The Forbidden Mushroom of Misfortune (first)

This isn't a chapter, it's the beginning of a story that's not a book. So I'm posting it in sections so that it's easier to read at a time. This is the first excerpt.

MISFORTUNE

 

 

            The Forbidden Mushroom of Misfortune woke from his sleep.  What was rousing him from his slumber? 

Ahh.  “Some distress must be administered,” the Mushroom murmured with the beginning of a smile.  But he wanted to get back to sleep.  “I must do as much as I can in as little time as I am able.  Hmm…” 

Surveying his surroundings, the magical fungus spotted an opportunity.  “Yes… the perfect situation,” he gurgled with glee.  “Come, Temptrad, my faithful friend.  We shall do this quickly, and though there will come some joy of it for few, it will dismay many more people than I’ve ever cursed before…”

 

 

THE PERFECT SITUATION

 

The Lady Marie and her beautiful daughter Penelope lived in a stately chateau on the west end of Luckawry, a prosperous town in a lovely kingdom a long time ago.  The mother was very proud of her blooming daughter, and wanted her to have everything life had to offer.  And in misguided shows of love, lavished all sorts of gifts and permissions on the girl. Consequently, and despite Lady Marie’s loving intentions, Penelope grew to take her good fortune for granted.  She became spoiled and believed that everything in her life should go her way.  She had no reason to believe otherwise.   

Then the girl turned sixteen. Secure in her sense of self-importance and freedom to do whatever she wanted, the young lady wasn’t prepared for her mother’s inevitable insistence that Penelope get married.  

Standing before her mirror, Penelope glared incredulously at her mother’s reflection behind her.

            Marriage!” She screamed, “You think just because I turned of-age, I want to get married?”  Penelope whirled around to face her mother.  “You wouldn’t do that to me, surely!”

            “Well, my dear, it is your duty at this age, you know, and I only want the best future for my only-“ 

“No!”  Penelope childishly stomped.  “I won’t do it!”

            “Dear, it’s already been arranged.  I picked a man of good status, good background, excellent-“

            “I’ll die first!”  Penelope shrieked.  She grabbed a perfume bottle from her vanity and whipped it at the door.   

            Lady Marie knew the generation-long marriage tradition wouldn’t go over well with her daughter, but things had to be done properly.  And after all, what’s more important than having a husband and children?   

 

 

Sir Pottelton and his son Phillip lived on the east end of Luckawry, and the father had every reason to boast of his son.  A great hunter, popular figure in society, quite the handsome lad, Phillip had everything going for him.  His father handed the boy everything he ever wanted, praise was administered to him freely and daily, and, now grown, Phillip could have his pick of any young lady in Luckawry.   

            That is, he would have had his pick had his father not taken it into his own hands.

            “My boy, you should be overjoyed!”  Sir Pottelton paced a distance behind his son as Phillip knocked an arrow to his bow, “She’s from the same high-standing class that we are, and a beauty besides.”

“You don’t understand.” Phillip wouldn’t look at his father. “She threw a pitchfork at one of the tavern girls at last summer’s hay-ride.  She’s not happy unless it’s all her way, and as long as she gets what she wants she’s still only half-way tolerable.”  He gazed at his target carefully.  “All she talks about is how deprived everyone else is.  Unfortunately the only good thing I can say about her is that she has frighteningly good aim.”  He pulled back, took aim and hit a hand’s length from bullseye.  He shook his head and sighed. “You don’t know what you’re doing to me.”

“A young man like yourself should be married, have a son to carry-“

 

“Father, you might force me to marry her, but there is no way even the Forbidden Mushroom of Misfortune could make me have a child with her.”  Phillip took another look at the distant target and grimaced.  There was only one thing to do now.

 

The Village Idiot was not unfamiliar with Phillip, though his mood caused the whole tavern to take on a completely different atmosphere in his honor.  This is where the most popular youth in town would celebrate victories or special occasions or rest from a particularly tiring hunting trip.  But this time he sat at his usual table, having guzzled who-knows-how-many mugs of brew with which to drown his sorrows.

            Suddenly the sound of pounding hooves grew louder from the street, and stopped with the wild whinnying of a worn horse just outside the tavern.   Then there was a mad-woman at the door.  Hair askew and skirts twisted and rumpled, Penelope glared around the room, keeping her angry, stress-induced wheezing to a minimum.

            Who dares marry me?” she growled.

            At this, the entire tavern emptied hastily with a loud scraping of chairs and pounding of feet.  That is, all but one table where the unfortunate victim sat nearly passed-out.   

            “Phillip?”  Penelope identified him and strode up to his table.  “Phillip, you aren’t running and I don’t like it.”  His face seemed glued to the table with his own drool.  He didn’t stir.   She knew that if any normal, sensible person was even unconscious, he would have found a way to get out of the building.  

            “I think you’re the one who has chosen to ruin my life, and I believe I’m going to have to kill you.”  She grabbed his hair and lifted his head with a vicious jerk.  Phillip moaned groggily.

            “You’re my death.” he choked, “I must be going to Hell.  I always did figure the Devil was a-“

            His head dropped with a heavy thud.  Penlope smiled at the sound as she circled the table, hands on her hips.  Her prey groaned again.

            “Don’t think that all I’m going to give you is a headache,” she mentioned through clenched teeth, “And you’re right, from now on you life is hell.  You will never have peace, never have happiness, never laugh, more than likely cry, and I’ll make sure you’ll die a miserable old man who never had the life he’d been promised.  You will have all of this because you had the audacity to marry me!”

            This she spat at the unfortunate man as he did his best to prop up his head.  Unfazed by her words, Phillip scowled at her.

            “Good heavens, woman, you think this was my idea?  If it were up to me, I’d rather take a rabid skunk.”  He squeezed his throbbing head as though he were testing a melon, letting his disregard for her threats have its effect on Penelope.  “Besides, why are you so upset?  I mean, I can understand my distress in this situation, but you- I’ll be frank but truthful in saying you have the best catch any wench could-“ 

            A quick smack stopped him short and sent his head back onto the table.  His face could be permanently glued there for all she cared.  Having done her damage, Penelope led a cloud of rage from The Village Idiot and rode off on her horse again.

 

Thus, the engagement.

Author's Note

The next section will say (second) after the same title