Driving through the streets of darkness

Driving through the streets of darkness

A Poem by JanieB

Please take heed..

 

Driving the streets of darkness

 

Carelessly driving the streets of darkness

Avoiding the pot holes along the way

Remembering what a fantastic evening

Idiots like me on the roads again

Nothing stops me when I’ve had too much

Gladly accepting one for the road.

 

Could be caught, and then what would happen

Arrest and sent to prison I dare say

Ridiculous we are and my fellow friends

I desperately try and concentrate

Never ending this long journey home

Gripping tight on the steering wheel desperate to get us all back safe.

 

Cautiously turning the bends now

Aware the passengers I am carrying

Raucous laughter in the back

Idiots are we I thought yet again

Never once caught on these roads before

Gladly we turn into home, safe at long last.

 

 

 

 

© 2010 JanieB


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I think this has a unique them to it. But I get confused as to whether it is meant to be positive or negative. IDK if that makes sense or not.I really like the first two sentences though.. they just seem to work.
3rd and 4th sentence of the first stanza don't transition very well.
Also you use awkward phrases some times, like idiots are we, but this I like b/c it shows that you are probbly drunk. I think you could probbly make this poem hilarious by writing it literally as if you were drunk. Ever heard of the quote "I swear to drunk I'm not god" Maybe you could figure out how to do that. Either way you should try to be a little more consistent in your tone, either have weird/funny drunk phrases, or be serious about it.

Posted 8 Years Ago


1 of 1 people found this review constructive.




Reviews

Great job. Very interesting write.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Oh when i was young they would pull you over and pour out your beer or take it .But they would follow you home.but no more the penalty now you wont forget

Posted 8 Years Ago


is it positibve or negative? i hate drunk drivers, alot of fatal deaths could be prevented from people not drinking and driving, or txting and driving. just pay attention to the road!
but good poem :D

Posted 8 Years Ago


I found this to be quite entertaining, even though I felt guilt for being entertained by it. I think I would have preferred a darker end to it, which would have made it less entertaining but would have sent a stronger message. Then again, it's a poem and not a public service announcement. As a poem, it works just fine.

Posted 8 Years Ago


Thats a silly and dangerous journey, but a good poem

Posted 8 Years Ago


Interesting Poem! I have driven in this state many times in my youth (thank God I gave up drinking) and I have to say that a designated driver is the way to go!

Posted 8 Years Ago


I'm actually coming back to this poem for the third time finally ready to comment. There is a very unique heroic aspect to the narrator, which sets off a good case for making this poem into a modern epic of some great proportions. Frankly I think the subject matter would be great, and it would only require a few word changes to make this into a heroic tale...just the way I read it...otherwise pretty good write.

Posted 8 Years Ago


interesting, I like it the ending seems to end fast but overall good poem

Posted 8 Years Ago


Quite an interesting piece, the question in what direction should we decide to take action.
Excellent write.


Posted 8 Years Ago



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Added on October 27, 2010
Last Updated on October 27, 2010

Author

JanieB
JanieB

Paphos, Europe, Cyprus



About
I started writing in October '10. A real new bee to this world of writing. I currently live in Cyprus, where I have been since 2005. I am British, and have spent many years living abroad. Please j.. more..

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