A Poem by JayG

Because a very special lady isn't with me...but should be.



I woke, enveloped within the comfort only your warmth can bring
My head was nestled into the curve of your shoulder, my hand on velvet skin, stroking.

But you weren’t there.

Memory brought the scent of woman: gentle, and softly sated with pleasure
So warm with sleep, so twined with hints of passions past:
An ambiance of morning…a residue of night…a reason for joy and tears

But you weren’t there.

I woke with you gathered tightly around my being, comforting and exciting, both at once.
I woke to memories and to desire, and to comfort, as my lips--of themselves--"sought yours.

And then, you were there. But only for a moment:
In warmth
In passion
In comfort
In life
In all that matters.

But then, sadly, reality brought a sigh, and a turning inward

And on waking, I wept.

Because you weren’t there.

© 2018 JayG

Author's Note

I fixed the M-dash problem and the swapped last two lines on 10/3/18.

My Review

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You write engagingly with awareness of the poetic craft. You lure the reader in, transporting one into your sincere emotions that are so relatable, aided by the universality of love.
The entire poem is suspenseful, even reaching crescendo till the final twist when one realises being sojourned into your dream, and simultaneously wakes back to reality with you.

Well done!!

Posted 1 Month Ago

A very palpable sense of intimacy here. I think the strength of this poem was the description you'd used in the beginning. The thing that confuses me here is that you awoke and she was there--leading me to believe that in that moment, things were real. Then, however, you go on to say reality comes in some time after being awoken. Something about that messes with what your awakening is trying to represent. All-in-all, good stuff. Just figured that i'd give my two cents.

Posted 1 Month Ago

They say writing is a gift and you Sir are very gifted. Nice writing indeed from a master.

Posted 4 Months Ago

Well gee whizzles, this gave me the tear ninjas. I feel your pain quite clearly, it's such a lovely little poem, but has an understandable soreness to it. I can only send you the best of my wishes and hope your heart heals or at the very least gets as close as possible to a healed heart.

Posted 5 Months Ago

Full of emotions, I really like your write, Thought is was written with heart.

Posted 5 Months Ago

I enjoyed this story, the emotions and feelings portrayed are potent. But I find the execution has left me wanting more and less at the same time. I feel that this is redundant in unnecessary ways. Repetition can be powerful, I admit. However, (while I'm not sure exactly why) I feel that this could be stronger with less. Redundancy and repetition are different. Finding the balance between the two is the challenge. So, I'm not necessarily wishing for less repetition, but perhaps more intentional and concise repetition. I wonder if maybe this would work better as a poem... Just a thought.

Posted 6 Months Ago

oh, let me sleep again! I've been in that space between waking and dream, missing someone who wasnt there. This is a sweet poem full of feeling

Posted 7 Months Ago

I kept mine in a dreamcatcher; it has been stolen.

Posted 8 Months Ago

That is simply lovely, and very evocative, too. I often experience the exact same dream...mine is about a man, however. A precious moment, perfectly described.
Couldn't find any problems at all.

Posted 8 Months Ago

oh my...your poem has wrenched tears from me gut sir ..i can so relate to this ..having lost our love ..waking with wisps of that dream intact and memories so real .. an incredible blessing .. only to be stolen once again by the reality of the day ... couldn't even think to change a thing on this one ..whew! thanks for sharing!

Posted 8 Months Ago

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55 Reviews
Shelved in 1 Library
Added on August 27, 2017
Last Updated on October 4, 2018



Philadelphia, PA

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