Haunted

 

Violet eyelids grow heavy,

And fall with the sound of drums.

My fingers clench numbly,

Because they know my time has come.

I can no longer hear my hollow heart beat anymore.

My arm limply rises,

As I reach out blindly towards the dying light for you,

But oh! You just silently close and lock the door!

 

Don’t you know you’re trapping me off in this iron cage of darkness?

Don’t you know you’re locking me in for all the liquid, gold eyes to assess?

I feel the cold hands of winter frost teasingly trace my trembling skin.

I’m haunted by the shadows stalking me in the night.

I’m haunted by the chilling cloud of whispers binding me ever so tight.

 

I can smell the scent of suffer and the aroma of a torment I hope you never know.

I feel the sound of screams and taste the hint of harrowed tears—

Why won’t they leave me alone?

Twisted memories lay scattered and burning on the floor,

And silver webs of never-ending lies are tangled in my hair.

Outside my window the moon drips poison honey on the moor.

My voice is too strained from choking on fear to scream out for morning,

My hands too scarred from clawing at air to lift their hungry, heavy stares.

Reviews

[BelowABridge]

lots of description and imagery going on but not overly. it flows well and is really haunting.

I can smell the scent of suffer and the aroma of a torment I hope you never know.I feel the sound of screams and taste the hint of harrowed tears-Why won't they leave me alone?

I liked this part. I really enjoyed the emotions connected to sense of smell, touch, and tasting.

[Cody Wiggins]

this was............ beautiful man you got me over here in tears.
When you said gold eyes to assess did you mean ashes just asking not trying to critique yo or nothing

[LostInThought ♥]

This is amazing!!! It tells a story, which I like in a poem. . :) It flows very well!! Good write!

Would you mind reviewing some of my work?

[Dr Poet]

There is some interesting imagery for sure and I actually wonder why you don't try poetry more often. The claustrophobic feeling is well rendered in the final stanza.

[nostal]

Deeply chilling.
Great write.

[RAWR!]

the images i see in my head while i read this are awesome. very visual and clear.

[Sean M. Addams]

wow a very chilling piece... the imagery and detail in this was awesome... i liked this alot thought it was a very creative write ... nice job on this!!!

[Ice Queen of the Vampir..]

Wow, what a poem. The imagery in this piece is fantastic. Awesome write!!!

Heather

[Chickenmama]

The imagery is pretty powerful but because I'm such a huge fan of symmetry I find it slightly awkward that the stanzas increase in length as much as they do from throughout the poem. Probably just a personal style issues, though. There appears to be a couple errors in it, so I suggest you run through it a couple times to proofread it, maybe clean it up. I still think it's an excellent final draft.

[Sheila Marie Carr]

Wow! this has so much imagination to it and I think that you are very creative in writing. You done a really good job on this piece.

[TamiViolet]

I can feel the terror in this verse, Jennifer. The notion of entrapment is haunting, and I must wonder what lies beneath this nightmare world filled with terror....

There are many creative lines in the verse such as the winter frost tracing the skin.....iron cage of darkness...scent of suffer...and my two favorite lines in this work :

'And silver webs of never-ending lies are tangled in my hair.
Outside the moon drips poison honey on the moor.'

So deep, dark and delicious are these lines. Excellent metahor of the haunting being comparable to a stalker....Further, one can 'feel' the weight....the heaviness...upon the shoulders of the narrator as the imagery is striking.... If fact, your overall use of literary techniques is appealing and is characteristic of a skilled writer... Highly enjoyable.