Welcoming

This is a story I wrote for my mother-in-law after she passed away. I imagine this is what happened when she entered the "other side."

 

“What the Hell’s this?”  Susan shaded her weak eyes as she stepped forward gingerly with a bare, wrinkled foot.  Everything was so bright, like a cloudy day that reflects sunlight everywhere.  She squinted as she peered down at the ground to see slate-gray bricks paving the fog-shrouded path.  She also noted that she was wearing what appeared to be a white sheet.  “What-“  She looked at each aged arm and saw white satin dangling  as long sleeves.  “Did I get tangled up in my dang hospital bed?”  But that certainly wouldn’t explain the cobble stones and fog. 

Susan blinked hard and tried looking ahead into the mist.  Just then a warm breeze whipped up behind her and a tunnel cleared through the white wall in front of her.  She saw more stones to walk on.  They were cooler than the breeze, but not cold as one would expect.  “I’m dreaming,” she thought out-loud as she looked up and around.  Straight above her was blue sky.  The fog rolled away in front of her, the stone path spreading before her .  “Hmph.  I don’t have time for this,” she mumbled.  She tucked her gray hair back behind her ears and moved forward with a little more energy, just to get it over with.

What was it she needed to get back to doing?  She wanted to finish this and get back to… where had she been?  The hospital, but what was she doing there?  “I have to-  get back to gettin’ better,” she reminded herself.  She ignored the fact that she didn’t remember how she was sick. 

There were stairs ahead.  “I don’t feel like doin’ steps,” she muttered.  She couldn’t tell how high they went, the fog was in the way.  “I can’t see a damn thing!”  She yelled in frustration to the shroud.  At that moment, a wind picked up and whipped the whiteness away in a whirling instant.  The path was wider than she’d thought, but it was also the only thing to walk on.  Off to either side of the path were sheer drop-offs, and only cloud and air could be seen past them.  The stairs were long and high.  “Nu-uh,” Susan shook her head.  She walked over and sat down on a raised set of stones she couldn’t see before.

She sighed as she felt the satin tickle around her.  The warm breeze displaced her hair again.  “I wonder where I am,” she sighed wearily as she looked back at where she’d walked from.  There was the wide gray stone path, and a few paces beyond was the drop-off.  She’d simply appeared at the edge and walked in the proper direction.  She felt restless.  She needed to be doing something, but was helpless to do so.   “What the Hell is going on?”

“Susan,” a voice called from up the steps.  A man about her age appeared, also wearing a satin sheet.  He lifted a hand in greeting, gathering his robe’s folds to the side as he descended.  It took a while.  He didn’t act infirm, seemed quite healthy, and his well-aged face registered concern.  “You didn’t come on up,” he commented as he grew nearer. 

“No,” Susan called to him, “I’m not wishing for a heart attack.”

The man’s face lightened as he smiled widely.  His concern faded as green eyes twinkled.  “Oh, you don’t have to worry about that here, Susan.”

Susan’s face contorted with defensive puzzlement.  “Excuse me, but how do you know my name?”  Was he FBI?  IRS?  He didn’t have a clipboard or folder… then again, look at this place.  Why would something normal happen?

“You were next on the list,” the man explained, “I was assigned.  I am called Adam.”  He put his hand to his chest and bowed politely.

“The list?”  Susan wrinkled her nose.  “What the Hell list is it that I’m on?”  She leaned away in offense to not knowing how she got involved in all of this.  Adam’s brows raised with realization, then his gaze softened as did his voice.

“Susan, it’s alright.  You’re okay now, just… just settle in.”

Susan stopped and watched.  Adam appeared flustered.  “You’ve never done this before, have you.” 

Adam stopped and looked at her for a moment.  “Well, no.”

“Alright,” Susan nodded once, “Then let’s start again.”  She smiled, now in her motherly element.  She’d been a mother plenty of times, and a grandmother many more than that.  “What is it that you were assigned to do?”

“Welcome you,” he answered with a smile.  He recognized her spirit feeling more comfortable.

“Okay.  Where are you welcoming me to?”

“To Heaven,” Adam’s demeanor became careful, waiting for a reaction he wasn’t sure of.

“To Heaven,” Susan looked up at him, at his eyes to find a lie.  To find craziness, schizophrenia, anything to make sense of that answer.

Adam nodded. “Yes.  Welcome.”  He sighed, having done his duty at last.  “Except I was supposed to do it up there.”  He turned and gestured toward the top of the steps.

“To Heaven.”  Susan nodded as she said it, making sure that’s what he’d said.

“Yes, Susan, welcome to Heaven.”  Adam chanced a smile.  “I’d like to show you the gates, and have you meet Peter, but we’d have to-“  He glanced up the steps again.

“Is this a goddamned joke?”  Susan stood suddenly, pacing away from the stairs.

“Susan, I strongly suggest you stop saying-“

“I will not be told what to do and not do!”  Susan felt dizzy, walked farther back to where she’d first appeared.  What was going on?  Remember, remember �" the hospital, the bed… her family, someone held her hand.  Everyone’s faces… they were trying to look happy but they were all sad.  “I was dying,” she whispered, it suddenly dawning on her.  “It was cancer.  My brain-”  Her eyes started welling with tears.  “My liver…”  She turned to Adam, maintaining decorum and not losing to her fear.  “I had only fallen asleep, I’m just dreaming.  I shouldn’t be here, there’s been a mistake.  Take me back to my family.”

Adam didn’t smile, didn’t scowl, his face remained neutral and sober as he stepped closer to her.  “Susan, this is the end of your journey for now.  This is where you rest.”

“But there’s so much to finish doing,” She insisted, her arms out as though to carry all of the responsibilities she was talking about.

“You don’t have to do those any more.  You’ve raised your family to do them well enough without you.”

“Oh, Hell, they’ll do it all wrong,” she dismissed his comment with a wave of her hand, and turned to look out at the beautiful sky full of cumulous clouds.  “I’ll have to clean it up…” she kept staring off.  No, she wouldn’t clean it up.  She didn’t just leave for a week to come home to a mess.  She’s gone.  She hasn’t raised kids for a while, they’ve found their own guidance.  They’re all married and have gone on with their lives.  Even gone out into the world to become more than she could teach them to be.  She’d done all she could, but �"

“I might have made some mistakes,” Susan admitted dutifully.  But before Adam could say anything, she nodded as she amended her statement, “But I am human.  And everyone learns from mistakes.  Maybe my kids have learned what to do and not to do by watching me.”

“Children tend to do that,” Adam said, letting himself smile.  She was warming.  He’d been told that she’d carried a lot during her life, and she was feeling the ease of lifted weight.  As she stared at the sky, he saw a tear flood onto her cheek and slide down to her chin.  He saw the reflections of her children in it, each one replaying a moment that she had always cherished.  She didn’t speak of this, and Adam didn’t comment on it.

Susan finally turned to Adam, wiped away the tear, and walked toward him.  “Is my mother still here?”  Her brow showed that she was concerned, and anxious to see her mother.

“I believe she is, yes,” Adam turned and walked with her as they approached the stairs.  “I think she saw that you were on the list, and has been waiting for you.”

“Good.  I have some things to tell her,” Susan took the steps as easily as walking any field.  “She wouldn’t believe the goddamn- er…” she wrinkled her nose at the slip.  “The surprising stories about her grandchildren.  She went before my littlest one had that accident, and that oldest boy married a THIRD time if you’d believe it!..”

Adam listened to the stories that Susan would retell her mother.  The giant, glistening gate loomed over them on the top step, and Susan was so busy talking that St. Peter only waved them through.  She didn’t seem to notice when the stone path turned to grass, and a wide field opened before her.  A beautiful farm house stood at the far end by a line of trees, and a group of loved ones stood around a giant table of homemade food in the front yard.  An elderly woman waved at Susan, and Adam excused her to join her family and friends.  She was home.

 

 

Reviews

[Abizar Bagasrawala]

Highly critical. This is innovative in the way it supersedes the conventional depressing tone of death. Very original concept. The dialogue fits in beautifully, along with use of some adjectives such as 'fog-shrouded, slate-gray'. The verb usage is also really nice- 'whipped, welling'. But in my opinion, it starts getting plain as the story unfolds. Too much dialogue and not enough description. A slightly more powerful writing style and some uncertainty or vagueness in your writing would really render this story invincible. Sorry I may be undermining your writing here. I have a lot to learn from you. I love the progression of thought and event, and smooth narration. May your Grandma enjoy herself forever :)

[Jenig]

Description is tricky in this one because I want the surroundings to be vague, so that the reader can insert whatever they want in the area behind the fog. I am told by those who are subject to my thrusting stories into their hands, that I do dialogue really well. I try to put who the person is into what they're doing or looking at when they speak, just as when we talk to each other and subconsciously look for body language. I can see how I may rely on that too much. I also wrote this with my in-laws in mind. Susan was my mother-in-law, and I wrote this after she died and posted it for her family to see. Then immediately un-posted it. But I wrote it for the whole family group to read and recognize, so I didn't make it too intricate. I really appreciate your review. Thank you.

[Marie]

I've had three mothers-in-law who entered rest. I'd like to think they were welcomed to Heaven like this.

[Puffle]

Wow! I have no words. No words, this is just amazing! I love how you wrote this, there's just so much good stuff in here that I could tell you about, but I just can't bring anything into words! Just, wow!

[Jenig]

Gee, CrystalClear, what a precise and easy-to-interpret review. Thank you.

[Puffle]

Heh.....

I'm a Christian, so I was sorta glad when I read this. I love how you brought Adam into it, that was ingenious, I would never have thought of that!