Falling Far From

Falling Far From

A Poem by Wont Ever Reach The Shore

I have given a lot of thought; I have undergone so much pain.

Is there any life out there? Have I traveled all in vain?

Can anyone restore me, Could you be the one?

Am I damned to an eternity of falling with the sun?

My passion is in flames, Love is distant as far as the moon.

Bullet through my reason, I will see God soon.

I am forever in the middle, heliocentric sorrow is.

I was born a Mr. and you will forever be an Ms.

Romeo and Juliet, I wish they never met.

Star crossed lovers from the start, Suicide, I will perfect the art.

© 2008 Wont Ever Reach The Shore


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the sentiment & the idea is good, as is the whole poem in general, but maybe you could use stronger words....maybe replace "undergone" with something stronger....maybe weave in a couple metaphors....work on the rhythm....maybe change "I have" to "I've"...maybe play around with the words in "Have I traveled all in vain"...you could talk about the nown (the journey) being worthless instead of talking about the verb (just a suggestion)....overall just play around with the wording in this poem because the ideas and emotions are strong but it could be stronger with a rewrite.

Posted 16 Years Ago



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Added on February 15, 2008

Author

Wont Ever Reach The Shore
Wont Ever Reach The Shore

Edmond, OK



About
My name is Jayden I am 20 years old I enjoy writing, mainly poetry since I do not have enough time to write storys. I also do "jackass" videos. www.myspace.com/nimrodvideos I ride horses play drums si.. more..

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