Compose Applause

Compose Applause

A Poem by Jazmen
"

#Revised free write inspired by Chopin's Nocturne Op9 No2 Eflat Major Andante

"
Withered
and misplaced
my fingers
curl and reach
filthy.
Shining with
some kind of
stick
Pale and thin
Feminine
Untrimmed

diamond-ringed.
the piano takes the lead
Lightly
and bold.
My bones
so cold under me
Raised,
my skin,
like scales
amidst my blueish, yellow
nails
Repent for the music again,
a pattern begins..
Soft keys freeze
on their highest peaks
up,
and like
melting ice descend

All aside the dance
of the left and
low hand

The Cat
Hotblooded
in my lap.
Light my cigarette
Adjusting my feet
-I sat-
My boots
and chains
upset atop the hollow
wood floor.
Hovering in Minor.
Rapturing
dark chords.

Thankful for the
Wild One's courtship
through this Cavern-Like
cold

Nocturne
fluttering
souls.




As deafly
or muted
as
can be..
Or
 
freed
on my own accord.
from the onlook
of frosty iron bars
A note is skipped

and made up for.
 

An alumni
to greater beauty
these few words
how the smoke seems to dance in the light
Raptured
by the atmosphere
And the not so dirty hands
twinkle
more like an enigma of
contrasting affinities
seen
through the eyes of the Important
beings

Into the begins of an end
whilst the night claims them..

and as my claws pry the keys for
an according
portrayal.

All through the
Andante
til now I create the last tune's

UPHEAVAL.

© 2012 Jazmen


Author's Note

Jazmen
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZSa1rF_g7ec


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Reviews

oh neato!

Posted 9 Years Ago


okay here is another one of your's that is absolutely spectacular..

i too embrace short line breaks in my writing and enjoy them when done right to accentuate particular points in the piece, which you do more then splendidly..

lots of critiques i see down below.. if i changed my poems with every single suggestion/correction that was given, the poem would be ever changing until it ceased to have any of my, essence, in it all.. i leave the grammar and punctuation to those that know that part better then i and simply scribble what falls out of simple brain, warts and all.. im all about how the song made me feel then how it was sung or written.. ive got a feeling that you dont need anyone to tell you to just follow your heart, but please do.. the colors you use to paint your poems brush brilliant across the papyrus of our eyes..

i dont know about composed, but excited applause to be sure

:)

Posted 9 Years Ago


I liked this piece. It was different and I like change, especially in writing. Keep up the good work!

Posted 9 Years Ago


I taste youthful hope and inspiration desperation as I drink this in... youthful desperation comingled with the dare of hope...

like smoke.

Posted 9 Years Ago


That was a very interesting and unusually expressed piece. I enjoyed it's uniqueness and well crafted descriptions.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Oh I like this poem. I love some of the descriptions, just simple things like 'frosty iron bars', 'the wild one's courtship'. It is descriptive yet vague enough for the reader to imagine for themselves who the actors are. It's tone is mystical and dark.

Posted 9 Years Ago


Very nice. Great write. With wishes.

Posted 9 Years Ago


i feel you when you say you wanted it to be raw for a couple of days if you want to make any edits that's on you, but it is good raw "All through the Andante til now i create the last tune's." I love it. You made me look up "andante" And it was a better poem once i did. Good s**t and thank you. I'm a fan.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


Beautiful. ONly complaints? The line breaks are aesthetically pretty but don't promote flow or meter. Aural motif varies in lucidity. It has a great chance of being published in a few e-mags I work for. Try rearranging in accordance with meaning instead of superficiality. Pacing is excellent. Easy to finish, no extra words I can find. Theme is easy to grasp. It's pretty vague, language is wispy and common. You have zero figurative language, symbolism, but pretty stellar sensory details when you do use them. Try to find more of them. It really paints up a vignette from intangible and intellectually-driven, to ethereal delicate substantiality. Otherwise, the tone is nebulous. Mood is very impalpable, delicate, and fortunately, exquisite. It's like the stars are clawed for syzygy in your climax. Brilliant arc until the conclusion. Well done.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago


0 of 1 people found this review constructive.

This comment has been deleted by the poster.
Laura Maidah

9 Years Ago

Revisions right? I can't pinpoint, but I'm liking everything a lot more. "Raised,
my skin,
read more
Jazmen

9 Years Ago

"Soft keys freeze
on their highest peaks
up" is the revision
Lovely write you create a good atmosphere and mood to the music.

This review was written for a previous version of this writing

Posted 9 Years Ago



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933 Views
12 Reviews
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Shelved in 3 Libraries
Added on July 6, 2012
Last Updated on July 13, 2012
Tags: music, poetry, dark, writer, block, inspire, inspirational, freedom, meditation, tranquil, heathen, night, pagan, spiritual, god, religion, anti-religion, love, beautiful, free write

Author

Jazmen
Jazmen

Pacific Northwest, WA



About
Studying Science and Philosophy Claim no religion and I have no categorizable political views. I am interested mostly in the new science sociocyberneering (The Venus Project + Jacque Fresco) .. more..

Writing

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