Pretending

So.

Mom lost an important case. It was important to her and me; however to my dad it was a complete waste of time. He thought Mom and I would lose it in the first place because he thought that what Mom wanted wasn't allowed. It was; it was obviously stated in the papers.

Mom and I thought that we had it, that we won before we started. That turned out to be untrue.

Yes, our lives just got harder to live.

Mom has to get a job now; I'm not worrying about it just yet because at this time I want to focus on my studies.  Mom's going to try to manage; if she can't, then and only then would I have to do so as well.

Against Mom's wishes, I'm trying to pretend that none of this happened. Yes, it has a huge impact, but am I wrong for wanting to just be happy at this point in life? Am I wrong for wanting to focus on what's important NOW to ME?

 

Notice that I mentioned Dad earlier. I don't even know why I call him a father; he never was one to me. Yes, he did get me gifts for important holidays, and yes, he did come to most of my choir concerts. Unfortunately, though, he thought that was all I needed. And then I turned 18.

And Dad decided not to support me while I'm going to school.

And he announced one night that "Hey, guess what, I'm not giving your mother any more money to take care of you."

How stupid is this? I mean, he obviously thought he was done supporting me.

And I thought he was supporting me all along.

I thought he was the best Dad he could be since he walked out of his marriage when I was younger.

I know now what he really thinks of me and Mom. The moment something goes wrong in his life, he blames Mom for causing it. He really hates her (I believe so, anyway). He did call her a heartless b***h when she told him that she was getting sick and tired of this. He called her that in front of ME.

He apologized to ME for making me cry when he called her that, BUT he didn't apologize to her for calling her that.

I'm convinced he hates me. He keeps telling me that he's always there for me; now I can never believe him ever again.

I want him out of my life; I don't want to be related and/or affiliated with someone that has hurt his own family in the past. Hell, I don't even want to be his daughter anymore. I know it will break his heart, but maybe he deserves it. Maybe that will give him a reality check.

Oh goodness gracious, I just don't know anymore. I'll just go on and pretend that he's not my dad, and that my life is as perfect as I can make it.

Author's Note

Forgive me for being so emotional about this.