The Girl With Her Little brother#2

This story is the continue version of "The Girl With Her Little Brother."

When 9:00,The girl and her little brother were wake up,they take a bath,then went to eat breakfast.After eating their breakfast,they went to the train station to toke a train,because they needed to go to Taiwan,and the train was last for 3 and a half hour.

When they went to Taiwan,they first went to the Hotel,because they were so tired,they wanted 12:30 to eat their lunch so that they can toke a sleep.

When it was 12:30,They went to eat their lunch,they ate Dim Sum,they felt it was yummy so they toke picture with the foods.

After eating their lunch,they went to the 101 tower to shop.They bought many things,foods,clothes......

After they shop,they went to find foods again,they found some snacks,some a mushroom but it had fry in oil and some are bread but there are sausage in it.

At night,They ate hotpot for dinner,the love it very much,but it was expansive,but they  think it was deserve.

After dinner,they went back to hotel and toke a rest,because the next day they need to go to Korea!

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To Be Continue...  

Reviews

[markstringer]

A great start, Jennifer. Many of your sentences start "when...", try using different ways to start your sentences. :)

[jay]

20"They", "expansive" is spelling wrong. But a good story!

[WriterMe]

This was a very good attempt =] You might want to change the font and make something a little bit more easier on the eyes of the readers. There are a few mistakes such as 'took' and not 'toke', 'Food' not 'foods' and a few other things. Over all it was a very simple, cute story =] Be sure to work on the grammar =]