4xo1 | Part 1.

The new semester starts with some surprising news. Abed has gotten himself a girlfriend this semester, but he's not the only one affected by her.

4x01

The first squeak didn't bother Annie Edison much. In fact, she turned over and pulled her pink lacy tank top up closer to her neck. Yet when she noticed that there were no creepy Abed Nadirs sitting in front of her with a camera, her eyes gently drifted shut. Yet there was another squeak, and she jerked up quickly. Slowly, she crept to her door and pulled it open. 

The squeaking went from a brief soft screech, to multiple ones, continuously. This wasn’t the first time this had happened this week, and now it was starting to really get on her nerves.

She slammed her palms against the wall beside the bed fort impatiently. It was probably Britta and Troy getting it on with no regard for no one else’s sleep schedule. This made Annie angry and the rapping she created with her palms got louder. Uncontrollably she stamped her foot. “TROY!”

“What?” Across the room, Troy Barnes stepped out of the room that had once been the Dreamtorium. She gasped, staring at him before turning back to the blanket fort. The squeaking did not halt.

“If you’re out here… Then who’s in there?” Annie tilted her head sideways as she looked back at Troy.

“Maybe Abed’s being strangled and needs us to come in there and save him! It could be Morse code! Annie he needs our help!” Troy’s voice had already exceeded the LeVar Burton freak out scale.

“TROY!” Annie whined and Troy slowly calmed down.

“Excuse me.” A raspy voice sounded from behind Annie and she whirled around to see a half naked woman poking out from the Star War covers of the blanket fort.

“If you could just keep it down a little bit… Abed and I are�"“ She looked from Annie to Troy. “Busy.” She handed them a phony smile before disappearing back into the fort.

“Wha�"“ Annie burst out in outrage. “Wh�"“

 

Give me some rope
Tie me to dream
Give me the hope to run out of steam
Somebody said it can be here
We could be roped up, tied up, dead in a year
I can't count the reasons I should stay
One by one they all just fade away

 

         

“Come on guys, it’s a new semester. I don’t see why Abed is any less entitled to pleasure than any of us.” Britta Perry sat down at the study table of Greendale Community College. “I mean, it’s a new semester. You couldn’t have expected Abed to stay abstinate forever.” She shot both Annie and Troy a stern look of judgment.

 

           “I know.” Annie shrugged one shoulder. “I just always assumed that Abed would be a virgin forever. Like me.”

            “Oh Annie, you think you’re going to stay a virgin forever? That’s cute.” Britta smirked.

            “You know. I couldn’t see her, but I bet she was cute. Abed gets women. And they’re cute women. They have to be. He’s my best friend.” Troy beamed proudly.

            “Yes because Troy’s pride is back in the building after the agony of being suppressed in previous semesters.” Jeff Winger made his way to his normal seat so that he could bury himself in his phone. He straightened out his Armani suit jacket before kicking his sports shoes onto the table.

            Shirley Bennett twirled into the room. “Hello everyone. How was break?”

            “Abed’s having sex!” Annie exclaimed.

            “Maybe it’ll save him from his mission to bomb us all like the rest of his family.” Pierce Hawthorne entered to his usual seat and pushed up his glasses. “And how was your break Shirley?” He asked as he folded his hands.

            “Oh it was good. The boys�"“

            “Everybody.” They all turned around to see Abed enter and take his seat and scoot up to the table. He smiled to them all giving a small wave. He slowly pulled a pair of miniature stereo speakers out his bag and set them on the table. A few shuffles through his Ipod, and he let out a small “Oh.”

            Suddenly “Tainted Love” began to pour through the speakers and he pointed toward the door. They all turned curiously as a girl began to walk toward them clad in knee high socks, a short plaid skirt, and a cloak resembling something of a grim reaper’s. Her hands were tucked into her belt loop as she walked in a slow seductive path towards Abed. She slowly plopped down on his lap and planted a kiss on his cheek as she turned off the radio.

            “Not Another Teen Movie entrance nailed. Cool, cool, cool.” He smiled to everyone. “Everyone, this is my girlfriend Kyra.”

            “Oh how nice.” Shirley clapped and paused. “Can we see her face, or is she�"“ She swallowed her words. Abed gently pulled the cloak off the girl’s hair, and she quickly shook her hair out. She smiled up at everyone and Annie and Troy both cried out.

            “Kyra Bailey.” They both breathed out together.

            “Time for class.”

            “I’ll walk you.” Abed smiled briskly. The group watched him walk out and Jeff cleared his throat loudly.

            “Who’s Kyra Bailey?” Britta asked quickly and Troy stood up from the table, his face solemn.

            “I’m gonna be late for class.”

            “Class doesn’t start for two hours and we still haven’t picked our blow off class.” Jeff explained as Troy walked past him.

            “Well, I’m gonna go�"Shove my head in a blender.”

            “Where are you going to find a blender?” Shirley’s face contorted in concern.

            “Oh Shirley, don’t be silly. Blender is obviously code word for penis. I knew you’d come out soon enough, Troy.” Pierce extended his arm to him in congratulations. Troy didn’t even acknowledge the remark, instead he continued his journey out of the study room.

  

          The room grew quiet and Annie sank down in her chair as all eyes turned to her. “Why is everyone looking at me?”

            “Because you know the secret about Kyra Bailey, and we wanna know.” Britta leaned over. “Right guys?”

            “Wrong.” Jeff slammed his fist down. “Can we have one study group meet where we’re not meddling into each other’s personal lives so deep that sometimes I can’t remember which one of us I am?”

            “Kyra went to high school with Troy and me.” Annie confessed and Jeff’s eyebrow lifted.

            “Okay, I’ll bite. Why’d you say it like that? You used the little 'Annie trapped inside a My Chemical Romance lyric book' voice. What’d she do?” Jeff leaned over. “Was she your dealer?”

            “NO!” Annie exclaimed, pushing her hand to her chest in outrage. “She-She�"“ She gulped. “She was the Troy to Troy’s Annie.”

            “I don’t understand.” Shirley looked down.

            “You mean to tell me that Troy liked this girl in high school like you liked him?” Britta sat back in her chair and folded her arms. “What does she have that I don’t?”

            “A 4.0 GPA, a prom queen crown, and basically, point put bluntly… She’s a female Abed.” Annie sighed.

            “A�"Is that possible?” Jeff exclaimed. They all grew quiet as Kyra entered the room, but wearing loose fitting pants this time around. She walked over to Abed’s chair and smiled picking up the neglected Ipod from the chair.

            “Sorry, Abed left his Ipod. Lunch, lunch, lunch?” She pointed to each person quickly before pointing her fingers like a gun at Annie. She made a “pew” sound before she left the room.

            “Holy s**t. It’s a Fabed.” Britta breathed out.

            “Britta, don’t be stupid.” Jeff patted her shoulder. “Clearly, the word you were looking for was Fembed.”

            “Oh Jeffrey!” Shirley whined as Jeff threw up two fingers as he exited the room.