Naked B***h

A "this is not a love poem," poem.

NAKED B***H

 

 

Oh naked b***h with whip and chain

You flay my soul, you burn my brain

You give me hate, and only pain

(Yet here I am with you again)

 

Oh naked b***h with eyes of flame

It’s not for me your heart to tame

To you it’s all a boring game

(I cannot seize your secret name)

 

Oh naked b***h when will it end?

My dreams you break, my soul you rend

In hell with you, my time I spend

(It’s me who’ll break, you’ll never bend)

 

Oh naked b***h with hip and thigh

Oh hear my prayer, and heed my cry

You bind my soul, my life you tie

(Please stop the hurt, and let me die)

 

Oh naked b***h, my life you crush

My dreams all torn, their contents gush

And yet to you again I rush

(And when I cry, you tell me hush)

 

Oh naked b***h, I made you so

With deed and word, and even blow

The things I did you’ll never know

(Oh naked b***h I love you so)

 

Oh naked b***h who I adore

Though thousands lay upon the floor

We run to you and ask for more

Oh naked b***h

Your name is War!

Author's Note

This began as something angry, though I can't remember what brought that mood. And truly, I didn't know what I was writing about till I reached the last stanza. And that wrote itself. I chose iambic tetrameter because the drumbeat cadence, and the repeated rhyme seemed to add momentum.

The change-up from declaration to editorial comment in L4 of each stanza but the last was meant to lower the intensity of the drumbeat, as a contrast and virtual pause, though I have no idea of what prompted me to to make the line parenthetical, other than it seemed, to me, to imply a whisper. It seemed to work for me, but...well, everything works for the one who writes it.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

I didn't expect that revealing turn of words. As the poor tortured one complained of Naked B***h's cruel treatment, I thought, "Well, why do you avail yourself to her? Seems like you don't mind it all that much." Then the surprising truth comes. Your technical explanation is wasted on me, unlearned, as I am, but I can still enjoy the poem on its face.

[Leo]

Very interesting piece indeed .. the rhyme that spawned into a great melody and rhythm made it flow superbly .. having read your bio gave me a sense that b***h was not going to be about a woman haha and I was right .. blessings

[Ivory]

This piece was not what i expected it to be, the ending left me in deep thought.
I do like how you express your anger and I thought it was well written.

[Laura Kate]

This is very interesting and a very intriguing title and opening stanza. I wanted to know more about this relationship which appeared to be a toxic kind of entrapment. The subject returning to its tormentor for support and for affection. What a great twist at the end, for War is a b***h. War is heartless, destructive, unforgiving and extremely narcissistic... which your seductive, hypnotising and unforgiving character embodies perfectly. I really enjoyed this. Laura.

[Ralph Proenza (Docralph..]

This worked for you, Jay. The imagery was vivid and Perfect. WAR—the great tormentor of humanity. Loved the drumbeat cadence...loved the whole piece. -R.Proenza

[Jasnil Chand]

The mood set by this is unexplainable
Marvellous

[k]

this is interesting, i really like your imagery. One tweak that may make it hit even harder is to maybe not start right out of the gate referring to the woman as a b***h until the end where your feelings towards her get stronger and you grow more frustrated and angry. its a really cool thing you do and the blunt language may help bring that out more if placed more carefully. Unless im misinterpreting the aim of your poem and that contrast between attitude and language is purposeful, in which case, sorry!

[PaintedBirdy]

i love this. the symbol of a "naked btich" is perfect. hey, i wouldn't mind one in my life, even if hurtful. :)

you're a rockstar of this community, the cafe. thanks brother. a lot of us wouldn't survive without people like you, and i'm sure that true outside the cafe too. you're a good bunch.

[CLR9]

She sounds like a nice lady. One to bring home to mom. Nomsayin

[Shazbatt969]

Sounded like a great night in until you threw the war thing in, then had to read it again, enjoyed on both levels