Heavy Cargo

A comparison of my interpersonal relationships to the freighters I once watched creep along the straits of mackinaw, beneath the bridge and out into nothingness....

The freighters creeeeeep along

The Straits of Mackinaw,

Undisturbed by the vicious, blue chop,

Unaffected by relentless skittles of rain

          that (.....sizzle.....)  in sheets across the watertop;

Plodding_   _  __along straight lines____________

          well-defined routes

                         across the Great Lakes.

All that cargo, [boxed] and rowed along their decks,

Organized by origin and destination,

    are like all my little prepackaged defeats,

       my attitudes.

          my relationships.

It's a daydream,

How theWEIGHTof that cargo

Never doubts itself, never

                                      submerges,

Even with the le -e- e-eer of all that cold

           deep, unforgiving water

                     beneath it.

They drift along the far rim of my horizons,

Sooooooooo               slow,

The way I navigate through all the people

That I've ever known.

The more and more

                 I

    look

                                         away,

    am distracted by a

                gull,

    Or a scrap of litter escaping from a child's hand}............

The more likely I am to look up

And find those heavy freighters and all their cargo

                          G0NE.

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Author's Note

There are semantic reasons for the grammatical devices employed here, I'm just not sure if they seem forced in this one or if they're just not effective. This was originally written without any unique punctuation or word spacing, then went back and Visualized it. Not sure......

Reviews

[Steven]

Man, this is interesting, very experimental. I like the underline, bold letters, and space between them better than caps, repeating letters and repeating punctuation. And for some reason I saw _siZZle_ as someone's user name, lol. Must be the mod era. I might incorporate some italicized words too. But that just how it came off to me. For the content, I liked the images you painted and expressed, everything had life, including the freighters and the water, and even the cargo, which had a particularly pungent metaphor. Nice write.

[James William Dyer]

you are right about siZZle reading like a user name. I am changing it to (....sizzle....), the periods are meant to convey a mental implication of little dots on a surface, like rain on water, and the parenthesis add to the verbal sound break around the word.

[Steven]

I get that. A definite improvement.