This Crap in My Heart.

This Crap in My Heart.

A Poem by XinHyun

just trying to get these feelings and thoughts out of my heart and head.

How much do I have to miss you
to keep your eyes from haunting my heart?
to steady my breath from seeing your face?
to give my head a peace of mind from you?

Life isn't the same anymore
when you aren't looking at me
when you're not calling for me
when I'm not the reason you smile.

My heart yearns and remembers
the times you laughed because of me
the times you held me together 
when I was falling apart
the times you cared about me obsessively. 

. . . 

Time has passed and I have learned
you were the best part of me
when I kept trying to fix you
I was wrong when it mattered
when I didn't care enough about you
and I didn't listen enough
when you tried to explain. . . 

When I found out I made the mistake
I knew it was my last
I knew you had had enough
and I knew we were no more. 

Now as I write this to you
You will never take me back
I will never be the reason your heart shakes
and we will never be able to trust each other 

ever again.

. . .

I've written you before
I've told you how much I will always care
I've let you know how I've felt
I've told you . . . that I miss you.

I want to be the one this time 
to tell you I still love you
I will always love you
and I want to fight for you. . . 

But you're through with me
you're done fixing me up
when I bring you down
you want a life without me
and that's all I can give you now.

All I can say again is that I'm sorry
for talking like I knew what I felt
for making you feel the way you did
and for keeping you all to myself. 

I want you back. You were the best of me. I'm sorry.

© 2015 XinHyun

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Added on November 11, 2015
Last Updated on November 11, 2015
Tags: sorrow, sorry, heartache, yearning



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