I'm Proud Of What I Did

I'm Proud Of What I Did

A Poem by J.R Schlievert
"

Enjoy :)

"

I’m proud of what I did

that’s what I said

that’s what I am

I’m proud

 

Crazy Man

Bitter Man

Digesting Man

They called me

 

But, in gods eyes

I did well

I wont go to hell

For what I did

 

Live is love

But love is inanimate

Then, what makes life?

Inanimate.

 

God loves me!

I screamed

As they hung the

Crazy Man

 

I watch in the audience

I watch myself drop

And burned

By righteous hands

 

But, little do they know

I will sill be there

Not in body

But by soul.

© 2009 J.R Schlievert


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Reviews

Good imagery, powerful writing,
amazing job.

Posted 8 Years Ago


very powerful, and very moving.
great job.

Posted 9 Years Ago


another excellent write , i love this, good job. you are very talented

Posted 9 Years Ago


That's right my dear... in the end, it was never between you and them, just you and God. Amen!

Posted 9 Years Ago


I like it. Love the whole "I am myself and that is enough," bit, and I like how you bring God into it at a few points. A few spelling errors, but not a ton. Awesome :)

Posted 9 Years Ago


Just pointing out mistakes.

"Live is love"
Do you mean, "To live is to love" or "LIFE is love"

"Then, what makes life?
Inanimate."
This answer is a bit weird. Just as a grammar thing.

"But, little do they know
I will sill be there
Not in body
But by soul."

I will still be there.... but in soul.

You have to be careful with all your apostrophes, you keep missing them out :D

"I watch in the audience
I watch myself drop"

It is in the past tense, this whole poem. So it's "I watched in the audience, I watched myself drop"

"God loves me!"
This line should have speech marks since he was screaming it out?

Done with the grammar mistakes.
Now. The real review :D

I was wondering, is this poem like a snap poem?
(Snap poem is my term for a quick fast and easy write, leaving strewn mistakes in their wake)

So you need to really, really read and review it by yourself first before asking others.

By the way, I love the aura of mystery where you don't really know what he did.
But you could actually give a hint on why he was hanged.
Was he a witch? Like it was set in the olden times?

But this is powerful. Even though it's short. And clipped.
I'll be looking forward to your next reads.

Posted 9 Years Ago


I love it, it's amazing!!

Posted 9 Years Ago


This poem is powerful and touching. Very good I enjoyed. =^,,..,,^=

Posted 9 Years Ago


Very repetivie... but good all the same missed some major flow .. but the meaning was clear and presice and worthy of beinh read.
Very deep and understandble

Posted 9 Years Ago


This is amazing, and such a deep poem.


Posted 9 Years Ago



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Added on November 25, 2009

Author

J.R Schlievert
J.R Schlievert

Queen Creak, AZ



About
If a fun loving person! Need help with anything just give me a message and I promise that I will get to you! Im a big guy at 65 (AAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! THAT RHYMED!) and I love people! And what ever they .. more..

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