Driving through the streets of darkness

Driving through the streets of darkness

A Poem by JanieB

Please take heed..

 

Driving the streets of darkness

 

Carelessly driving the streets of darkness

Avoiding the pot holes along the way

Remembering what a fantastic evening

Idiots like me on the roads again

Nothing stops me when I’ve had too much

Gladly accepting one for the road.

 

Could be caught, and then what would happen

Arrest and sent to prison I dare say

Ridiculous we are and my fellow friends

I desperately try and concentrate

Never ending this long journey home

Gripping tight on the steering wheel desperate to get us all back safe.

 

Cautiously turning the bends now

Aware the passengers I am carrying

Raucous laughter in the back

Idiots are we I thought yet again

Never once caught on these roads before

Gladly we turn into home, safe at long last.

 

 

 

 

© 2010 JanieB


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Featured Review

I think this has a unique them to it. But I get confused as to whether it is meant to be positive or negative. IDK if that makes sense or not.I really like the first two sentences though.. they just seem to work.
3rd and 4th sentence of the first stanza don't transition very well.
Also you use awkward phrases some times, like idiots are we, but this I like b/c it shows that you are probbly drunk. I think you could probbly make this poem hilarious by writing it literally as if you were drunk. Ever heard of the quote "I swear to drunk I'm not god" Maybe you could figure out how to do that. Either way you should try to be a little more consistent in your tone, either have weird/funny drunk phrases, or be serious about it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Dear JanieB

First and always best reaction?

I admire the complete honesty of this piece. I love candour, honesty in writing and I relate to yours. I only do honest you wuill see if you ever get round to reading me. No obligation.

Style? Nothing to adversely critique rather much to celebrate.

Content? The whole notion of drinking and driving is taboo. That is precisiely why as writers we should address it and I am so pleased you have in this piece.

I think by now many on this site know I am bipolar (a manic depressive) like say Leonard Cohen or Vincent van Gogh was repouted to be.

It is the greatest blessing and curse of my life. But if it does anything, given what I have seen and experienced in life, it adds I hope to my empathy.

On a course I attended relating to and very helpful in managing the disorder, one of the presenters (bipolar in recovery) said to us all that he had now given up drinking and driving and women as both were bad for his health!

I fear I have drunk and driven, had more women than is entirely requisite in the normal life span, driven sports cars at 100 miles an hour down 60 miles an hour roads only to do a hand break turn before returning home.

I do not hereby respect my behvaiour. Rather I reject it. I am pleased I too am in recovery. But I am brave enough like you to write about it!

But I think it is joyful to watch people write about their own shortcomings for us all to sit back and relate, even with only a wry smile of recognition.

With my admiration for this piece and my kindest regards

James

Posted 6 Years Ago


This is a very unique piece. I liked how the driver is catious and finally makes it home safe. In a way we all silently pray for that same thing.

Posted 7 Years Ago


I like the message.
Life isn't black or white.
A split second can change the course of our lives, decisions decisions...

Posted 7 Years Ago


What I really like here is the small, vocative Please take heed...., and the self critical look at yourself, I`m not too sure I understand what you did wrong, maybe you should work it over so that it is a bit easier to understand what happened, but all in all funny, wry and ironical, good poem.

Posted 7 Years Ago


nice rythm. it has that old english taste but in your own unique way that it sounded philosophical and clever. thumbs up!

Posted 7 Years Ago


Interesting write, the driver must always be cautious and never get too deeply moved or involved in what other talk while driving which may make him lose concentration.... gladly everyone is back home :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


This was different put me in the mindset of a Taxi ride gone bad and I have had a few of those.

Posted 8 Years Ago


It was a great poem with a great message and meaning behind it
Your grammar was also excellent
I liked it :)

Posted 8 Years Ago


Your grammar and punctuation were excellent. I'm not sure if its meant to be negative or positive but, it was a marvelous poem speaking and all of thought that are held on a drunks head even if they may be caught or set free to roam in a irresponsible. Well done and keep up the marvelous work in writings but, be a little more specific.

Posted 8 Years Ago


This is a good poem, and I like the message behind it. Great write.


Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on October 27, 2010
Last Updated on October 27, 2010

Author

JanieB
JanieB

Paphos, Europe, Cyprus



About
I started writing in October '10. A real new bee to this world of writing. I currently live in Cyprus, where I have been since 2005. I am British, and have spent many years living abroad. Please j.. more..

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