It’s Not a Cardboard Sign

Short story inspired by those we may not understand on living on the streets.

 It’s Not a Cardboard Sign

By: Jessica Meredith

 

            The City. That’s what the natives call it. It’s just another jungle. And this one made of concrete and brick. Speeding down asphalt river beds in finely dressed chariots of metal, the inner workings detailed electric veins. Single captains of each ship blaze by, unware of the universe contained in each passenger pod. Their eyes either accuse me of taking their brothers life or stare sympathetically because he had almost taken mine. I turn away.

They must never know the truth of Jacob Greene, a stranger to this land, with secrets so dark the light lost her way. It was I who journeyed through the sea of air in such magnificent craft that the citizens would never lay eyes on the inside. During eternity, the hands of pink clouds finally lowered me into a blanket of rolling hills. The fearsome creature at this depth was not a mere octopus, but a raid of ants spitting poison and tears. The Brazen Serpent took my eye, but he did not laugh when I delivered his karma three fold. When Atlas dropped the world I weathered on as the desert rained sand and glass. Through the labyrinth of white caves, men dressed in white smocks gave me pills to numb the pain. But, they wanted to keep me a prisoner. I escaped. They had taken me from my home world. Through foreign lands and language I slowly began to assimilate. And now, I wait for what’s coming to me. Holding my shield in front my heart, they will not pierce this flesh again. 

“Sweetie, don’t stare at him, he’s homeless.” Mother attempted to shield the child from the fifthly man with the cardboard sign and a rag tied around his head covering one eye.

The youngster looked up, eyes sparkling with defiance, “But, the planet is everyone’s home.”

“I don’t know where you get these things.” She hurried the child across the street.

The child looked behind her as they passed. Her young mouth hung wide with awe. She had never seen a man with wings before.

 

Author's Note

I would love any kind of feedback:)

Reviews

[Renvek]

The perfect short story, to see the world in a different way then share it. I think if you expand on it a little bit you could have a great story. I am torn between saying just leave it where it is and saying I want to see more. I read it again and I really think you have something here and you do need to add to it a little bit. With your writing style probably only another paragraph or two would do it but you could also use it as a one page synopsis for a much longer work as well.
Specifically in the first paragraph it would be nice to see more of his point of view and kind of what he is hearing and seeing rather than a narrative point of view. It is hard to tell in the second paragraph if it is narrative or if it is from his point of view. Then in the the third paragraph it is clearly 3rd person from the little girls perspective. The third paragraph clearly needs to be there in order to have the effect it has however I think there should be a space between paragraphs to give us the idea that the point of view has shifted other than that great start this will be haunting me for days which is the best way of saying I will be thinking about what you wrote for a while. Great job!
Renvek

[Marie]

I like this It starts out as pure surrealism, lots of imagry and pageantry and poetry. THen the stark realism of the mother and the child confroting a homeless man.
And the final piece of fantasy: wings, which only a child could see.

[roarke]

I enjoyed the huge conceptual canvas this was sketched on. Visionary metaphors and graphic analogies. It's a bit abstract for the average reader, literary prose usually is. Nice stuff.

[Octavious]

I really liked this story, and there was a lot of poetic material in her too that I enjoyed, but I would have liked to be longer and have a bit more build up personally. when the boy says "But, the planet is everyone's home." I feel like there should have been more visual detail and internal thought . . . just a suggestion though.either way I still think it was an excellent piece. Thank you for sharing your wok with us all to see :)