Exertion

Something tall within moves with the melody of Time
Do I preserve my soul with precious questions of “why?”
I’m crunched in the absence of an Almighty sort in-reach.
And aged in the blackening forests and on the desert swept beach
I wonder of the world, exchanging in dimensions.
So often I wander in directions of thresholds
Where that I cannot occupy; Bedazzled (a disadvantaged sign)
at proximate advancement,
I cannot conjure the frame of mind..
Something tall within moves too closely with the melody of Time.

Something miraculous dances with the harmony on the rise
When the lands and the lights come alive
And I feel hot with this incurable desire
Every time I resist to resist the thought that wants to know better and begs the question:
“Why”?

My brethren, why must you  curse and falter.. strike one another and give not two thoughts for the wayfarer that seeks the answers, instead: most seem to mock her.

Give not one thought to the one that gives the answers

Too mighty to prose
In this dusty trail of old
Fallen on weak knees to beg mercy on our lives
And I began to question: “why?”

And then began a path in a forest so rich and green
Nasty things slithering and all life topped with water
Through it I wandered, down it I watched and pondered
Tranquil was the air and lucid were the trees, whispering in the wind and …..
I breathed because It breathed..
However long I sheltered there, I do not recall precisely
All the seasons moved  and I still stood wondering..
And once the stars witnessed me staring, they begged to question
Why it is I who begs to wonders..
And why it is most who simply wander..
And they gave me knowledge of prophecy

It bore my true philosophy
They told me
In millions of breaths that seized me
And did not barter nor promise anything
but assuredly
reiterated - that no wrong will ever harm me.

The things that hold me in the barracks of hardening time
are even within the movement of the gently blown breeze,
And though my death does yet summon me
Incurably..
My time is gaining
For star dust entombs me.
I am gathering all the worst and best things
For the mind of the greatest maker of Earth’s hour
And the billions of remarkable neighbors..
Yet here I wonder, that all my service is yet for profound power
Perhaps it’s this human-nature..
Stricken unkind or provided to engage and nurture..
Any way I believe
I am far on an epic quest to make things better.

Author's Note

this is a first draft. Excited about posting it though.

Reviews

[Pax Analog]

Twists and winds and resonates like the vines and roots & all the sprawling life of nature herself, as if evolution, w/all the time in the world were questioning its own ends. Indeed, evolution is a study in contrasts, considering it from both natural forms & catalytic consciousness p.o.v.s. And on the "epic quest to make things better" we return home in our mysterious hearts, to know it as if for the very first time.

[Racy Daniel]

Good writing!!!

[EYES OF MY SOUL]

Phenomenal piece of work its been some time now since i have heard the language of a writer presented there work in this format,i loved every bit of it.

[Jazmen]

thank you so very much! this poem had quite an editing process but I am satisfied with the way it turned out. Still leaving room to keep writing more on the topic. I appreciate you taking the time to write me a review, thanks again.

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlande..]

I kind of like "barracks"...it's a cool word and it fits perfectly in the poem, in the context of where you put it, imho

and I like this in one part..if you want to add a roman numeral here and there, it wouldn't hurt, though...subtitles might add some levity for the faint of heart, lol

so yeah, the entropy-surface-tension-observation-experience-apparatus you describe is breath taking..i love it..the flow is a hair disjointed and staggered and dissonant, which I love..I'm def not judging, cause it's much less so, than my work, haha..and it f*****g works, because it's human and it's evolution, and you don't grow without the resonance breaking apart with irregular vibration creating new form

you are playing around with a balance between the eastern philosophies of oneness and detachment with your conversation with the cosmos and its interesting characters

I recommend not f*****g with this too much, though, because it's great already..but you could use your intuition to manipulate some phrases or concepts or replace a word with a synonym here or there...I was filming at a recording session, and the guy who owned the studio recommended leaving the music alone for 3-5 days, and come back with a fresh perspective...your brain will thank you if you maybe try this with your writing

I generally don't edit my writing at all, but for someone who actually gives a s**t and is more cerebral in their approach, I intuit that this advice might carry over and apply

great job on this piece, Jazmen, and thank you again for your awesome review

[Shmoke-Sifted Heftlander]

God damn it; the matrix swallowed my review comment

it was so cool too...

I'll come back tonight and write something equally awesome :)

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAutho..]

Well, this is passing strange. An eyelash fluttering in a dream, overtaken by the displacement of senses that seem translated into dimensions illuminated by the choice of random questions related to a self-cognizant world-view morphology. I haven't a clue where you're going with this but it is pretty. Rather like coming upon a patch of wildflowers within a sunny clearing in a thick forest. I like the natural allusion bound to the transmuted eternal questions of existence. They lend a sort of credibility to the whole thing that might otherwise require a bit more structure for proper assimilation. The assumptions are hopeful if a bit childlike. There are few self-aware seers; only self-proclaimed and they often do not bear up under time-bound factoring. The thing that throws me for a loop though is the word "barracks." For me, it stands out like a pylon jutting up from the sand of an otherwise pristine beach. It plumbs my fathomed depths as to the price of it's unobvious purchase. Well, it's a wonderful draft. I am most curious to see how any revision may deviate.

[Jazmen]

AH, what's this? the review I've been waiting for?
This piece is very confusing, I know. It's like explaining a dream, as most poetry is of course, but this is like an indefinable dream, lost in time, trapped in time and always questioning why and it's like there's never enough answers and there's always anchors; for example, within the confines of my twisted words there are people who say "you think too much", and a science that says our intelligence is our spirit and there is no real "soul.."
The word barracks does not belong there, you're right. That should have been removed before I posted it. I didnt want to say prison or any other word like that. Barracks was the word that came out of my fingers even though I knew it wasn't the right word. It will be exterminated on the double. I like the way you commented on it though, haha. I totally get it.
But yes..this is just a work in progress. I'm not satisfied with it because it DOESNT paint a clear picture of this "IMPORTANT" message that I feel so eager to explain.
I want to make it clearer. Thank you for reading this mess and taking the time to say kind things about it and give it a great review, I really appreciate it.

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAuthor]

Well, my goodness, that was most refreshing! I really appreciate it when someone takes the time to read a review and then comment; honestly and intelligently too I might add. It's this type of exchange that really piques my interest in an author and their work. Some day you may be even more famous (published *AND* un-aliased) and then I can brag, "Yea, I used to chat 'er up on WC; you know - back in the day." ;-)

[Ufi Auttorri ~ UfoAuthor]

Boing! I just love spooky-action-at-a-distance. :)

RE: "..your perception makes me feel like there is a big purpose behind these poems."

I wonder if you, my "friend", think (even for a moment) that there is NOT 'a big purpose' behind your poems?! I am soooo smiling right now. Smiling because I'm going to point you toward a little story of mine, ask you to read it and then follow up on this thread; if it does anything for you besides waste a bit of your time.

REF: http://www.writerscafe.org/writing/ufoauthor/1025508/

P.S. Rewrite looking better.

[B-poet]

I like the message and the theme you've presented cleverly here. If you want to though you can make this a 2 part poem - example (Version 1) (Version 2) since it's a little long. Great job with this eloquent piece of writing. :)