Heavy Cargo

Heavy Cargo

A Poem by James William Dyer
"

A comparison of my interpersonal relationships to the freighters I once watched creep along the straits of mackinaw, beneath the bridge and out into nothingness....

"


The freighters creeeeeep along

The Straits of Mackinaw,

Undisturbed by the vicious, blue chop,

Unaffected by relentless skittles of rain

          that (.....sizzle.....)  in sheets across the watertop;

Plodding_   _  __along straight lines____________

          well-defined routes

                         across the Great Lakes.

All that cargo, [boxed] and rowed along their decks,

Organized by origin and destination,

    are like all my little prepackaged defeats,

       my attitudes.

          my relationships.

It's a daydream,

How theWEIGHTof that cargo

Never doubts itself, never

                                      submerges,

Even with the le -e- e-eer of all that cold

           deep, unforgiving water

                     beneath it.

They drift along the far rim of my horizons,

Sooooooooo               slow,

The way I navigate through all the people

That I've ever known.

The more and more

                 I

    look

                                         away,

    am distracted by a

                gull,

    Or a scrap of litter escaping from a child's hand}............

The more likely I am to look up

And find those heavy freighters and all their cargo

                          G0NE.

                                   .

                                   .

                                   .

                                   .

© 2012 James William Dyer


Author's Note

James William Dyer
There are semantic reasons for the grammatical devices employed here, I'm just not sure if they seem forced in this one or if they're just not effective. This was originally written without any unique punctuation or word spacing, then went back and Visualized it. Not sure......

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Reviews

"...All that cargo, [boxed] and rowed along their decks,
Organized by origin and destination,
are like all my little prepackaged defeats..."
--One of the best metaphors I have read in a very long time, James...really well done. As far as the devices and effects, I think it would be just as powerful a piece without them, but that they are there lends a certain energy to the flow of the words. In my humble opinion, if you can have that...you know...that strong of a message that the point comes across no matter how it is formatted, which you do, then you are doing something a lot of writers can only dream of doing, and you are doing it well. So, I don't know, keep the unique punctuation...or don't...the words are what matters, and here, they are strong enough to stand on their own.

-kimmer

Posted 8 Years Ago


nicely done!

Posted 8 Years Ago


I enjoyed the journey the poem took me on very much, its a great write. Personally I found the devices employed though a slight distraction as I did not understand them.

Posted 8 Years Ago


James William Dyer

8 Years Ago

for instance, (.....sizzle...) the periods symbolize little dots, like raindrops on the water';s sur.. read more
James William Dyer

8 Years Ago

they are meant to be very subtle mental symbols that add to the poem, but I'll admit to having some .. read more
John Phoenix Hutchinson.

8 Years Ago

Thanks for the explanation........that's fab and made re reading your poem great fun!
On the matter of the effectiveness of spacing and punctuation I would say that some things, like in the fourth to last line, that are just lost to me. On the other hand, the visualization of the first half of the poem is very beneficial.
"How the weight of that cargo, Never doubts itself," I got hung up on this line because there is this black cloud of self-doubt, it is hard to imagine, to wrap my head around something like cargo being more certain in it's purpose than me.

Posted 8 Years Ago


James William Dyer

8 Years Ago

yeah the Visualism, I didn't take much time on it here, I'll have to reapply it in a more thought o.. read more
Extant

8 Years Ago

Welcome.
You really do need to get this published.....

Posted 8 Years Ago


I am invigorated by the spatial arrangements and the type differences. I love [boxed]... just how clever was that! The word rowed used that way! Ha!
"The more and more

I

look

away,

am distracted by a

gull,

Or a scrap of litter escaping from a child's hand"

Perfect!
I have to admit that this didn't do it for me... perhaps because of its placement in the poem ",,,,, ,, ,, , , , , , , , ) ) )"
Absolutely am a fan of you now!
You go forth and adventure all over with your poetic insights... I'll be glad to ride your backtrail.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Solid work as always

Posted 8 Years Ago


This made me straighten up and take notice... I haven't read something like this... The letter manipulations that you employ actually make this quite graphic and visual.. I loved this style!! I loved the metaphor in this piece.. how the cargo sailing on treacherous water resembles the quest of an ordinary one for the impossible....Your poetry always reminds me how much magic there actually is in the fleeting moments of life.. Be proud James! You are an exceptional writer :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


James William Dyer

8 Years Ago

thanx. I call it --Visualism--
Pratik

8 Years Ago

You are welcome... :)
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Ees
Nice waves of the poem. I like that.
I love the bit about getting distracted by a gull of a scarp of litter.
Really well written poem right here. I enjoyed reading it. Nice work, all that heavy cargo... of life being transported around.

Great job!

Posted 8 Years Ago


Nice poem!

Posted 8 Years Ago



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604 Views
11 Reviews
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Shelved in 2 Libraries
Added on October 9, 2012
Last Updated on October 14, 2012
Tags: freighters, burden, weight, ships, nautical, water, loss, grief, isolation, abnormal, fucked

Author

James William Dyer
James William Dyer

Bliss, MI



About
I began writing when I was in the fourth or fifth grade. We were extremely poor and my mother had purchased an old typewriter from a yard sale for me, tired of trying to decipher my mangled handrwitin.. more..

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