disaster--before a brutal beating--before a bloody shooting
she puts HER son to sleep
the crack of the beer can like a sniper rifle
IT REVEALED MY POSITION TO HER
beware--tread lightly woman--I am here and I've been drinking

Then the warning:
And it gave her the necessary seconds to prepare

A witty bullet between her teeth.

Pray she doesn't bite down,

snap the casing, sprackle the gunpowder

through those teeth, boom syllables of hurt

across the kitchen.

She better watch what she says--if things explode it will be HER fault for saying the wrong thing
" I position the beercan quietly on the kitchenette.
One by one my fingers release
The cool little aluminum barrel."
The spine tingling terror of such PRECISE movements
and the allusion to a rifle's barrel.

Oh he prays she doesn't come out of the bedroom
prays hard she doesn't start things with those word bullets in her mouth because if she does... his will be the final say.

How's that for seeing your poem through a different set of eyes? Is it a good thing that we can write one thing and release another?

You are such a poetic giant... can't wait to read your works again and again.

[TL Boehm]

WOW! Stellar! I've experienced this, although I've never written about it so eloquently.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i see two people ready to do battle again...an abusive relationship both ways...and he is trying to avoid it...or at least hoping to..that she will leave the door shut..that he could just drink another beer...

this is so sad...when things get like this...one or the other or both should just leave...get the hell out of there...and start over somewhere else.

abuse it one of the worst crimes..to me, worse maybe than murder.

people just mistreat each other and show such lack of respect...

we are all human, flawed and vulnerable...

this wording is wicked in this poem

jacob

[That_Girl]

This is pretty intense. I think karma plays a big role in it which I LOVE. A little bit of humor mixed in... I like it!

[victoria]

love the ordered beginning that unravels into the potential for chaos....''the crack of the beer can like a sniper rifle'' fine line and so onomatopoeaic too. Superbly crafted poetry

[Steven]

hahaha... So good man

[Becca Bishop]

In an obtuse way, I'm kind've glad that he's scared of his wife. Serves him right for drinking *shakes head*. This is a great little poem :D I love the feeling of it!!! Good job!!!

[Emily B]

the power of the living word--impressive

[barton smock]

final jaw, I like that. the opening, too. the domestic and customary, for me, overpower the analogy.

[Lover Of Words]

Lovely detail and exspression